I Am Blessed

I haven’t written in this Blog space for 5 years - the last Blog I wrote was a month before my 40^th Birthday and now I am turning 45 years in 2 months.  Wow, in so many ways a lot has changed, my life has changed - and yet I am still the same in so many ways - and in other ways I have grown.

In terms of my life, 7 years ago today, I went to my neighbour’s housewarming (who happens to now be my husband), and that night there was a spark, the start of us liking each other.  And now we share our lives with our two beautiful children, my greatest dreams have come true.  I am blessed.  I am ecstatic!  I have always been in search of my true love - and now my search is over.  I absolutely love being a Mum - my children bring me so much joy.  And I love being the home maker and home manager.

As I approach my 45^th Birthday I feel more confident in myself and my mission.  And it is a journey that requires a commitment to continual learning and personal development.  I am blessed - I am happy to be healthy, I am loving my vegetarian cooking (especially , I love making healthy treats for our family, I enjoy getting out walking with my children, I love our home, I love spending time with my family, I am part of a wonderful Church community, I love my friends, I am surrounded by people who inspire me, I love my job and I even like my hair!  I am also really excited to be currently planning to re-establish my Coaching Business.

I am not striving to be perfect or to have a perfect life - life is not perfect and I cannot expect myself to be perfect.  Yet I am committed to being self-reflective, present, inspired, intentional, empowered and proactive.  To me it is about aiming for the 80/20 rule - where 80% of the time I feel happy with myself and different parts of my life.  And it is a journey. 

I still have challenges - some smaller ones, some bigger ones.  Yet I am blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people in my life.  And I am blessed to be self-aware and to have tools within me to support myself.  I am blessed to be in joy, gratitude and hope on a daily basis.

A big change for me has been my enhanced commitment to be active in my faith and my personal relationship with God, where I have named and claimed my Christianity.  This has made a huge impact on my life in terms of feeling at peace and feeling on purpose.  I praise God for my blessings and I know that he is with me and for me every day, every step of the way.  

Knowing my values is really important to me and living my life based on these values is the key for me.  A couple of years ago, with a group of my friends, we studied the book ‘Spiritual Parenting’ which I loved as it was a great opportunity to establish our family values and learn ways to be practical in building faith in our children.  In deciding what was important to us as a family we came up with an acronym for FAMILY which represents - Faith (A Commitment to be Active in our Faith), Attitude (Positive and Gratitude), Memories (Special Moments), Inspired (Life), Love (Ourselves, Others and the Earth), You (Know Ourselves, Our Gifts, Strengths, Uniqueness).    

My goal is to be in a state of presence every day, to be present moment to moment, to allow space to hear guidance from the Holy Spirit, so that I can live an inspired life, where I can make a difference.  I love acronyms and I love the acronym for TRUST - To Rely Upon Spirit Totally.  

I am enthusiastic to teach the meaning of our values to our children.

I am excited that I know myself and I know what is important to me.  And I am still learning about different parts of myself that work for me and other parts of myself that need to evolve.  Setting goals and personal development is still (as it has always been for the last 20+ years) important to me.  

I am happy!  I am grateful!  I am blessed!

I write this Blog to record my journey of self-reflection and self-discovery and my process of transformation.  It is about being authentic and real and sharing myself and my life.  It is about keeping myself accountable to be committed to my purpose, my passion, my vision.  It is not so much about others reading my Blog, although I have decided to be brave in sharing my personal journey with others. Thank you for taking the time to read this post and to get to know me more.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

1 Year

In 1 Year so much has happened, there have been some big changes in my life.

I am most Excited that I am now Married.  Getting Married to My Man was such a wonderful day - the happiest day of my life.  Words cannot really capture the Joy and Excitement and Love of our day on 11 April 2011.  It was such a perfect day.  What made it so perfect was being so happy and in Love - we had the biggest smiles all day.  It was also a perfect day, being surrounded by so many of our closest Family and Friends, those who we Love.  My Nieces were our Flowergirls and they looked so beautiful - it was so special having them be a part of our day.  I love my Nieces so much.  And it was very special for me having my Mum and Dad share our day.  I am so lucky to now have a wonderful Husband - who is my best friend, my everything.  I am very blessed.

And our Honeymoon was FANTASTIC!  It was so great going away together to Fiji, we just loved it!  No computers, no TV, no phones, just beautiful warm weather, relaxing days just the two of us.  Bula, Bula - everyone is so friendly.  The food was incredible, so much food - best fish I have ever tasted.  My Man loved the snorkelling, I saw this totally new side to him - he was so active and excited about going snorkelling and kayaking.  And I loved the swimming pool - as soon as I woke up I was in my swimming costume and just loved swimming in the pool.  I really loved the opportunity to relax in paradise together.  PARADISE is the word!!!

The Turtle is important in Fiji - it means goodluck.  I loved the Turtles on Treasure Island.  My life has been filled with good blessings in the last 1 Year.

And I do believe in making my own goodluck.  I am blessed that My Man came into my life and yet I do know that as soon as I became clear and conscious about what I wanted in a relationship, that I was able to be so confident that My Man was so right for me.  I also did not settle for anything less than the Vision I had for my True Love.  Finally!!! I am happy and in Love.  And the greatest realisation is that neither my Husband or I have to be perfect - we Love each other, we can grow together, we can learn and get to know all the different Parts of each other - and best of all, we are the Creators of our life together.

In the last 1 Year I have also been learning from being in my own Coaching business.  I have been Coaching for 1 Year now and now is the time for self-reflection - to look at what I have learnt and take those learnings to plan for the next 1 Year ahead.

