I Wish

The other day I went into Paddington to get some makeup for my wedding. As I do not wear makeup very often and like a very natural look, I have been looking for a makeup artist and the right makeup. And after meeting a lovely beautician on Thursday night, my journey took me into Paddington.

I am not a big shopper and yet when I arrived at Paddington, I heard the faint whisper of a Part of me that said “I Wish”... I was shocked - the voice said “I Wish I was rich...” In a second I thought about how I would go to the day spa all the time for facials and massages and “I Wish I was rich to go into all of the fancy clothing boutiques” and ”I Wish I had the confidence to go into the fancy boutiques”. And then in an instant I thought “I Wish I was more beautiful”,” I Wish I had perfect skin”, ” I Wish I had perfect features”, “ I Wish I had beautiful long hair”, “I Wish I looked all dressed up and fancy like the ladies passing by me”.

I was very curious about this Part of me...

Normally I sit in a place of Gratitude and Thankfulness for all I am and all I have. Very big in my Awareness is the fact that so many people live in poverty and struggle for their basic needs or even just people who are affected by sickness and disabiity. And yet here I was wishing for more.

And it is not that I can’t afford clothes in those boutiques - maybe one or two pieces (maybe a scarf) if I made it a Priority - yet it actually comes back to the larger Part of me that does not really like shopping. And yet I have noticed that there is this Part of me that is become louder and wants to wear nice things and wear makeup and look pretty. For a long time I did competitive Running, it was always about being faster - short hair, skinny, Running shoes, Running clothes, Running, training, competing - very Masculine and Yang. I even remember a boyfriend at the time who grew sick of my tracksuits and wished I wore more skirts - I still remember him saying that to me. And after I hurt my back I started wearing shapeup joggers to help my back, and they do make a difference - and yet now I want different. Now my Feminine Part of me, my Yin, is coming more alive, back alive - where I am finding myself wanting to buy magazines, wear pretty blouses, wanting to paint my nails - and even travelling to Paddington to get the right makeup that is right for me.

These thoughts in my head of “I Wish” only lasted about one or two minutes. I was then able to return to the Part of me that knows I am so fortunate. And then I also sat in a Space of what is really most important to me - what “I Wish” for the most - “I Wish my Mum didn’t have cancer”, this is the big number one - and “I Wish we have a baby soon”, another big, very important Wish.

Being in the Space of “I Wish” made me think of the Serenity Prayer - “God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot Change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.” For me there are many things outside my control, some of the big things. And if my greatest ”I Wish” is about Family for me, I can continue to treat this as a Priority in my life.

And if I am finding my Spirit come alive and some excitement regarding matters of the Feminine, it does not mean that I have to get caught up in Consumerism, Materialism, Shopping - yet I can enjoy my trip to Paddington to buy makeup, I can buy and enjoy flicking through magazines, and I am really enjoying now that I am back again wearing more dresses, embracing my Feminine. And it doesn’t mean I have to spend a lot of money - I even enjoyed a look at St Vincent De Paul’s at Paddington and found a really nice designer blouse and also a dress - all for the total price of $18 - I was Excited. I don’t really care about the “designer” bit, although there was a Part of me quietly Proud as if I had bought it at full price - and the main Part of me loved the bargain. Mostly I always love the opportunity to be on a treasure hunt to see what surprises and delights me in second hand stores and I love the chance to Recycle and Reuse.

The “I Wish” related to the Feminine Part of me is loving colour and fabrics and fashion. My Spirit is highlighting that I could get back to sewing again - I remember with fond memories sewing clothes -back when I was about 16-20 years of age. I used to love sewing dresses and wearing them out. Perhaps a new hobby when the time is right. And I am also interested in expressing my creativity through photography - another hobby I once loved.

I am not going to say” I Wish I had more time”.   I know I have the power to manage my time so that I can focus on my Priorities and Values.

I just realised that if I stay in the “I Wish” Space for too long (more than a couple of minutes), I am almost sitting in powerlessness, almost waiting for someone to rescue me or make my dreams come true.

Instead if I use the “I Wish” Space as a window to when my Spirit comes alive and when I feel Inspired, I can decide if this is really my heart’s desire.  There is almost a childhood Innocence here -  I can ask my Innocence Part of me what I really want, and in the quietness listen to my inner voice.

For ages and always, since I have stopped Running over the last couple of years, whenever I see a runner, I always say to myself “I Wish I could run again”, and so today on my walk, I allowed my Self to enjoy a few minutes of Running, in between Walking, enough to make me feel the aliveness and Joy of Running. Wonderful!!!

