Choice and Commitment

I've been having a lot of Dreams lately - they seem so real that I wake up in a daze.

The other night I had this Dream that I was getting married and I was trying to do this dance routine, like a show, and I wasn't marrying My Man.  The Dream was just on me, I did not see the groom in the Dream - and yet I had such a strong feeling of sadness that My Man wasn't the groom.  In the Dream I just wanted to be slow dancing with My Man.  When I woke up, I was so relieved to see that it was a Dream and that My Man was sleeping next to me.  Phew!!!

This morning I had another strange Dream that was very confusing.  I had a very restless night, I was up and down all night, feeling very sick in the stomach.  When I finally did get to sleep I had this Dream that I was going to ring up sick and in the Dream I couldn't work out who I had to call.  I couldn't work out if I was at school, I thought I was in Year 7 and that I had to ring a Teacher, then I had this fear in my stomach that I was in Year 12 and better start studying for the HSC, and then I realised I was working and I couldn't work out where I worked and who was my boss that I needed to call.  No wonder I have had a headache today.

I always love the words of wisdom and quotes that I receive every morning and yesterday I received these quotes
- “Take the world as it is, not as it ought to be." – German Proverb –
- "Instead of trying to change the world into what it ought to be, accept it as it is, instead of trying to change who you are into who you ought to be, accept yourself as you are. Then you will realise that the parts of your life and yourself that you had been trying to change into what they ought to be were only the parts of yourself that you had not yet loved the way you ought to love.  The UNIVERSE"

These quotes allow me the freedom to be okay with not feeling 120%.  Today in feeling at about 60%, I allowed myself the opportunity for Self-Care.  I gave my Self permission to have a sick day off work and rang my Boss.  I take the Commitment of my work seriously and yet when it comes to Choice and Commitment for today, I choose to Honour my Self.  I enjoyed the opportunity to crawl back into bed and slept for a few hours.  I feel so much better after sleeping.

And then I had another Dream.  My Soul is definitely sending me messages.  I had a Dream that My Man and I had a disagreement and then he left and then I called him only to find that he didn't pick up the phone, he must have bumped the phone and so I could just hear him in the background.  In the background he was buying an airline ticket and I didn't know where he was going and he couldn't hear me, and I was yelling out and he still couldn't hear me.  I was also relieved to wake up from that Dream by My Man ringing me to see how I was feeling.

I'm still feeling less than 100% and I'm okay to just be real with how I am today.  I am also learning to be in relationship and in love in the everyday and in the realness.  We had such a fantastic day on our engagement and I am a woman in love and I can also say that this is a Choice and Commitment that I choose to Honour, even on the days when we are both feeling less than 100%.

I have baggage from my Past, given that I have been married before and engaged another time.  I have had almost had a fear of whether I could take this big step again.  And yet when I have uneasy feelings of my Past, I see an image of boxes that are all packed up and I remind myself that I can leave the boxes closed.

This is my chance to Design my Life.  And I am glad that My Man is the one in my life, the one in my everyday.  I'm glad that my recent Dreams are not Dreams come true - if anything they made me feel terrible at the prospect of not having my Man in my life.

It was great when My Man got home from work.  It was great to go for a walk outside together.  I love being outside.  This is my medicine.  I love walking out by the beach and we are delighted to see the moon over the ocean - what a beautiful sight - the sky is a pinky blue colour.  At this time I wished I had my camera to capture the beauty.  We take a moment and capture the beauty in our mind's eye.  By the time we get home, the sun has set and we look back and see the glow of the full moon.  I just love being outside.

Another positive part of my evening was also running to an old friend from school - he is now married and due to have his first child any day now.  One of my favourite parts of living where we do, is running into people around the local Community.  I love being in Connection and Conversations.

As I reflect on today I wonder what Archetypes naturally came into my world today.  I definitely felt my Sage this morning when I made the decision regarding Self-Care.   I love having my Sage as a Resource.

My Sage activated my Caregiver Archetype - choosing to give Care to my Self.

I also reflect on the questions - What has changed?  What I am consciously applying in my day?  I feel that I am bringing myself back to the Present moment and out of my mind by consciously bringing in the image of my Yellow Heart.  If I am triggered to go into my Past, I am able to bring in the image of boxes that are packed up and this brings me back to the Present moment, rather than wasting mental or emotional energy on my Past.  I am also able to be Present and Real to what is, in my own feelings and in my relationship.  This is allowing me the opportunity to sit still in the moment.