I am happy.  It has been a wonderful 1 Year.  I am also blessed that my Mum is well and happy and healthy and we had a lovely Mother and Daughter day today.  And I always love to see my Dad, it has also been a big 1 Year for him.

It has been a big 1 Year.  Some things are not within my control - and yet I am choosing to focus on what I can control - choosing positive thoughts, letting go of worry, and very importantly taking ACTION towards my Goals - what are my Goals?  Time to set some new Goals - where do I want to be 1 Year from now?  I have learnt from the last 1 Year that I can make a difference, that I can consciously choose - now it is time to Visualise 1 Year from now and also start taking steps in that direction.

This week I plan to make time to reflect on the question on the back of my Business Card -
Ask yourself from the heart, if I could be, do or have anything I would definitely...
... Stay tuned...

Community

The other day I was with at my Parents' home and we were reminiscing about the days when I was a Runner.  I loved Running.  I was a part of a Running Club and I loved my Community.  I loved being part of this Community.  For a long time Running was a major part of my life - my week days and weekends were dedicated to training and competing.  And I loved it.  I do miss my Running and hope to get back to Running after we have a Family.  And I also love that now I have discovered new Parts of my Self.

I was showing My Man my photos from my Running and I also found a piece of writing from 26 January 2001 - 10 years ago.  Here is what I wrote:

"MISSION STATEMENT FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS

My wish is that all people will become actively involved in, and enjoy the benefits of, true Community.

Community is where a group of two or more people, regardless of differences, are able to accept and transcend these differences, enabling them to work effectively towards common Goals.  In a true Community, members support and encourage one another.  It is a place where there is freedom to be oneself, where ideas, opinions, sorrows, joys and Dreams are shared.

I am so fortunate to be part of the Western District Joggers & Harriers Club, which is more than just a Running Club... we are a Community... a Community that makes a difference to people's lives week in and week out.  The Running Club Community which originated in mid 1967 with only a few members now has over 200 Members.  Our Running Club meets every Saturday morning at Lake Gillawarna, Georges Hall at 7:30am.  We are a Family Blub which promotes Health and Fitness, with our Members enjoying the benefits and good feelings associated with being a part of a true Community.

My wish is that every individual becomes involved and joins a Community - such as a sporting group, a social club, a volunteer organisation, a church group, or a hobby group - any place where you can meet up with other people who may have the same interest (even if the interest is based on a desire to meet new people and enjoy new friendships).  I believe that the benefits for the individual and society of building communities are immeasurable.

My wish is that everyone can be proactive in building Communities within all their day to day relationships - within their Marriages, Families, work environments, social groups, sporting groups, suburbs, cities and countries.

As individuals we can build Communities by:

- Doing what is right;

- Being open and honest in all our interactions;

- Encouraging, celebrating and accepting our Uniqueness and different opinions, thoughts and ideas;

- Listening and being genuinely interested in others;

- Learning from one another's experiences;

- Always doing the best you can, in all you do;

- Being personally committed to continuous improvement;

- Treating others, as you would like to be treated.

God gave us the best Gift of all - the Gift of free will - the ability to choose.  Each day we make Choices.  We can choose how we want to spend our time, who we want to be, our Attitude and how we act and react.

My wish is that today, on Australia Day, 26 January 2001, all individuals make a choice to take personal responsibility and make a Commitment, to being the best they can be, and to build Communities within all their relationships.

It only takes small changes as individuals - but together we can make a big difference in building a better world.

I hope my wish comes true."

I loved reading what I wrote 10 years ago - feeling Inspired and seeing that my Values and Philosophy are still very similar.  And for the last 6 months I have consciously been aware of my feeling of a lack of Community in my life, or rather, the desire for me to regain a sense of Community in my life.  I am Grateful that I have a strong sense of Belonging with my Family and now with My Man, and yet there is a Part of me longing to again be a Member of a broader Community.  The Journey of being a Member came out when I was working with my Coach last year.  And I also know in my Heart, that some of my happiest times was when I was part of my Running Community - it is a time that brought me such great joy. 

And I am Excited that I have found a Community that I am growing to love.  I feel so at home when I go to Church on a Sunday - Kingsway Community http://www.kingsway.org.au/Welcome. There is so much Spirit within this gathering of friends.  I am made to feel so welcome and at the same time given Space so that I am not overwhelmed or rushed to give more than I can.  I have been going on and off for about 2 years and it was only recently that I started going there again more frequently after being away for about 5-6 months.  When I went back to Church I was overwhelmed with this feeling of being at home, overwhelmed with being somewhere so special, so emotional that I was moved to tears - happy tears. 

I love being in Connection each week with new people and I really love the messages each week from the Pastors.  What I love is that the Pastor is able to make the bible readings very relevant for today.  I also love that what the Pastors talk about is very much in line with my work in Coaching.  I love the Kingsway Community Churchs' Mission and Vision - Refuge for Healing, River for Refreshment, Resource for Unity.  Just the other week one of the Pastors was talking about all people being in touch with their Uniqueness  in the divine plan - I loved listening and felt so Inspired after being at Church - especially since this is an area I am so Passionate about in working with my Clients - helping Clients connect to their own sense of Uniqueness and Greatness.  I also loved when one of the Pastors talked about Community as "sharing the joy of Hope".