From the “I Wish” Space I can also check to see what is underneath the “I Wish” and show Curiosity of how I can fulfil Needs for my Self, my Soul. As an example the “I Wish I was rich and I would go to day spas more often”, I know this for me is about yes being pampered, but most importantly just wanting time to relax and have “me time”.  And so this morning I made it a Priority to get up early and take a walk in nature, and this evening made time for a relaxing bath.

And so from the “I Wish” Space, which feels so distant and far away, I am able to move to a place of feeling Excited and Empowered.

Community

The other day I was with at my Parents' home and we were reminiscing about the days when I was a Runner.  I loved Running.  I was a part of a Running Club and I loved my Community.  I loved being part of this Community.  For a long time Running was a major part of my life - my week days and weekends were dedicated to training and competing.  And I loved it.  I do miss my Running and hope to get back to Running after we have a Family.  And I also love that now I have discovered new Parts of my Self.

I was showing My Man my photos from my Running and I also found a piece of writing from 26 January 2001 - 10 years ago.  Here is what I wrote:

"MISSION STATEMENT FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS

My wish is that all people will become actively involved in, and enjoy the benefits of, true Community.

Community is where a group of two or more people, regardless of differences, are able to accept and transcend these differences, enabling them to work effectively towards common Goals.  In a true Community, members support and encourage one another.  It is a place where there is freedom to be oneself, where ideas, opinions, sorrows, joys and Dreams are shared.

I am so fortunate to be part of the Western District Joggers & Harriers Club, which is more than just a Running Club... we are a Community... a Community that makes a difference to people's lives week in and week out.  The Running Club Community which originated in mid 1967 with only a few members now has over 200 Members.  Our Running Club meets every Saturday morning at Lake Gillawarna, Georges Hall at 7:30am.  We are a Family Blub which promotes Health and Fitness, with our Members enjoying the benefits and good feelings associated with being a part of a true Community.

My wish is that every individual becomes involved and joins a Community - such as a sporting group, a social club, a volunteer organisation, a church group, or a hobby group - any place where you can meet up with other people who may have the same interest (even if the interest is based on a desire to meet new people and enjoy new friendships).  I believe that the benefits for the individual and society of building communities are immeasurable.

My wish is that everyone can be proactive in building Communities within all their day to day relationships - within their Marriages, Families, work environments, social groups, sporting groups, suburbs, cities and countries.

As individuals we can build Communities by:

- Doing what is right;

- Being open and honest in all our interactions;

- Encouraging, celebrating and accepting our Uniqueness and different opinions, thoughts and ideas;

- Listening and being genuinely interested in others;

- Learning from one another's experiences;

- Always doing the best you can, in all you do;

- Being personally committed to continuous improvement;

- Treating others, as you would like to be treated.

God gave us the best Gift of all - the Gift of free will - the ability to choose.  Each day we make Choices.  We can choose how we want to spend our time, who we want to be, our Attitude and how we act and react.

My wish is that today, on Australia Day, 26 January 2001, all individuals make a choice to take personal responsibility and make a Commitment, to being the best they can be, and to build Communities within all their relationships.

It only takes small changes as individuals - but together we can make a big difference in building a better world.

I hope my wish comes true."

I loved reading what I wrote 10 years ago - feeling Inspired and seeing that my Values and Philosophy are still very similar.  And for the last 6 months I have consciously been aware of my feeling of a lack of Community in my life, or rather, the desire for me to regain a sense of Community in my life.  I am Grateful that I have a strong sense of Belonging with my Family and now with My Man, and yet there is a Part of me longing to again be a Member of a broader Community.  The Journey of being a Member came out when I was working with my Coach last year.  And I also know in my Heart, that some of my happiest times was when I was part of my Running Community - it is a time that brought me such great joy. 

And I am Excited that I have found a Community that I am growing to love.  I feel so at home when I go to Church on a Sunday - Kingsway Community http://www.kingsway.org.au/Welcome. There is so much Spirit within this gathering of friends.  I am made to feel so welcome and at the same time given Space so that I am not overwhelmed or rushed to give more than I can.  I have been going on and off for about 2 years and it was only recently that I started going there again more frequently after being away for about 5-6 months.  When I went back to Church I was overwhelmed with this feeling of being at home, overwhelmed with being somewhere so special, so emotional that I was moved to tears - happy tears. 

I love being in Connection each week with new people and I really love the messages each week from the Pastors.  What I love is that the Pastor is able to make the bible readings very relevant for today.  I also love that what the Pastors talk about is very much in line with my work in Coaching.  I love the Kingsway Community Churchs' Mission and Vision - Refuge for Healing, River for Refreshment, Resource for Unity.  Just the other week one of the Pastors was talking about all people being in touch with their Uniqueness  in the divine plan - I loved listening and felt so Inspired after being at Church - especially since this is an area I am so Passionate about in working with my Clients - helping Clients connect to their own sense of Uniqueness and Greatness.  I also loved when one of the Pastors talked about Community as "sharing the joy of Hope".

