I Wish

The other day I went into Paddington to get some makeup for my wedding. As I do not wear makeup very often and like a very natural look, I have been looking for a makeup artist and the right makeup. And after meeting a lovely beautician on Thursday night, my journey took me into Paddington.

I am not a big shopper and yet when I arrived at Paddington, I heard the faint whisper of a Part of me that said “I Wish”... I was shocked - the voice said “I Wish I was rich...” In a second I thought about how I would go to the day spa all the time for facials and massages and “I Wish I was rich to go into all of the fancy clothing boutiques” and ”I Wish I had the confidence to go into the fancy boutiques”. And then in an instant I thought “I Wish I was more beautiful”,” I Wish I had perfect skin”, ” I Wish I had perfect features”, “ I Wish I had beautiful long hair”, “I Wish I looked all dressed up and fancy like the ladies passing by me”.

I was very curious about this Part of me...

Normally I sit in a place of Gratitude and Thankfulness for all I am and all I have. Very big in my Awareness is the fact that so many people live in poverty and struggle for their basic needs or even just people who are affected by sickness and disabiity. And yet here I was wishing for more.

And it is not that I can’t afford clothes in those boutiques - maybe one or two pieces (maybe a scarf) if I made it a Priority - yet it actually comes back to the larger Part of me that does not really like shopping. And yet I have noticed that there is this Part of me that is become louder and wants to wear nice things and wear makeup and look pretty. For a long time I did competitive Running, it was always about being faster - short hair, skinny, Running shoes, Running clothes, Running, training, competing - very Masculine and Yang. I even remember a boyfriend at the time who grew sick of my tracksuits and wished I wore more skirts - I still remember him saying that to me. And after I hurt my back I started wearing shapeup joggers to help my back, and they do make a difference - and yet now I want different. Now my Feminine Part of me, my Yin, is coming more alive, back alive - where I am finding myself wanting to buy magazines, wear pretty blouses, wanting to paint my nails - and even travelling to Paddington to get the right makeup that is right for me.

These thoughts in my head of “I Wish” only lasted about one or two minutes. I was then able to return to the Part of me that knows I am so fortunate. And then I also sat in a Space of what is really most important to me - what “I Wish” for the most - “I Wish my Mum didn’t have cancer”, this is the big number one - and “I Wish we have a baby soon”, another big, very important Wish.

Being in the Space of “I Wish” made me think of the Serenity Prayer - “God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot Change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.” For me there are many things outside my control, some of the big things. And if my greatest ”I Wish” is about Family for me, I can continue to treat this as a Priority in my life.

And if I am finding my Spirit come alive and some excitement regarding matters of the Feminine, it does not mean that I have to get caught up in Consumerism, Materialism, Shopping - yet I can enjoy my trip to Paddington to buy makeup, I can buy and enjoy flicking through magazines, and I am really enjoying now that I am back again wearing more dresses, embracing my Feminine. And it doesn’t mean I have to spend a lot of money - I even enjoyed a look at St Vincent De Paul’s at Paddington and found a really nice designer blouse and also a dress - all for the total price of $18 - I was Excited. I don’t really care about the “designer” bit, although there was a Part of me quietly Proud as if I had bought it at full price - and the main Part of me loved the bargain. Mostly I always love the opportunity to be on a treasure hunt to see what surprises and delights me in second hand stores and I love the chance to Recycle and Reuse.

The “I Wish” related to the Feminine Part of me is loving colour and fabrics and fashion. My Spirit is highlighting that I could get back to sewing again - I remember with fond memories sewing clothes -back when I was about 16-20 years of age. I used to love sewing dresses and wearing them out. Perhaps a new hobby when the time is right. And I am also interested in expressing my creativity through photography - another hobby I once loved.

I am not going to say” I Wish I had more time”.   I know I have the power to manage my time so that I can focus on my Priorities and Values.

I just realised that if I stay in the “I Wish” Space for too long (more than a couple of minutes), I am almost sitting in powerlessness, almost waiting for someone to rescue me or make my dreams come true.

Instead if I use the “I Wish” Space as a window to when my Spirit comes alive and when I feel Inspired, I can decide if this is really my heart’s desire.  There is almost a childhood Innocence here -  I can ask my Innocence Part of me what I really want, and in the quietness listen to my inner voice.

For ages and always, since I have stopped Running over the last couple of years, whenever I see a runner, I always say to myself “I Wish I could run again”, and so today on my walk, I allowed my Self to enjoy a few minutes of Running, in between Walking, enough to make me feel the aliveness and Joy of Running. Wonderful!!!