I am happy to love and be loved at a deep level - to feel the bond at a deep level.  In my Heart, I have such a strong sense that there is nowhere else I would rather be - I have a sense of being at Home with My Man.  And it is also a Choice and Commitment that I make on a daily basis, in the sunshine, in the rain, on cloudy days, when flowers are blooming.  My Mum and Dad have been married 42 years and I have such great role models of Marriage and Commitment.  I am Grateful for my Man and I am very glad that we can both be real.  I especially love holding hands with My Man - it is the small things that are the BIG things.

Today I am Grateful to be able to go out walking with my Man, I am Grateful for extra sleep, I am Grateful for peppermint tea, I am Grateful for My Man making me dinner, I am Grateful to enjoy the beautiful sight of the full moon.  I am very Grateful that my Dad came home from hospital.  And I am Grateful that I can sit in the Space of not feeling 100% Fantastic.   And I am Grateful that I am learning to hold the Paradox of Dark and Light.

I Love Coaching

Tonight I met with one of my Coaching Clients.  I Love Coaching.  I LOVE COACHING. 

I have been at work all day, working my Monday to Wednesday job, my job outside of Coaching.  I enjoy talking to the Customers and I especially enjoy Connection and Conversations with Friends at work - and I am Grateful for my job - and the work is interesting - yet this is not my Lifework.

Once I get to my Coaching Space, I feel comfortable and Peaceful and Happy.  I enjoy setting up my room.  I feel at Home in my room.  I sometimes wish I had a room at my Home and yet I am Grateful to be part of a Community of Healers and definitely feel in the right place and Space.  

I love my Butterfly Scarf which reminds me of the Journey of Life and the Coaching Opportunity to support Client's on their Journey.  I also love lighting my candles - with the Light of my candles I feel ready - I also feel that the candles invite Spirit into my Sacred Space.  On the table I have a tealight candle holder in the shape of a rock with the word 'Love'.  I love this candle as it also reminds me of the emphasis of my work - I love to work with my Coaching Clients for love of life and love of self.  For me it all comes down to LOVE - it is this simple.  I also love lighting my Yellow candle that is in the lotus flower candle holder - I love the symbol of the Lotus - the beautiful flower emerging from the mud.

I am Grateful for my Coaching Clients.  I am Honoured that Clients share their Journey with me.  I am Honoured to share this Space.  Holding and offering a Sacred Space is of upmost importance to me.  I am  SO Grateful for the Clients that I have welcomed into my Space, VERY Grateful that they have chosen me to be their Coach.

I feel very relaxed and natural sitting in the seat of the Coach.  It is true that you can never possibly know what a Client will bring as an Agenda for the Coaching Session - and I am  SO Grateful that I have been trained to Trust the Magic and the Mystery of the Process.  I am also Grateful that I have been trained in Counselling skills as I feel that this helps me offer the best support for my Clients.

Have I mentioned today that - I Love Coaching.

I look back over some of my notes that I emailed my very first Client from when I started my Business in May.  I feel Inspired when I read my Vision for my Coaching and my Values and Beliefs in relation to my Coaching, which Shine through when I read about Client Benefits, the Transformational Coaching Process and Shine Coaching - About Me.

Client Benefits
S - Self-Awareness, Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance, Self-Care, Success of Goals and Celebration of Wins
H - Happiness and Joy and a Sense of Gratitude
I - Inspiration - Feeling Energised and a sense of Purpose and Meaning
N - New Awareness and a Feeling of Newness, Hope and Excitement, A New Beginning, A New day
E - Empowered - Sense of working with what is within one’s own control and using one’s power to make positive choices

Transformational Coaching Process
S - Based on the Client’s Specific Agenda and Goals – with an opportunity for Self-Reflection and a focus on a Client’s Strengths and Resources
H - Holistic Coaching is about bringing about Balance and Authenticity in all Areas of Life, as well as attention to Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Aspects 
I - Intuition - Coaching is not about giving advice or direction, the Process involves assisting a Client to access their own answers and Insights
N - Next Steps – Each Session offers the opportunity to identify and commit to action steps for forward movement, with a space for people to be accountable to themselves
E -  Experiential – The Coaching Process allows space for sharing, and there are invitations for different exercises, questions, meditations and visualisations to assist a Client