I loved being at Church on Sunday.  I was actually Excited to be going, as I know I always enjoy the feeling of being in this Community.  This week at Church the Pastors talked about this year being a year of "letting go".  He talked about the verse in the bible from Hebrews 12:1-2 (ESV)  "since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" and used the metaphor of an Olympic Runner who is trying to run with a whole crate of lead and how he will be slower versus someone who is free.  He gave examples of "Everything that hinders:
    * Unfulfilled and unrealistic expectations
    * Disappointments/hurts/offences
    * Fear and insecurities, self-esteem issues
    * Apathy/laziness
    * Busyness
    * Accumulation/material obsession/worldly goals
    * Self reliance
    * Isolation/individualism
    * Programs
    * Belief systems
    * Health/fitness issues – physical/emotional/spiritual
    * Facades/masks
    * Unhealthy relationships
    * Demarcation
    * Control/pride
    * My agenda
    * Judgemental criticism
    * Disobedience
    * Comfort
    * Bitterness/unforgiveness
    * “Rights”/title/position."
I loved how the Pastor talked about Mindsets, Beliefs and Attitudes that slow us down and trip us up, and the importance of Perseverence.  I just love that the language that is used at the Church is in line with my life and my Beliefs and my Coaching.  I just love these words in one of the Pastor's Blog "The exciting thing in all of this is the goal … which is greater FREEDOM. Imagine for a minute what it would be like to be totally free … free from ‘every weight’ that slows you down, hinders your relationships, distracts your purpose, hampers your development, obstructs your growth and holds you back from being the extraordinary person God wants you to be for Him and His kingdom … NOW. The more we can get rid of these burdens, weights and loads from our life, the better and more effective we will be …  and the more fun we will have together."

I feel very Inspired to become more involved in this Community.  Whenever I go to Church I feel Inspired to Volunteer and now I feel Inspired to offer up my Gift of Coaching.  I am not sure in what form I will be involved - I would be happy to offer some Workshops and Coaching and I am Excited that I spoke with one of the Team Leaders last Sunday and will meet her for a cuppa and see if I can be of Service.  I was also very interested to hear about the Youth Programme the Church is running and may be able to offer Coaching to one of the teenagers.  I was amazed to hear that of the Youth going to a Youth Group on a Friday night, only 20% are from Families who go to the Church, 80% of the Youth are coming on their own, perhaps connecting to a sense of Spirituality for the first time.

I am Excited to have found a Community that I love.

I am also very interested in joining in the Community of Coaches that is being led by the Vision of one of my friends from College.  We are meeting in a few weeks and I am looking forward to hearing more about the Vision and Mission of this Community.  My wish is that I can combine my interest in being involved in the Community of Coaches with my desire to be more involved in my local Community.

What I love about my Church Community is that they are Local and offer so many great Programs for the Local Community, and they are also very Conscious and Connected to the Global Community.  And I love the music, I love the music - it is a chance to rejoice and be Grateful.  Here are some of the songs from last Sunday that I loved singing
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MKAzYJcWSY
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UJtuyY8v1g (very Inspired by the words of this song)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79055I6o-NQ

When I was a Member of my Running Club, I loved seeing friends week in and week out, being caring and supporting each other, being of Service in the Community as Club Captain, and also being of Service for the greater good (as we raised money for different charities).  My wish for my Self is that I become a true Member of a Community again, and I feel I am taking steps in the right direction.

Perfect

Perfect - Defined as:
- conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
- excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
- exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose
- entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings
- accurate, exact, or correct in every detail:
- expert; accomplished; proficient.

When do we start trying to be Perfect?  Is it when we are young and start school and try to get everything right so that we get some gold stars and be "good"?  Is it when we are teenagers and start comparing ourselves to other people in our class, stars on television, models in the magazines?  Is it when we start working and there is the pressure to know all the answers and act like we are great at every part of our job (especially since we try so hard at the interview to impress and 'act' like we will be Perfect for the role)?  Is it when we become Wives and fall 'victim' to the 'Perfect HouseWife Syndrome'?

I am about to become a Wife again and a big Part of me wants to be the Perfect HouseWife.

I remember years ago - years and years ago - when I bought my first home with a boyfriend, a man I thought I was going to marry.  I loved our house.  And I was keen to make it a home.  I wanted it to be Perfect.  After a few months, my boyfriend broke up with me - he said I was like 'Betty Crocker' and he wasn't ready to settle down, he wanted to travel and party and stay young - he wasn't ready.

And then years later I got married and my ex-husband was happy for me to be his Wife.  And I wanted to be Perfect.  And I struggled to be Perfect.  As a couple we were far from Perfect.  And in my Self I was searching to be Perfect, to find the Perfect career to make me happy.  And I had a lot of stuff - I remember that one of our bedrooms of our three bedroom home, the study, was a mess, and I would always quickly shut the door if we had visitors.  I hated that I wasn't Perfect.  And then the imperfections became  very clear as our marriage started falling apart and I started falling apart.  And this was a long time ago.

And now I am getting married again - and I can't wait!!!  It feels very different this time.  Last time, I remember 6 weeks before the wedding and I was worried about sending out the wedding invitations and I spent a lot of time thinking and justifying in my mind why I should get married - while my Intuition, my 'gut' feel, was yelling out to me - and I didn't take notice.  Now I pay attention to my Intuition and I am so Grateful that now every part of me knows that my marriage to be will be wonderful - our relationship is wonderful.  What I love about being with My Man most is that I can be Me.  I also love that I do not have to be Perfect.  And I love that My Man is Perfect to me.  We are both imperfectly Perfect.  We accept all Parts of each other. Our love is Perfect.  How Perfect that I can be my ImPerfect Self and be loved by My Man.