From the “I Wish” Space I can also check to see what is underneath the “I Wish” and show Curiosity of how I can fulfil Needs for my Self, my Soul. As an example the “I Wish I was rich and I would go to day spas more often”, I know this for me is about yes being pampered, but most importantly just wanting time to relax and have “me time”.  And so this morning I made it a Priority to get up early and take a walk in nature, and this evening made time for a relaxing bath.

And so from the “I Wish” Space, which feels so distant and far away, I am able to move to a place of feeling Excited and Empowered.

Holding The Paradox

There is so much that I am learning.  There is so much that I am wanting to apply in my own life and as areas to bring into the Consciousness of my Coaching Clients.  There is so much that I am naturally applying in my own life and I love the opportunity for Self-Reflection to see what is working and new opportunities for growth.

Often it is just the Awareness and the bringing into Consciousness that can create HUGE Shifts.  For me I have been Consciously bringing myself into a State of being Present (more often, most often), being more in Body, and less caught in my Thinking or Feelings.  Being in my Body is my resting place - and from here I am Guided by my Intuition.  When I am resting in my Body, being Present, I feel that I am in my Soul's Home, My Yellow Heart.  The image of My Yellow Heart always brings me back to this place.  When I find myself Overthinking or getting caught up in the Past or be in my Worrying Shadow - I bring in the image of My Yellow Heart, and I come back into being Present in the Now.  This Awareness and Consciousness is changing my life.

In this place of My Yellow Heart, I am able to experience and enjoy Holding The Paradox.   This is a new Concept for me, so simple and so Powerful.  I can hold the Dark AND the Light.  It is no longer about quickly shifting from the Dark to the Light, or just staying in the Dark, or there being just Dark OR Light.  When I am Holding The Paradox, it is not about 'but', it is about using the word 'AND' - using it from a genuine, felt sense, heartfelt place.  When I am Holding the Paradox, I am in Balance - there is one hand Holding the Dark and one hand Holding the Light.  In My Yellow Heart I am Grounded and I am filled with Spirit, I am in my Strength and Authentic Power and Truth.  I am not just saying the words I can have a strong sense and feeling of Holding The Paradox.

In my Life I feel comfortable Feeling into my Emotions, being Present to my Emotions.  By Being in my Body I can feel at a gut level what is real for me, not what I Think I am Feeling.  And as I sit in my Emotions, sometimes sadness or pain, I can also Hold the knowing that there is Light and Joy.

I am Holding The Paradox in many Areas of my Life right now.  Paradox defined -
" A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true: the paradox that standing is more tiring than walking."
- "An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid deduction from acceptable premises."

I can be in pain and sadness AND feel Happy and Grateful.  I can feel a sense of isolation and aloneness AND a strong sense of Love and Connection.  I can feel a sense of being stuck AND know I can take a step and start to move.

By Holding the Paradox, I do not feel distressed or weighed down or overwhelmed.  Especially when it comes to my loved one - right now I am Holding The Paradox of concern about my Parents and my Man who are all sick AND believing that they are getting the care and medical attention that is required and the Love and Light from me.  By Holding The Paradox I do not waste mental or emotional energy that does not serve me or serve the situation - instead, I can be fully Present to what is needed on a day to day, needs by needs basis.

I am Holding The Paradox that I am not earning as much money as my previous Management Career AND I can Trust and be Excited that I have found my Lifework as a Coach.  

I am Holding The Paradox that my work Monday-Wednesday does not make my heart sing and does not utilise all of my Strengths and Skills AND I am Grateful to work close to home and be busy in my job without a feeling of stress.

I am Holding The Paradox of there is so much still to learn and embrace AND I have learnt and grown so much.

I am Holding The Paradox of feeling less fit and not being able to run AND I can enjoy Walking and Yoga and a more relaxed pace of exercise.

I am Holding The Paradox of feeling I have so much to organise in my Home and garage and clutter to clear AND I am taking steps every day to create a Happy Home.

I am Holding The Paradox of day to day living with my Man and whatever that brings us in our day AND the Excitement of a deep and loving bond and wonderful times for our Future.

I am Holding The Paradox of being tired AND energised with all of my Dreams that I want to fit more into my day.

By Holding The Paradox I am Holding and Acknowledging the realness and the Truth AND I am also Holding a Light, Holding and Acknowledging being Grateful, holding Hope, holding my Dreams.

I can be Present to both Light AND Dark.  I can Hold both Light AND Dark.