I loved being at Church on Sunday.  I was actually Excited to be going, as I know I always enjoy the feeling of being in this Community.  This week at Church the Pastors talked about this year being a year of "letting go".  He talked about the verse in the bible from Hebrews 12:1-2 (ESV)  "since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" and used the metaphor of an Olympic Runner who is trying to run with a whole crate of lead and how he will be slower versus someone who is free.  He gave examples of "Everything that hinders:
    * Unfulfilled and unrealistic expectations
    * Disappointments/hurts/offences
    * Fear and insecurities, self-esteem issues
    * Apathy/laziness
    * Busyness
    * Accumulation/material obsession/worldly goals
    * Self reliance
    * Isolation/individualism
    * Programs
    * Belief systems
    * Health/fitness issues – physical/emotional/spiritual
    * Facades/masks
    * Unhealthy relationships
    * Demarcation
    * Control/pride
    * My agenda
    * Judgemental criticism
    * Disobedience
    * Comfort
    * Bitterness/unforgiveness
    * “Rights”/title/position."
I loved how the Pastor talked about Mindsets, Beliefs and Attitudes that slow us down and trip us up, and the importance of Perseverence.  I just love that the language that is used at the Church is in line with my life and my Beliefs and my Coaching.  I just love these words in one of the Pastor's Blog "The exciting thing in all of this is the goal … which is greater FREEDOM. Imagine for a minute what it would be like to be totally free … free from ‘every weight’ that slows you down, hinders your relationships, distracts your purpose, hampers your development, obstructs your growth and holds you back from being the extraordinary person God wants you to be for Him and His kingdom … NOW. The more we can get rid of these burdens, weights and loads from our life, the better and more effective we will be …  and the more fun we will have together."

I feel very Inspired to become more involved in this Community.  Whenever I go to Church I feel Inspired to Volunteer and now I feel Inspired to offer up my Gift of Coaching.  I am not sure in what form I will be involved - I would be happy to offer some Workshops and Coaching and I am Excited that I spoke with one of the Team Leaders last Sunday and will meet her for a cuppa and see if I can be of Service.  I was also very interested to hear about the Youth Programme the Church is running and may be able to offer Coaching to one of the teenagers.  I was amazed to hear that of the Youth going to a Youth Group on a Friday night, only 20% are from Families who go to the Church, 80% of the Youth are coming on their own, perhaps connecting to a sense of Spirituality for the first time.

I am Excited to have found a Community that I love.

I am also very interested in joining in the Community of Coaches that is being led by the Vision of one of my friends from College.  We are meeting in a few weeks and I am looking forward to hearing more about the Vision and Mission of this Community.  My wish is that I can combine my interest in being involved in the Community of Coaches with my desire to be more involved in my local Community.

What I love about my Church Community is that they are Local and offer so many great Programs for the Local Community, and they are also very Conscious and Connected to the Global Community.  And I love the music, I love the music - it is a chance to rejoice and be Grateful.  Here are some of the songs from last Sunday that I loved singing
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MKAzYJcWSY
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UJtuyY8v1g (very Inspired by the words of this song)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79055I6o-NQ

When I was a Member of my Running Club, I loved seeing friends week in and week out, being caring and supporting each other, being of Service in the Community as Club Captain, and also being of Service for the greater good (as we raised money for different charities).  My wish for my Self is that I become a true Member of a Community again, and I feel I am taking steps in the right direction.

Perfect

Perfect - Defined as:
- conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
- excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
- exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose
- entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings
- accurate, exact, or correct in every detail:
- expert; accomplished; proficient.

When do we start trying to be Perfect?  Is it when we are young and start school and try to get everything right so that we get some gold stars and be "good"?  Is it when we are teenagers and start comparing ourselves to other people in our class, stars on television, models in the magazines?  Is it when we start working and there is the pressure to know all the answers and act like we are great at every part of our job (especially since we try so hard at the interview to impress and 'act' like we will be Perfect for the role)?  Is it when we become Wives and fall 'victim' to the 'Perfect HouseWife Syndrome'?

I am about to become a Wife again and a big Part of me wants to be the Perfect HouseWife.

I remember years ago - years and years ago - when I bought my first home with a boyfriend, a man I thought I was going to marry.  I loved our house.  And I was keen to make it a home.  I wanted it to be Perfect.  After a few months, my boyfriend broke up with me - he said I was like 'Betty Crocker' and he wasn't ready to settle down, he wanted to travel and party and stay young - he wasn't ready.