As a Coach I am always on the look out for my Clients' Perfectionists, who may be stopping my Clients from moving forward in achieving their Dreams.  In working with my Clients I help them access other Parts of Self so that they can set and achieve their Goals.

And so I ask my Self - what is the role of the Perfectionist in our lives?  What is the role of the Perfectionist in my life?  I know from my Training and experience that there is a Gift to every Part within our Self.  As I Dream about being a Perfect Wife I wonder what is the message here for me?

Just today I have been thinking about what I want to achieve before we get married - apart from having a Perfect Wedding Day.  I have set my Self some Goals that are important to me: 

- Clean my Study (so much paperwork and clutter)

- Organise my Superannuation

- Clean and organise and de-clutter my garage (again). 

Perhaps the Gift of my Perfectionist is that this Part of me is reminding me of what needs to be done to clear clutter and Create Space in my home and in my mind.  And it is easy to be motivated to achieve these Goals as I know that I will feel very happy.  I always feel good after housework - I actually enjoy cleaning.  Now it is time to make more time for our home and my personal finances - it is time to get done what is important to me -  to treat these as Priorities in my life. 

It is my Mum and Dad's 43rd Wedding Anniversary today - which is beautiful.  I feel bad that I am not the Perfect Daughter as I have had such a busy week and day that I forgot that today was their special day - and now I am justifying and finding excuses.  And I am happy that my Mum and Dad had a lovely day out today - that is most important - and so it doesn't matter if I wasn't Perfect in my own eyes - what is most Perfect is that I love my Mum and Dad so much and they love me.

I love that I have such wonderful role models of marriage from my Mum and Dad.  And I do think that my Mum and Dad are both Perfect.  And My Man and I will be Perfect in our own way, in our unique way.

And as I think about my upcoming marriage I do believe that things will be different - I want things to be different.  I know that I will feel different.  We have lived together for a year now and yet I know for me marriage is different.  Some people say that when they get married it is no different from living together.  And yet I know it will be different, I want it to be different.  Getting married for me is a very BIG deal, especially after I have been previously married and it did not work.  I believe that I will feel different.  And I want the exterior to also be different - and so I want to do a BIG clean up before we get married.  It has been challenging moving 2 x 2 bedroom homes into 1 unit - and that is just an excuse.

I think that I have been so against being Perfect, that I have been too Relaxed.  And I have loved the Relaxed Part of me - it lets me relax on the lounge and watch my favourite shows after having a busy day at work.  And now it is time to bring the Organiser Part of me onto the Stage of my life and help me achieve my Goals before I get married - and I don't have to be Perfect.

I need to remind my Self - I don't have to be Perfect.

I don't want to be like the women in 'Stepford Wives' - I just want to be My Self.

Now that I am a Life Coach, working with Clients to create a life that they Love, I often challenge my Self - shouldn't I be Perfect and have every area of my life at a 10 out of 10?  Sometimes this is what I ask my Self - and then I remind my Self that I do not have to be Perfect - that, like my Clients, I am also on a Journey and I am learning and growing.  What I can promise my Self and my Coaching Clients is that I am committed to Self-Reflection, Self-Awareness and Self-Development.  With this promise and knowing I can be less Perfect and more accepting and more loving to my Self.

Stop

Stop - that's what I need to do when I decide to eat chocolate.  I have to Stop eating chocolate!

Growing up I loved chocolate.  It was always a special treat on the day my Mum went shopping, where she would buy a block of chocolate or we would get some dairy milk rolls as a special treat.  And then at school, I loved eating strawberry freddos.  I always liked chocolate.  And then I became super serious with my running, and for a long time, maybe around 5-7 years, I didn't eat any chocolate or any sugar or any cakes or any treats.  I loved that I was so disciplined and I felt healthy in some ways - and in other ways my diet was so extreme that it was stressful, especially since I was also vegan.

And so I started becoming more flexible with my diet.  Now my preference is vegetarian, although I do eat fish.  And since I met My Man I started eating Lindt chocolate.  And yet the truth is that even though I like chocolate, every time I eat it, I feel sick.  I thought that it may be me feeling guilty that I was eating chocolate and yet I eat it so rarely that I do not feel guilty - I just feel sick.  I eat chocolate, I definitely enjoy the chocolate, and then within a short period of time I get a headache, stomach ache and my legs start aching - I then lie in bed feeling sick.  And often the next day I wake up with a chocolate hangover - feeling heavy and tired and sick.  And I know all of this, and I still, from time to time, maybe once a week or once a fortnight, decide to eat chocolate.

The last two nights I have had chocolate.  And it might not sound like a big deal, considering I don't eat chocolate very much - yet it is a big deal, given that it makes me feel sick - I feel that I am allergic to something in chocolate - and I know it, and I still eat it.  The good news is, that I haven't really had much chocolate since Christmas, and so I know it is not an addiction and I know I can give it up - and I want to Stop eating it - to best look after my Self.

And I am aware that eating chocolate or sweets can often be linked to our emotional state - and I have definitely had two huge and challenging days at work - and I am conscious of eating chocolate - and often it is because I like the taste, and then the delight is very quickly replaced with regret.

I've been reading 'The Best Year Of Your Life' by Debbie Ford, an amazing book, and I love the poem by Portia Nelson, which illustrates how we "keep engaging in the same behaviours over and over again".

- "I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street."


I love this poem.  I feel Inspired when I read the words.  And I could definitely relate to the words, particularly for previous relationships that did not serve me.  And now for chocolate.  It makes no sense to me why I continue to eat chocolate, even if it is only every now and then, when it moves me away from my preferred happy and healthy Self - and so I am making the commitment to Stop.