In this Space of Holding both, I am neither Light or Dark.  I am at Peace.  In My Yellow Heart I am Love and Light.  And from this Space, I can draw in my Sage, my Wise Self.  My Sage is my Resource, infused with energy of God and Spirit, filled with rays of energy, helping me for my Highest  Good.  My Sage is Present when I am Acting, Speaking and Being in Wisdom.  While I am Still when I am Holding The Paradox, my Sage can help guide me towards my Next Steps.

And in my Purpose to Spread The Yellow, I am Holding The Paradox of:

- I am only one AND still I am one
- I cannot do everything AND still I can do something.

I am Holding The Paradox of wanting to rush out and get busy with Action and 'To Do' Lists AND  allowing space, living in the flow and trusting the Universe to show me the way.  I am asking God to show me the way and show me how I can live my Purpose to Spread The Yellow each and every day in the big and small ways.  By Holding The Paradox, this allows me more mental and emotional energy, more freedom, to be in the right Space to Love and Serve others.

And now it is time for me to wash up - one of the simple ways I can Spread The Yellow in my Home (since my Man hates washing up).  And then time for bed - Self-Care.

Being With My Emotions

After being at College all weekend with so much to learn, I have definitely been feeling a sense of overwhelm, so many Activities and Processes to learn so that they can aid us in working with our Coaching Clients.  

I was happy to complete all of the Activities that applied to my Physical Environment, and then in completing the Activities, this automatically led to new Awareness and then comes the work - more work.  And yet I also have a knowing that I do not need to put pressure on myself.  I can feel into my Intuition and I have a sense of the Areas in my life that need my attention.  I also have a sense that I want to exercise Exceptional Self-Care and focus on the basics - eating well, sleeping, relaxing.  

When looking at my Wheel Of Life, I rated my Health at a very low 2, and I am now taking Steps each day to help me in this Area in my life.  In particular, I am loving Yoga - very much loving Yoga - I am so Excited that I have finally started a regular class - it is wonderful - I am feeling less pain in my neck and back and definitely stronger in my body. 

I have also been enjoying Walking in Nature - I love getting out in the morning before I go to work.  I love walking in Gunnamatta Park - just being in the stillness.  I enjoy the time in Solitude.

Day 2 of our Course looked at our Emotional Level of Living and we talked about Needs.  For me time in Nature and Solitude are very important to me.  As explained by my Teacher, when our Needs are met, we are at our best.  For me, Walking in Nature is a positive way to start my day.  I love when I see Kookaburras - I love Birds and these are my favourite - bringing back childhood memories of holidays with my Family - and I just love the laughter of the Kookaburras.  I also love the Trees in the Park. 

I do miss my Running and yet it has definitely given rise to my new love of Walking in Nature and has renewed my love of Nature.  I remember at College a few months ago we talked about the new label of Nature Deficit Disorder - I use Google and look this up "a term coined by Richard Louv in his 2005 book 'Last Child in the Woods', refers to the alleged trend that children are spending less time outdoors, resulting in a wide range of behavioural problems" - interesting.  I remember at College we joked that a pill would probably be prescribed for this disorder.  Spending time in Nature in Solitude, and also Walking with my Man, is so important to me, and it will definitely be a Priority when we raise children.

On my morning walks I have been collecting rocks for my own Medicine Wheel.  On the weekend we created a Medicine Wheel and it was so beautiful and had so much meaning.  It has Inspired me to create my own Medicine Wheel.  I have collected 4 rocks for the main stones of North, South, East and West and I have 56 smaller rocks to collect - I am in no rush - I am just trusting the Gifts of Nature, as to what feels right for me to collect.  I am looking forward to displaying my Medicine Wheel in my Coaching Space from these rocks that I am collecting - especially with a knowing that they carry the energy of my favourite places in Nature.

As I refer back to my notes I see that one of the objectives of our learnings is to be able to connect in more fully with our emotional world.  Last night I experienced this first hand, Being With My Emotions.  I was contacted by someone from my past and it brought up a whole world of Emotions.  It took me back to a time seven years ago - a time that was filled with sadness and stress.  And as I sat in these Emotions, not being scared or overpowered by them, so many memories were triggered for me.  My Man was lovely and asked me what he could do to help me feel better, asking if I wanted to watch one of our favourite shows.  I just cried and said that Being With My Emotions was what I needed to do, rather than trying to move away from them.  And so I cried.  And I sat in Meditation, witnessing memory by memory, sad memories by sad memories, coming up for me.  It was like watching a movie of my life - seeing all of these scenes from times that I had been rejected.  And I just sat in the pain of the rejection.  The pressure on my neck was intense, as if the wounds of these unhealed Emotions were buried in my body.  And I just kept crying.  I went to bed early, crying, with my Man lying close by and giving me the Space to just be.  