SHINE Coaching – ABOUT ME
•    SHINE: Excitement, brightness, glowing, brilliance, excellence, eyes lighting up, a feeling of basking in sunlight, reflecting light to others
•    As a Coach it is a Honour to work with people – As a Coach I see the light in people, their uniqueness, their greatness - so that they may SHINE
•    I have been working with people for the last 5 years in Training, Motivation and Performance Management and now with training in Counselling and Coaching, I have recently started my own Coaching Business where I am very passionate about working with people in the local community
•    The Coaching Process involves shining a light on areas in life that are both working and not working, shining a light on the Vision for the future and bringing obstacles into the light to help bring about change
•    My belief is that each day is a new day, that we are not defined or restricted by our past, but that with the rising of the sun there is the opportunity to begin again or take new steps towards our desired destination
•    My desire is that the Process of Coaching can help more people LOVE SELF and LOVE LIFE

I am Excited that I am living an Authentic life and most Excited that I have my own Coaching Business.  This is a dream come true.  For years and years and years I struggled with being in the wrong job and feeling very stressed trying to fit into jobs that were not right for me.  For years and years and years I was searching for my Lifework - although I have always known that I wanted to work with people.  When I was in my early twenties I started talking about studying Psychology and about 10 years ago I first heard about the role of a Life Coach and I knew this was the role for me.  And now I am finally living my dream.

I feel that I have a deep empathy for others due to my own life experience.  I especially know the feelings of doubt and being lost and lonely and sad and anxious and depressed and experiencing a lack of purpose.  I now know the feelings of peace, truth, love, a deep inner joy and happiness and a sense of Self-Love and a strong sense of Purpose.

I have a strong sense of my Life Purpose to Spread The Yellow and I love that I can offer a Space for Connection and Service to my Clients.  I Love Coaching.  Each and every day, in the Coaching Space and outside Coaching, I am on a Mission to Spread The Yellow.

Dear God, Please allow me to be of Service for the Greater Good.  I Trust in you.  I am ready to be of Service to more Clients.  Please help me live my Vision.  I appreciate my Gifts and my Uniqueness.  I am Blessed.  I am Grateful.  Amen - Oh and also God - MOST IMPORTANTLY Please look after my Dad and Mum - please keep them safe and strong and in good health.  Amen.

I Love Nature

Today I woke up to the view of a cockatoo sitting quietly on the corner of the roof of our unit block.  I am used to the loud screeching noise of the cockatoos, where there is one, there is many to be seen and heard.  And yet today this single cockatoo was just happily outside my window.  I felt that it was calling me outside for a Nature Walk.

I love being outside.  I Love Nature.  I've been enjoying some sleep ins in the last week, especially since I have been having restless nights and waking through the night.  And yet today it is an obvious choice to go outside for Exercise.

I head to one of my favourite places, Gunnamatta Park, a natural park by the ocean.

I just love the Trees.  Today I was thinking that I would love to be an artist to capture the beauty and energy of the Trees.  I would love to be an artist.  I love when my Soul Sisters from College showcase the art that they have created.  I love when I enjoy Art Therapy myself - just getting out my crayons and pencils, colours to capture my feelings and experience.  While to date, it does not appear that I am a natural artist when it comes to a canvas, I am open to Spirit to show me the type of art or colour that I can create, in my unique way.

I also know that I can be creative in other ways.  I would love to get back into photography.  I would love to take photos of the Trees, although I would love to be able to capture the energy on paper - hmmm... perhaps a photo and collage combination.  I also can't wait until I sew again (once I make some space in our home).  I also love writing.  For me it can be about the process and not the end result - and so I will also continue to get out my colours and play.

I love being at the Park.  It is quiet and peaceful.  I feel like I am in my Nature Goddess - Love and Connection with Nature.

I walk to one of my favourite Trees and I ask if there is any wisdom - it is interesting, I get a sense of the words "The answer is not in the Tree, it is in me" - perhaps just for today, as I do believe that there is much wisdom in Trees, in Nature.  I also feel that I do not have any questions - I do not have any questions where I am desperately seeking answers - I feel that I have so many answers - that my life is now simple.