My Strategy is to make sure I pause before taking a piece of chocolate, and in that moment I will imagine a Stop sign - as well as projecting forward and remembering how unwell I will be if I eat the chocolate. 

I am also Excited that I am getting married in 8.5 weeks and I also plan to Visualise my Self in my Yellow Dress, as I want to feel my best.  As we are also trying for a baby, which is SO important to me, I am also planning to imagine keeping my body healthy and strong for our beautiful baby.

By writing this Post, I am showing all of me, including my imperfections  - which is interesting, as I have continued to eat chocolate every now and then so that I am not being so strict on my Self and not being too perfect.  In Coaching, I am often on the look out for the Perfectionist Part of my Clients that sabotage Self-Esteem and can affect our achieving of our Dreams - and yet I need to get real - eating chocolate does not serve me.  I am using this Space to detail my Goal of not eating any chocolate at all anymore, and to also hold my Self Accountable to my Self.

Of course I have also asked My Man for support and asked him not to offer me any chocolate or buy me any chocolate, and to also tackle me if I make my way to the fridge to have some of his chocolate.  Time for me to be focused and Stop.  It's that simple.  And instead of chocolate I will choose a peppermint tea which I always enjoy and makes me feel relaxed and at peace.

To Love and Be Loved

To Love and Be Loved - the Greatest Gift of all.  I feel VERY happy that in 9 weeks time I will be married to My Man.  We were originally planning to get married on 14 March 2011 and now we have had to move it back until 11 April 2011, due to the decision to move the ceremony to a different venue.  And I can't wait!!!

I am ready!!! 

When My Man and I were engaged I felt very happy and in love.  It was the most wonderful day - a day to always be remembered - a day of dreams coming true.  My Man is very romantic and thoughtful and makes a big effort for me - he is wonderful - I am blessed.  For as long as I can remember I have always been a true romantic - I have always been looking for my True Love.  I just love romantic movies, songs, and for every television show, I am always most interested in the developing relationships and wanting people to fall in love. 

And so when we got engaged, it was so perfect - yet it wasn't long before the Shadow Parts of me began to surface, where I started feeling unsure, with worries from my previous experience of marriage.  It was no surprise when I started having doubts.  After a failed marriage and me being unwell, I actually expected that I would start feeling the Runner Part of me wanting to run away, especially after I had also been engaged to another man after my failed marriage (and ran away).  Luckily the bigger Part of me, this time, wants to stay (and now I choose to stay and thrive) forever.

Lucky for me, I have a WONDERFUL Mentor and Coach, who helped me get in touch with what I want most of all - to marry My Man.  I love Coaching and I am Grateful that I have experienced the power of Coaching.  Through Coaching with my Coach I was able to get in touch with the voice of my Innocence, allowing the Caretaker Part of me to listen closely to the Innocence Part of me.

And then once I knew the Truth, my Truth, my deepest desire To Love and Be Loved, to marry My Man, it was then the role of the Warrior Part of me to protect my Truth, from other Parts of me.  So many Parts trying to come onto the stage of my life.

I also love that my beautiful Coach helped me step into my Creator energy.  When I was in a place of doubt and uncertainty, I was also in a place of powerlessness, an energy I felt when I was previously married, a time of sadness and depression and hopelessness.  Through Coaching I was able to regain a sense of feeling empowered, that there are always choices - and most importantly that My Man and I can tap into the Creator Parts within us to Create our own unique and special relationship.  A big THANK YOU to my Coach, a woman who has made a big difference in my life, a woman who Inspires me.

I love the Creator Part of me.  I love the Creator Part within us all and love helping Clients find this Part within Self.  How exciting to realise that we have the power to make choices, to Create a wonderful life that is right for our own Self, to write our own unique stories.

And so after being Coached by an incredible Coach, I have been able to get in touch with what is true for me, and what I've known for so long, that My Man is the right Man for me.  I am very in love and can't wait to be Husband and Wife.  The other Parts of me, the different voices of my internal dialogue, that were causing me unnecessary doubt, are no longer around me - I am so happy that I am marrying My Man.

As well as a change in the ceremony venue, we have also decided to get married in a Church.  Our Priest is lovely - and I feel so honoured that he will marry us.  In the last couple of days I have been searching for music to play at our wedding and I have found some beautiful songs.  I have found this beautiful song which we may play for walking down the aisle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sE40VAIpfI and a beautiful song for when we sign our certificates http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5qp0FQWq2M

There is still much to do and yet I feel relaxed - and that is a wonderful surprise for me.  I was watching 'Packed To The Rafters' tonight, a show I love, and one of the characters Ben was making a speech at his friend's engagement party and he said these words that definitely resonated with me "two best friends who make a life together no matter what the future brings".

I can't wait to get married!!!

Listen To Your Heart

It has been a busy weekend planning our wedding - tomorrow it will be 7 weeks until our big day.  Planning our wedding has been an interesting exposure to many key learning opportunities for me - one of the main reminders for me is about the importance to Listen To Your Heart. 

In planning a wedding, there are so many decisions to be made - it is actually a great exercise in decision making.  It is interesting that over the course of my life I have always viewed myself as someone who is indecisive, believing that it is a trait of me being of Libra starsign.  I have even completed management courses on decision making and yet for a long time I have struggled with making decisions, even believing that I have made so many bad decisions, wrong decisions, and I have found it humorous that I still make bad decisions after studying the process through courses and reading books.