I have been very conscious of wanting to heal any unresolved emotions, where I have a feeling that my back and neck pain stem from my past and from not processing my Emotions.  The other day I experienced the opportunity to deal with some unresolved anger through listening to a Louise Hay Meditation.  This Meditation was a good chance for me to look at unresolved feelings.  I initiated this Process and I actually thought that the Process helped.  Obviously the Universe and Spirit and God knew that I was strong enough to uncover another layer, where I needed to sit in the Pain of my past and just allow myself this chance of Being With My Emotions.  And now one day later, there is no longer the Emotional charge associated with these memories.  

I am learning that it is so important to be real and be with Emotions - that this is the path of healing.  It makes sense.  I look back on an old relationship break up, a long time ago now, 10 years ago, and I remembered being so upset.  I remember crying and crying and expressing my upset, crying while I cooked dinner, crying with Friends and Family.  And I remember being expressing my anger and heartbreak.  And then the crying stopped and day by day my heart began to heal.  And there was no longer an Emotional charge - I had allowed the time to Process my Emotions.

As I end my Blog tonight I would like to include a quote that was emailed to me this morning - this quote makes so much sense for me -
"Other people’s opinion of you will only affect you when you don’t have a concrete opinion of yourself.” – Amir Zoghi –

"Be more concerned about what you think of yourself Kathryn, rather than being so concerned about the opinion of others. An opinion of another individual is only determined by the opinion that they have of their self, so it cannot be a true opinion of you anyway. Just like your opinion of others is really an opinion about yourself.  The UNIVERSE"

Last night when I was crying, it brought up so many Emotions, and I did start to compare where I am at in my life versus Friends from the past - and then I remembered that none of this matters.  I am happy to be me - my life is a Gift.

My Yellow Heart

I am blessed that I now have such a strong sense of my Soul's Home - My Yellow Heart.  

For me the image of my Yellow Heart is my Touchstone to the way of being where I am totally Present.  In this place I am Love, I am Light, I am Acceptance, I am Warmth.  In this place I am Relaxed, I am at Peace.  In this place I can hear the whispers of my Soul, my Yellow Heart is the home of my Soul.  

In this place I have Connection with my Wise Self - a Part of me that guides me on my Soul path.  Today I enjoyed a Meditation listening to my new CD 'Pure Sounds Gyuto Monks of Tibet' (which is wonderful) and I felt my Self sitting in my Soul's Home of My Yellow Heart and being in Communication with my Wise Self (who was sitting opposite me).  This was a wonderful experience.  This is my image of my Wise Self.

As I sit in my Soul's Home of My Yellow Heart in my Meditation I also have a sense and the image of my Guardian Angel holding my right hand.  My Guardian Angel whispers "I am here, you are not alone."  My Guardian Image is beautiful - her dress is made of crystal and gold.  This is a beautiful experience.  I also have a sense of another Angel holding my left hair - she is dressed in purple.  My Angels explain that they are here to help guide me, and that by allowing this Space in my life, I can be in touch with my Intuition.

As I am in Meditation I feel my Self sitting in my Soul's Home and I feel so Peaceful - I want to stay in this place, I want to stay in this place forever.  And then came the realisation that I can stay in this place - I can always sit in My Yellow Heart and be Love and Light and Peace and Acceptance.  In my Soul's Home I feel that I am sitting in a circle, my Guardian Angel to my right, another Angel to my left and my Wise Self opposite me - and there are Others from the Universe also Present to support me.  In my day to day, I can take this Awareness with me, feeling the Love and Light of the Universe.

Recently in a Coaching Session I discovered my Soul's Home is this place of being "Present and Warm to What Is".  By Consciously choosing to be in my Soul's Home I feel more at Peace.  At work I am just being  "Present and Warm to What Is", and so rather than overthinking about my Monday-Wednesday, I am able to be Present and focus on my work.  In this way, I am not wasting energy thinking about anything other than being at work - and as I focus on my work I am able to exceed my Targets and I feel a sense of Achievement.  In my relationship with my Man, I am also practicing being Present.  And in this place I can express my truth and all of my feelings. 