There are two questions that have been entering my mind lately:
1. What would I do if this was my last day on Earth?
2. What would I do if money was not an issue?

Walking In Nature would be an answer to both of these questions.  I find myself loving being in Nature this morning and I hate when I see the time and know that I have to turn back and make my way home to get ready for work.  I could spend hours and hours in Nature, I Love Nature.  I would love to do Coaching out in the Park - perhaps Group Coaching - Sunrise and Sunset Sessions and Groups to Celebrate the Seasons.

If it was my last day on Earth and certainly if money was not an issue, I would spend a lot of my time outdoors, out in Nature, being out in Nature with my Loved ones.  I know that as My  Man and I look forward to having our own Family, spending time out in Nature is very important to me for our Lifestyle.

If it was my last day on Earth I would definitely spend all my time with My Man and My Family.  I am Grateful that this is the Priority in my life. When it comes down to it, Love is the most important to me.  And being in Nature.

If money was not an issue I certainly wouldn't be working my Monday to Wednesday job - this is just a job - this is not a Passion.  And yet I am Grateful for the people at work who are warm and friendly - I feel I am a part of the Community.  I am Grateful that I have found my Lifework in Coaching, I love Coaching.  I am open to the Universe sending me more Clients.  I Welcome new Clients.  I am ready for more Clients.

If money was not an issue, I would spend time in Nature, I would be Coaching, I would be spending time in Creation, I would be involved and raising money for children and communities living in poverty.  I would also be writing, I love writing.  I have some ideas for a book – I feel Inspired to write a book – I am following my Intuition.  I also feel guided to develop products that Inspire others to Spread The Yellow.

As I walk back home I love that I find two small branches of Yellow Wattle.  I love Wattle Trees.  I have a rule of not breaking off branches or flowers – however if I find a piece of Nature on the ground, I accept it as a Gift from the Universe.  I take one of the small branches of Yellow Wattle to work today – bringing the outdoors indoors – bringing Nature to my desk.

I love to get outdoors and have a walk during my Breaks.  Although I am in the suburbs and in an industrial area, I am Grateful for the small delights of Nature, the beauty in the Trees and plants that line the roads.  Driving home tonight I am also in awe of the beautiful sky – an amazing colour of deep pink and then turning to blue and Yellow.

Time for bed soon as I definitely want to get up and enjoy time in  Nature in the morning.  There is often the temptation to sleep a few more minutes and definitely press the snooze button one or two more times - and yet by having my Values and Vision Board posted on the wall in our bedroom, these bring my Spirit alive.

Life Changing Days

It has been a crazy and busy week.  It has been a week of Life Changing Days.

Last Wednesday we found out that my Dad had experienced a heart attack 2 weeks ago and so he was rushed to hospital.  My Dad is okay - THANK YOU GOD.  It is a miracle that he is alive.  To our surprise we found out that the 3 main areas to the heart (I do not know all the technical names) were 80-90% blocked.  My Dad had emergency bypass surgery on Friday.  My Mum and I waited all day and the whole time I trusted that my Dad would be okay.  I recently read that we all have four Angels that are with us all the time.  I asked my own Angels to go and stay with my Dad and I sensed the words "he is loved and protected".  Speaking to my Mum on the Friday, she was telling me about the time about 12-13 years ago that my Dad had a serious car accident, where he had to dig part of the ground to breathe, and the car rolled onto him.  Once again it was a miracle that he was still alive.  My Mum said that she had a knowing, almost heard the whisper of the words "we got him out for you".

We saw my Dad tonight and the doctor said that he is doing as well as expected, and my Dad said that he is not in pain.  It has been Life Changing Days, sitting with my Dad when he is less than 100%.  I am Grateful that I do not have to rush anywhere and I have just been able to sit and be with my Dad.  My Dad will continue to get stronger and hopefully he will feel a lot better by Friday, which is his 80th Birthday.  

Being with my Dad ,and being at the hospital, once again reminds me of the importance of Love and Family.  Life can be so complicated and sometimes people can make life even more complicated for themselves and other people.  I hear people at work complaining about other people and being negative, and I wonder why people make life harder, when there are many things of which we have no control.  We never quite know when we may experience Life Changing Days.  