I have previously thought that one process of decision making was to get out a piece of paper and write down all of the pros and cons, the for and against - and through this process, what seems to be the obvious decision "should" appear (this is the theory).  And yet often this is a process that just involves thinking, not always how we are feeling.  A good example of this process is when in the 'Sex and the City: The Movie' Miranda and Steve separate and Miranda is deciding if she should reconcile the marriage and she spends time writing her list.  It is interesting that this does not reveal the truth to her - it is only when she listens to herself, her heart, her own Truth that she races to meet her Husband on Brooklyn Bridge and they kiss and express how much they love each other.

Through my Coaching Course and over the last two years I have learnt the fail proof way to make decisions, it is such a simple process, a simple Truth, a Truth that I am still practicing and perfecting and a Truth I want to share with My Man, Family, Friends - very much with my Clients.  THE TRUTH - Decision Making 101 - Listen To Your Heart.

I don't know when we stop listening to our own Heart, perhaps when we go to school and we start learning all of these facts and figures and there is so much emphasis on thinking and using our minds.  Or is it when we start high school and we experience peer pressure and "try hard" to fit into the crowd.  Or is it through reading all of the magazines and watching all of these advertisements and we strive for perfection according to what "they" say - always trying to please others.  No wonder we get confused and lose a sense of ourselves.

As you Listen To Your Heart, it is definitely not a process of thinking - it is a process of feeling, listening, sitting in the quietness - what is our gut feel, what is the feeling in our body - and it is in the quietness we can hear the call of our Soul - it is in the spaciousness that we can feel Spirit rising.

One of the main areas of my Coaching work is helping Clients get in touch with their own Truth and to live from this place.  I love my work as a Coach, it is so rewarding.  It is also very important to me that I am an Integral Practitioner, that I live my own Truth and apply what I am learning.

My wedding has been a great opportunity to practice being true to my Self.  When it comes to a wedding, everyone has an opinion of how it "should" be done, what is expected - and there are so many magazines (beautiful images) that draw us in - and it is easy to get caught up with the excitement and wanting the day to be perfect.  And of course there is nothing wrong with wanting it to be perfect in our own way.

Today I had a tough moment with my Mum.  I love my Mum so much, my Mum is my best friend.  I worry about my Mum and I am so Grateful that my Mum is feeling well and that she will be with us to celebrate our special day.  Today my Mum came over to look at my dresses - I have 2 dresses that have been hanging in my cupboard as potential wedding dresses.  There is the cream lace wedding dress that is beautiful and that my Mum loves - and I like.  And there is my very special Yellow gown that I LOVE.  I showed my Mum my Yellow gown with my beautiful brooch and my beautiful shoes that I bought yesterday (I love my shoes - I finally get how Carrie in 'Sex and the City' feels so much love of shoes - it is true they make my dress more beautiful).  As soon as I put on my Yellow dress I felt magical, I felt special, I felt alive, I felt confident, I felt beautiful, I felt ME.  My Mum liked the dress - more than she had the first time she had seen it - and I felt we had turned a corner.  Unfortunately I made the mistake of trying on the other lace dress, after my Mum asked me to try it on - and then I saw the look in my Mum's eyes - she liked the lace dress more - best of all.  For me the lace dress is beautiful and yet I do not feel it is the right dress for me.  I took off the dress, put it in the bag and felt disappointed and upset, very disappointed.  My Mum also looked sad and said that she was just telling me her opinion.  I told my Mum that I loved my Yellow dress, that this was right for me, that this felt right for me.  I told my Mum that she had raised me to be an individual, to be my own person and most of all I wanted my Mum to say that most of all she just wanted me to be happy and to wear the dress that made me happy.

I felt sad that my Mum was upset.  It made me very sad.  And yet I know that wearing the dress I love on our wedding day is just a symbol of my decision to live my own Truth, to follow this sacred principle of Listen To Your Heart.  And I do believe that by listening to my Heart and following my Truth, that this is Inspired by God - forever and always encouraging me to be true to my Self, to be my Self, loving me for my Self.

After my Mum left I played one of my favourite songs - 'Who Are You Listening To' Ginny Owens
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqEbOaD3Qa8
I love these words -
"This is your life,
And yet somehow,
They decide,
What you're about,
You learn your lines,
And take your cues,
But who are you listening to?

You change your clothes,
And how you speak,
You place your hope,
In what they think,
Before you know
There's no more you,
Who are you listening to-
Have you noticed how much you fear,
All the voices you choose to hear

Who are you listening to?
Who tells you what to do?
Who rules your thoughts at night?
Whose rules define your life?
Oh, you know it's up to you,
So who are you listening to

This is your life,
You have no choice,
You will rely
On someone's voice,
And it's all right
To question who,
Who are you listening to?
Do the words that you believe
Set your soul and spirit free

There's a quiet voice,
Whispering in your heart,
It's been there all along,
It believes in you,
It will tell the truth,
Can't you hear it call?" 

I love this song.

About 10 minutes after my Mum left, I received a call from my Mum.  My Mum told me that she liked my Yellow dress - I was overcome with emotion hearing my Mum's voice and don't really remember the exact words.  I told my Mum that I loved her and my Mum said "I love you and that's why I want you (don't think it was that exact word) to wear the dress that makes you happy".  I could hear my Mum was emotional and was crying ((unlike my Mum (not very unlike me, I am often getting emotional, including now as I watch'Australia')).

Our wedding is 7 weeks away tomorrow and there are still decisions to be made and I am committed to listening to my Heart and loving My Man as we work together to create our special day - and that's another lesson for me - in relationship, the importance of staying true to my Self AND also listening to, and honouring, what makes My Man happy.  It is true that in the planning of our wedding, I am learning so much, and practicing skills that will serve us forever and always in our relationship.