And then years later I got married and my ex-husband was happy for me to be his Wife.  And I wanted to be Perfect.  And I struggled to be Perfect.  As a couple we were far from Perfect.  And in my Self I was searching to be Perfect, to find the Perfect career to make me happy.  And I had a lot of stuff - I remember that one of our bedrooms of our three bedroom home, the study, was a mess, and I would always quickly shut the door if we had visitors.  I hated that I wasn't Perfect.  And then the imperfections became  very clear as our marriage started falling apart and I started falling apart.  And this was a long time ago.

And now I am getting married again - and I can't wait!!!  It feels very different this time.  Last time, I remember 6 weeks before the wedding and I was worried about sending out the wedding invitations and I spent a lot of time thinking and justifying in my mind why I should get married - while my Intuition, my 'gut' feel, was yelling out to me - and I didn't take notice.  Now I pay attention to my Intuition and I am so Grateful that now every part of me knows that my marriage to be will be wonderful - our relationship is wonderful.  What I love about being with My Man most is that I can be Me.  I also love that I do not have to be Perfect.  And I love that My Man is Perfect to me.  We are both imperfectly Perfect.  We accept all Parts of each other. Our love is Perfect.  How Perfect that I can be my ImPerfect Self and be loved by My Man.

As a Coach I am always on the look out for my Clients' Perfectionists, who may be stopping my Clients from moving forward in achieving their Dreams.  In working with my Clients I help them access other Parts of Self so that they can set and achieve their Goals.

And so I ask my Self - what is the role of the Perfectionist in our lives?  What is the role of the Perfectionist in my life?  I know from my Training and experience that there is a Gift to every Part within our Self.  As I Dream about being a Perfect Wife I wonder what is the message here for me?

Just today I have been thinking about what I want to achieve before we get married - apart from having a Perfect Wedding Day.  I have set my Self some Goals that are important to me: 

- Clean my Study (so much paperwork and clutter)

- Organise my Superannuation

- Clean and organise and de-clutter my garage (again). 

Perhaps the Gift of my Perfectionist is that this Part of me is reminding me of what needs to be done to clear clutter and Create Space in my home and in my mind.  And it is easy to be motivated to achieve these Goals as I know that I will feel very happy.  I always feel good after housework - I actually enjoy cleaning.  Now it is time to make more time for our home and my personal finances - it is time to get done what is important to me -  to treat these as Priorities in my life. 

It is my Mum and Dad's 43rd Wedding Anniversary today - which is beautiful.  I feel bad that I am not the Perfect Daughter as I have had such a busy week and day that I forgot that today was their special day - and now I am justifying and finding excuses.  And I am happy that my Mum and Dad had a lovely day out today - that is most important - and so it doesn't matter if I wasn't Perfect in my own eyes - what is most Perfect is that I love my Mum and Dad so much and they love me.

I love that I have such wonderful role models of marriage from my Mum and Dad.  And I do think that my Mum and Dad are both Perfect.  And My Man and I will be Perfect in our own way, in our unique way.

And as I think about my upcoming marriage I do believe that things will be different - I want things to be different.  I know that I will feel different.  We have lived together for a year now and yet I know for me marriage is different.  Some people say that when they get married it is no different from living together.  And yet I know it will be different, I want it to be different.  Getting married for me is a very BIG deal, especially after I have been previously married and it did not work.  I believe that I will feel different.  And I want the exterior to also be different - and so I want to do a BIG clean up before we get married.  It has been challenging moving 2 x 2 bedroom homes into 1 unit - and that is just an excuse.

I think that I have been so against being Perfect, that I have been too Relaxed.  And I have loved the Relaxed Part of me - it lets me relax on the lounge and watch my favourite shows after having a busy day at work.  And now it is time to bring the Organiser Part of me onto the Stage of my life and help me achieve my Goals before I get married - and I don't have to be Perfect.

I need to remind my Self - I don't have to be Perfect.

I don't want to be like the women in 'Stepford Wives' - I just want to be My Self.

Now that I am a Life Coach, working with Clients to create a life that they Love, I often challenge my Self - shouldn't I be Perfect and have every area of my life at a 10 out of 10?  Sometimes this is what I ask my Self - and then I remind my Self that I do not have to be Perfect - that, like my Clients, I am also on a Journey and I am learning and growing.  What I can promise my Self and my Coaching Clients is that I am committed to Self-Reflection, Self-Awareness and Self-Development.  With this promise and knowing I can be less Perfect and more accepting and more loving to my Self.