When I am in My Yellow Heart, in a state of Presence, I feel Strong and Centred.  I am in Love and Light.  I feel Peace.   I am Grounded for Life Changing Days.

I am glad that I have simplified my Life and so it is easy to just spend all day in the hospital with my Dad.  For me life is so simple, at the core is LOVE.   

Speaking about LOVE - THE GREAT AND MOST EXCITING NEWS - definitely at the top of my Life Changing Days - is that yesterday WE GOT ENGAGED!!!  It was our 1 year Anniversary and My Man took me out to a beautiful restaurant, SummerSalt at Cronulla.  We had a wonderful lunch, wining and dining - great food and wine and great company.  And it felt so nice to be dressed up and celebrating our special occasion. 

  

It was very exciting when we saw a rainbow over the beach, it was beautiful.  I find the rainbow a symbol of our week, where we had been experiencing the rain all week, and now here comes the sun and Light.

I had been thinking the last day or two that Gareth is a Blue energy, Peaceful and Relaxed, and I am a Yellow energy, and so together, when our energies merge, we are Green - and Green energy is about Growth and Life.  I like that in the colours of the rainbow, flows Yellow, Green and Blue.

After lunch we went outdoors to a park overlooking the Beach and My Man asked me to marry him.  It felt so natural and relaxed and very right.  I said 'yes'!!! Of course!!!  I am in Love and Happy!

My Man wants me to choose my own engagement ring and so he gave me a token ring - a Yellow Heart ring - I loved it!!! He knows me well!

  

It has been a week of Life Changing Days.  Life is not quite the same, similar and different.  Life is precious.  Love is precious.  I am Grateful that my Dad is on the road to recovery.  And I am so very Grateful to be in Love and Loved by my Man.  To Love and Be Loved is my Greatest Wish and so yesterday is my Dream Come True.

Letting Go Of My Past

In the last few weeks, probably in the last few months, I have been very Conscious of wanting to be in the Now and Letting Go Of My Past.  There are many life experiences in my Past that have led me to my Present moment and yet these life experiences and relationships do come up in conversation and take up my mental energy.  I also had concerns about storing pain from my Past in my body, that I was carrying emotions that are causing aches in my back and a heaviness on my shoulders.  

I am so Grateful that I was blessed with a happy childhood, with the Abundance of Love.  From my Past I carry these Gifts of Love, Joy, Gratitude and a Positive Attitude.  

And I have also carried the sorrow and sadness of the last 8-10 years.  I have carried the pain and darkness and black memories of marriage and divorce and times of depression.  I have carried the feelings of rejection by others and also by myself.  I have carried the burden of wearing masks, searching for love and acceptance, searching for love and acceptance and happiness outside of myself.  I have carried guilt and regret.  I have made bad decisions.  I have carried stress and pressure in my Career when I have been working in areas that do not make my heart sing.  Many times I have not listened to my Intuition when I have been at the crossroads.

And yet all is different for me now.  And I am Grateful for my Path and my Journey.  I Trust all of my life experiences have served me.  The experience of getting married and divorced taught me the importance of being in my Heart and following my Intuition.  It has also served to remind me of the importance of Divine Love and Divine Union.  My experiences of being in depression, down in the dark, black hole taught me so much about the blackness.  In my blackness, I am so Grateful that my Mum and some very kind friends sat with me - they didn't try to pull or push me, they just sat with me.  When I found my way back to the Light, I felt Inspired to work and help people, to work in Service.  My Past experiences Inspired me to become a Coach, to catch people who may be about to fall into a black hole or to work with people so that they find their own Light and Love of Self and Create a Life they Love.  As a Coach I also have deep empathy and compassion for all others, and I also feel that I can see the signs as possible check-ins around support and care if people are in distress.  I have also been Grateful for the many relationships that have served me to better understand myself and others.  It was only when I decided last year what I deserved and wrote a list of everything I deserved in an intimate relationship that my Man appeared in my life.  The 4 years before then, I question my own level of self-worth, where I often settled for less than what I deserved.  In my work as a Coach I am Inspired to help Clients realise their own Love of Self, their Uniqueness and Greatness and also work with them to be clear about their Heart's desires and put their Dreams into ACTION.  