It is now 12.01am Monday - now it is today - 7 weeks away will be our day.

2011!!!

2011!!!  I love the beginning of a New Year - it is such a great chance to set a Vision for the New Year - it is always a great chance for reflection and a great opportunity for excitement. 

It has been great being on holidays this week - just a chance to relax and recharge and get ready for NOW, the New Year, 2011!!!  One of my favourite things this week has been going to the Moonlight Cinema - I love being outdoors and I love movies and so it is a perfect enjoying this setting with My Man.  We watched 'Life As We Know It' - a love story with a baby, loved it, love love stories, love babies.

This week I have also loved the chance to read a novel - wow - a story - fiction.  I have always loved  reading non-fiction, self-development books - and since becoming a Coach I now read personal development books with a broader agenda, which means I am always thinking how I can apply this knowledge for myself and to help my Clients.  And so WOW - how great it feels to not think and just read a story.  I read 'The Forgotten Garden' by Kate Morton - loved it - loved it so much that I just wanted to keep reading every chance I got - and what a great way to relax.

Another highlight this week has been planning our wedding - still a lot to do - and yet we got started.  It is exciting and there is so much to do - and I feel relaxed trusting it will all come together. 

New Year's Eve was great!!!  We went to our favourite restaurant - an intimate Japanese restaurant - great food - just the two of us.  We had been invited to a party with friends and yet we also like to enjoy a quiet night together as a great way to begin the New Year.

I loved the chance to reflect on our highlights of 2010 over dinner - so many highlights - getting engaged, starting to try for our own baby, my Mum feeling healthy, my Dad bouncing back after heart surgery, starting my own Coaching Business, My Man getting a new job (his dream job), My Man's Mum enjoying a nice holiday, time with my Nieces, time with our Families, day trips, dinners out, birthday celebrations, holiday away to Nelson Bay.  For us there have been big things - and there has been much simplicity and small things being the big things.

After a lovely dinner, we enjoyed taking a walk along the beach  I really love where we live.  And then at home I loved watching a love story and watching the fireworks.  It was nice to be at home when we enjoyed the 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 Happy New Year 2011!!!  It is great to feel so at home in our home, feeling so at home in my Self, feeling so at home with another.  How many New Year's Eve nights, how many nights was I wishing I would kiss My True Love - I have always been looking for Love - and now I can stop searching - YAHOO!!!

So here we are - 2011!!!  We enjoyed a nice lunch with Family and then a nice relaxing afternoon - a perfect start to the New Year.  And how do I want this year to be for me - where do I want to be when I am sitting here on the first day of 2012 - how will I know it has been a great year?  This time next year I will be a happy wife, a Mum, we will be living in a new home, my main work will be my lifework working one on one with my Coaching Clients and also running Workshops and Group Coaching and I will be writing books.  What will not change - the most important thing to me is time with everyone I Love - Love will always be most important to me.

I love that I have my Vision Board for my Life Design in our bedroom - it is great seeing this when I wake up everyday - it is simple and it is clear - everything that is important to me.

And I love that I am in touch with my Passions and my Values.  I have these on a board that I will also post up next to my bed - so that everyday I will remember what makes me feel alive - here I am 2011!!!

This is what it reads -

What are my PASSIONS?  What Brings Me Alive?
How would I wish to spend my last day on earth? 
Actually this is how  I want to LIVE EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE...
”And these are a few of my favourite things...”

Love - Partner, Family, Friends, Clients, Love to All - I also can’t wait to be a Mum and have our own beautiful baby

God  -  Living InSpirit - Open to Inspiration, Space for the Rising of Spirit, Belief that we are all here for a Divine Purpose - I Am Here to Love and Serve

Connection - One-on-one sharing of Sacred Space, PRESENCE with another - Seeing, Honouring, Acknowledging the Light and Gifts in another - Loving and Encouraging Uniqueness and Greatness  (Unity in Diversity, Joy of Differences and Similarities, Moment-to-Moment we can Rejoice in ‘X-Factor’ in each other - one of my favourite parts of College has been enjoying and being a Witness to the AMAZING Gifts and Uniqueness in each of us - WOW,  AND Connection even when it is hard - Conscious Acceptance and  Love of What Is...)

Coaching - I am very Passionate about Coaching  and the opportunity to help Clients feel Self-Love, learn to be true to Self and feel Empowered to Create a life that Inspires and Excites them

Nature - Birds, trees, flowers, walking through the bush, floating in the ocean

Personal Development - Learning, Reading, Studying, Self-Reflection, Growth

Balance - Being/ Doing, Life/ Work, Personal/Professional, Solitude/ Intimacy - Allowing Space in my life for new interests to emerge - looking forward to enjoy time for sewing, writing, cooking, creating

Health - Self-Care Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually

Gratitude - Daily Reflection of all the beauty, wonders, miracles and Gifts in my life

Community - Feeling of Home and Belonging - Desire to Contribute - Feeling a sense of Love and Connection with others - Passionate about Encouraging Community to be Inclusive rather than Exclusive - Passionate about Contributing and being of Service Locally and Globally

Being Present - Mindfulness, Living in the Moment, Being Spontaneous and EMBRACING NOW,  Enjoying Now, Trusting the Flow.

And I find that by Being Present in 2011 I am able to enjoy the Gifts of every day.  Today when I am glancing out the window I am so Grateful for the Frangipani Tree that I can see - the flowers are beautiful - a Gift from God, and I have such great thanks.