I am Grateful for my Past and all of these lessons will serve me in my Lifework as a Coach.  And yet I also want to let go of the heaviness and the pain.  I feel like all of these life experiences in the last decade are chapters in a book and I am putting the book on the bookshelf - the book is closed.  By closing the book, I can be truly and absolutely Present in my new book.

I definitely see the benefits of looking back on the Past to acknowledge the lessons and Gifts.  There are also benefits to seeing the Jewels of the Past - perhaps activities or adventures that I loved - the Gems that brought me Aliveness and Joy. I am able to look back over my Career and this has given me clues for my Purpose of Spread The Yellow.  For me I also recently remembered how much I loved sewing and I can't wait to sew again.  I also always remember how much I love Running and yet for now this is in my Past.  Even today when I caught a sight of the 'City To Surf'' I remembered how much I loved Running.  And yet I do not want to waste my mental energy or even conversation around what I "used to do" - instead I can Trust that I will run again and for NOW I will enjoy Walking and Yoga and weekend resting.  I will enjoy NOW.

Last weekend I enjoyed the 'Life Quality and Design' Course and it was wonderful to Create a Vision  Board for my Life that involves: Love ever after, loving being a Mum, Connection with Friends, Balance, Health and Self-Care, Space and Calm at Home, Space for my Coaching, Community Service, Space for Creativity of Sewing, Craft, Writing, Photography.  At the Centre is My Yellow Heart - Love, Light, Truth and Peace. 

Over the weekend I also realised that there was a Part in me that has been keeping me stuck in the Past.  A Part of me that was trying to Protect me.  This Part of me has been around a long time, probably about 10 years and was always the Part that was searching for more, searching and curious and always wanting to do something different, always collecting ideas and thinking and thinking and thinking.  This Part of me creates clutter in my home, office, mind.  And yet I have realised that I can release this Part of me, as I am now very clear about my Life Design and can be more organised and focused - I can live in simplicity and with Space.

I have been talking to my own Coach about a Letting Go Of My Past ritual, and yet it now seems ironic, as by talking about my Past I have been still keeping it alive.  Now that I have a clear Life Design, and the Vision is so clear, I do not want to waste energy.  I want to be focused and I also want to allow Space for the rising of my Spirit.  At the end of the Course, I realised that the ritual for me was about walking out the door and leaving the Past behind me, the charge associated with my Past, the time wasted talking or thinking about my Past.  It was a decision and a Commitment.  I do believe - as one door closes, another door opens.

As I walked out the door of my classroom I felt light and free.  And it made me laugh when I was driving home and saw the number plate "BE FREE" - the Universe is in full support of me.

In Letting Go Of My Past I can enjoy the NOW.  I enjoy Peace.  I feel free in my mind and live in My Yellow Heart.  I enjoy being in the moment with my Man.  Last Saturday night was a year since my Man and I enjoyed our first date and he surprised me with "Terrific Tapas" and we enjoyed a great night.

I am Grateful for the Gifts each day, the surprises and delights.  Just today when I was getting ready to begin my day, I was invited by a Friend to join her and her two children on a trip to see the whales at Kurnell.  I only had 5 minutes to get ready and I embraced the opportunity and loved being out in the sunshine and catching up with my Friend.  And then today I enjoyed a lunch with my Man's Mum and Friends and I was able to just relax and be Present.

Letting Go Of My Past means that I AM NOW FREE.  I make the Commitment to Honour NOW and Trust in my Future.  I make the Commitment to not waste my energy in my mind or in ACTION.  I am Grateful for the Gift of my Life.  I Honour My Self.

Holding The Paradox

There is so much that I am learning.  There is so much that I am wanting to apply in my own life and as areas to bring into the Consciousness of my Coaching Clients.  There is so much that I am naturally applying in my own life and I love the opportunity for Self-Reflection to see what is working and new opportunities for growth.

Often it is just the Awareness and the bringing into Consciousness that can create HUGE Shifts.  For me I have been Consciously bringing myself into a State of being Present (more often, most often), being more in Body, and less caught in my Thinking or Feelings.  Being in my Body is my resting place - and from here I am Guided by my Intuition.  When I am resting in my Body, being Present, I feel that I am in my Soul's Home, My Yellow Heart.  The image of My Yellow Heart always brings me back to this place.  When I find myself Overthinking or getting caught up in the Past or be in my Worrying Shadow - I bring in the image of My Yellow Heart, and I come back into being Present in the Now.  This Awareness and Consciousness is changing my life.