And now I am so Grateful that I can make a nice cup of peppermint tea and relax with my Man.

To 2011 - to making every day a great day living a Passionate life.  To making dreams come true.  To being Me.  And so important is to Love and Serve - to live my life on Purpose - to Spread The Yellow.

2011!!!  I am ready.

White Butterflies

Has anyone/ everyone noticed that White Butterflies are everywhere right now?   I love Butterflies and I am in delight when I see them prancing and dancing among the flowers.  I especially love when I see two White Butterflies dancing together - seeing Butterflies makes my heart sing.

It is perfect to be seeing and enjoying the beauty of Butterflies - a symbol of change and transformation - timely for me and most probably true for many as we journey towards the end of 2010, towards 2011.

I am very Excited to be finished my Diploma of Transformational Coaching Course.  It has been an amazing, AMAZING Course.  I am very Grateful for my Teachers who have Inspired me and helped me be the best Life Coach that I can be and have taught me the importance of Self-Reflection as an opportunity to keep learning and growing - and Inspired me through their commitment to study. 

And I am also very Grateful that I belong to a Community of wonderful women who have made the experience of becoming a Life Coach so rich and alive and meaningful and real.

Our final weekend for our Course was a chance for Self-Reflection and Honouring, Sharing, Transition and Celebration.  I loved the opportunity to create a Journey Stick, choosing a stick from Nature and decorating it with colour, representing where we have been and where we are going to - our Past and our Future.  And I loved having the symbol of the Butterfly on my Journey Stick. 

I felt like it was the ‘Love Fest’ - so much Love, Heart-Felt Acknowledgement, Warmth, Authenticity, Presence, Connection, Community.  When I talk about Spread The Yellow, this was it - the exchange of Love, Light, Positive Energy, seeing the Light and Spirit in each other - WOW!!!  On the final day of our Course I loved that our Teachers set up a Threshold to represent this time of Transition - Completion of our study and Forward Movement to a new time in our lives. As we were walking down the stairs towards the Threshold, I was looking around at all of the beauty, aliveness, incredible-ness in each of my fellow Soul Sisters and I felt so Excited - Excited at the difference we can make in the world.  May we be the White Butterflies prancing and dancing among the flowers.

With the White Butterfly a symbol of Transformation, this is true in so many ways for me (apart from finishing my Course).  It is interesting as the last two years has highlighted the importance of Balance for me - Balance of Personal and Professional, Doing and Being, Solitude and Intimacy, Activity and Relaxing.  I am Excited that although I love Coaching and love working with people on their Journey - I am also committed to my own Journey, my own life, my own life separate from my lifework.  Two years ago I never would have guessed that I would be here planning my wedding, finally letting go of relationships that did not serve me, and being open to True Love. 

This year sharing Christmas Day together and together with our Families was very special.  Although My Man and I exchanged so many Gifts and there were so much Gift giving with my Nieces - my favourite Gift of all is that of being together - it is what I appreciate the most.  We enjoyed a beautiful, relaxing lunch with My Man's Mum and I was so happy that my Mum and Dad were also guests for lunch.  

 

And after enjoying the relaxing day, we then entered the chaos of time with my Brother, Sister-In-Law and my three beautiful Nieces - and I loved it all!!!  Presents, giggles, hugs, kisses, laughter.  And more food!

And time on the trampoline - the new trampoline that Santa brought my Nieces.  I love My Nieces - they are White Butterflies in my life - dancing and prancing and so in the moment.

For me Love and Family are the most important and I am Grateful that my Coaching Course also helped me come Home to my Self - where I feel relaxed, at peace and HAPPY.  Meditations from our Final Course at College and the experience of creating our Journey Stick, highlighted to me that I was once a person chasing Happiness, so busy being busy, busy chasing Love - now I AM HAPPY, now I AM LOVE.  Now I AM.  Now I AM ME.

It is definitely a time of Change and Transformation - the merging of our two Families and the creating of our own Family.  We are getting married in 12 weeks and there is much to do - and we are also looking forward to having our own baby - now that will be most wonderful!!! 

And I want to be like the White Butterflies - just enjoying the flowers, the sunshine, the freedom of being alive, the joy of being me, the joy of being in relationship.  We have a poster in our living area that speaks to my heart and is a great reminder of what to bring into each and every day "Live - Laugh - Love".

The ironic thing tonight is that as I am about to publish this Blog about White Butterflies, there are two small moths flying around our home, flying close to me.  I have never been a fan of moths and yet they are so similar to Butterflies (and very different) - as I am reminded by My Man.  It is interesting, Google tells me that Butterflies fly during the day and moths fly during the night - and without doubt this is symbolic of one of my other greatest learnings of the last two years - that there is Light and Dark, day and night, sunshine and rain - and I can be with all - I can be with the Paradox - I can be with Joy, I can be with Pain.  Perhaps it is true that I most delight when I am in the Light and see the Butterfly - I have a natural tendency to move towards the Positive and the sunshine - this is my nature and my strength as a Life Coach.  And I have learnt to be in Sacred Space with sorrow - I can be still and calm (rather than panic) when I am in the Dark or feel the movement of the moth.  

I am now Home in my Self - and I can take that with me wherever I Am - I have all of my Strengths and Resources - when I am at Home in my Self I am in My Yellow Heart - I Am Love, Light, Truth and Peace - this is my Soul's Home, in the quietness I feel the rising of Spirit, I am in Connection with God.  When I am Home in my Self I can see that I am the Butterfly, I am the Moth, I am All.