In this place of My Yellow Heart, I am able to experience and enjoy Holding The Paradox.   This is a new Concept for me, so simple and so Powerful.  I can hold the Dark AND the Light.  It is no longer about quickly shifting from the Dark to the Light, or just staying in the Dark, or there being just Dark OR Light.  When I am Holding The Paradox, it is not about 'but', it is about using the word 'AND' - using it from a genuine, felt sense, heartfelt place.  When I am Holding the Paradox, I am in Balance - there is one hand Holding the Dark and one hand Holding the Light.  In My Yellow Heart I am Grounded and I am filled with Spirit, I am in my Strength and Authentic Power and Truth.  I am not just saying the words I can have a strong sense and feeling of Holding The Paradox.

In my Life I feel comfortable Feeling into my Emotions, being Present to my Emotions.  By Being in my Body I can feel at a gut level what is real for me, not what I Think I am Feeling.  And as I sit in my Emotions, sometimes sadness or pain, I can also Hold the knowing that there is Light and Joy.

I am Holding The Paradox in many Areas of my Life right now.  Paradox defined -
" A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true: the paradox that standing is more tiring than walking."
- "An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid deduction from acceptable premises."

I can be in pain and sadness AND feel Happy and Grateful.  I can feel a sense of isolation and aloneness AND a strong sense of Love and Connection.  I can feel a sense of being stuck AND know I can take a step and start to move.

By Holding the Paradox, I do not feel distressed or weighed down or overwhelmed.  Especially when it comes to my loved one - right now I am Holding The Paradox of concern about my Parents and my Man who are all sick AND believing that they are getting the care and medical attention that is required and the Love and Light from me.  By Holding The Paradox I do not waste mental or emotional energy that does not serve me or serve the situation - instead, I can be fully Present to what is needed on a day to day, needs by needs basis.

I am Holding The Paradox that I am not earning as much money as my previous Management Career AND I can Trust and be Excited that I have found my Lifework as a Coach.  

I am Holding The Paradox that my work Monday-Wednesday does not make my heart sing and does not utilise all of my Strengths and Skills AND I am Grateful to work close to home and be busy in my job without a feeling of stress.

I am Holding The Paradox of there is so much still to learn and embrace AND I have learnt and grown so much.

I am Holding The Paradox of feeling less fit and not being able to run AND I can enjoy Walking and Yoga and a more relaxed pace of exercise.

I am Holding The Paradox of feeling I have so much to organise in my Home and garage and clutter to clear AND I am taking steps every day to create a Happy Home.

I am Holding The Paradox of day to day living with my Man and whatever that brings us in our day AND the Excitement of a deep and loving bond and wonderful times for our Future.

I am Holding The Paradox of being tired AND energised with all of my Dreams that I want to fit more into my day.

By Holding The Paradox I am Holding and Acknowledging the realness and the Truth AND I am also Holding a Light, Holding and Acknowledging being Grateful, holding Hope, holding my Dreams.

I can be Present to both Light AND Dark.  I can Hold both Light AND Dark.

In this Space of Holding both, I am neither Light or Dark.  I am at Peace.  In My Yellow Heart I am Love and Light.  And from this Space, I can draw in my Sage, my Wise Self.  My Sage is my Resource, infused with energy of God and Spirit, filled with rays of energy, helping me for my Highest  Good.  My Sage is Present when I am Acting, Speaking and Being in Wisdom.  While I am Still when I am Holding The Paradox, my Sage can help guide me towards my Next Steps.

And in my Purpose to Spread The Yellow, I am Holding The Paradox of:

- I am only one AND still I am one
- I cannot do everything AND still I can do something.

I am Holding The Paradox of wanting to rush out and get busy with Action and 'To Do' Lists AND  allowing space, living in the flow and trusting the Universe to show me the way.  I am asking God to show me the way and show me how I can live my Purpose to Spread The Yellow each and every day in the big and small ways.  By Holding The Paradox, this allows me more mental and emotional energy, more freedom, to be in the right Space to Love and Serve others.

And now it is time for me to wash up - one of the simple ways I can Spread The Yellow in my Home (since my Man hates washing up).  And then time for bed - Self-Care.