When I am with my Clients I feel myself in My Yellow Heart, listening with my Heart, totally Present.  In My Yellow Heart I sit in Honour of my Clients, in Honour of their Courage.  I am Honoured that they are sharing their Journey with me.  In My Yellow Heart I am Love, I am Light, I am Acceptance, I am "Present and Warm to What Is", I am Peace.  As I sit in My Yellow Heart I hold a Sacred Space for others.  In my Yellow Heart I allow Space.  Space for me offers the opportunity to Pause.  Rather than rushing in and speaking, I allow Attentive Silence for my Clients.  I also allow the Space for my Intuition, to hear Spirit.  And then I can respond to my Clients. 

Space in my own life allows me to gain insights for my own life.  Having Space is very important to me.  Space allows me to tune into my sense of achieving Balance within my Self and my Life. 

When I am Home in My Yellow Heart, I have a strong sense of Self-Love and Confidence.  I remember who I am, my Soul Journey and my Soul Purpose.  I am True to me.  And as I move into the Future and looking at my Ideal Scene in 5 years I want to be having this same internal experience - where I can be in the daily living of being in My Yellow Heart, my Soul's Home, the Light, Love and Peace within me - that is me.  When I am Home in My Yellow Heart I allow the Space to be in Connection with Spirit.  I have a knowing that I can draw on all of the Strengths and Resources within me, including my Wise Self and other Archetypes. By being "Present and Warm to What Is" I feel that I can always carry this with me - no matter where my Life leads I can be in My Yellow Heart.

From My Yellow Heart I can Spread The Yellow.  From a Natural, Heart-Felt, Genuine, Place of Love, I can Share, Moment to Moment, my Love, Warmth, Connection, Presence, Genuine Interest and Curiosity, My Interest In What You Have To Say, My Interest In Your Journey, My Care.  I can Communicate  I SEE YOU, YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO ME.  I can Share JOY, Happiness, Positivity, Energy, Excitement, Enthusiasm, Eye Contact, Just Being With Another, A Smile, A Moment, A Kind Word, Words From My Heart, A Hug, An Encouragement, An Acknowledgement, Gratitude, Appreciation, Gift Of Words, Gift Of Thoughtfulness, AWARENESS, Opportunities, Possibilities, the Right To Choice, the Right To Choose, An Offering, An Invitation.  From My Yellow Heart I can Make A Difference, I can Make This Moment Count!!!

I have a sense of a Butterfly landing in my Soul's Home, an image of Transformation.  The Butterfly gently reminds me that Life is a Journey and that change is a part of Life.  The Butterfly reminds me to Honour the Journey of Others.  The Butterfly reminds me to Honour my own Journey.

For me my Business Card helps highlight my way of Being and Doing that feels right for me.  My Yellow Heart is at the Centre and this Inspires Emotion and Action through my Yin and Yang, the Parts of me that act from a place of Love.  There is Balance, there is Space, there is Light.  And as I Honour My Yellow Heart, I will SHINE.

I feel so Grateful to recognise the Yellow in my own Life.  As I sit within My Yellow Heart I can be real with every emotion and I can also have an Attitude of Gratitude.  I am very Grateful to my Man who surprised me yesterday with a beautiful card and words and a thoughtful present, that is very me.  My Man is continually bringing Yellow to my life, always buying me Yellow flowers and recently he bought me a Yellow shower curtain.  I am so happy that I see my Man in my Future, he is in my Ideal Life.  I am blessed to be so Loved by my Man and feel such Love for him.  And in My Yellow Heart I have Love and Care for my Self.

The Organiser In Me

As part of my Preparation for my College Course of 'Life Quality and Design' I have been working through the Structured Processes of: The Ideal Scene, Wheel Of Life, Energy Leaks Inventory, Procrastinations Task Completion Sheet - and now time to look at Adrenaline.   

Reading about Adrenaline from an excerpt from 'Take Time For Your Life' by Cheryl Richardson is helpful.  "Various types of fuel give us energy needed to take action.  Some fuels are better than others.  For example, energy that comes from exercise, nutritious food, and the love and support of great people fuels you and supports your long-term health in a positive way.  Other energy sources such as adrenaline, caffeine, sugar, and anxiety may fuel you in intense bursts but ultimately put your health at risk." 

"Adrenaline is produced by the adrenal gland which regulates the body's fight-or-flight response to stimulating experiences.  These experiences can be positive and negative.  When you're late for an appointment and you hit a traffic jam, the rush of anxiety you feel sitting in the car is adrenaline.  When the deal you've been working on finally comes through, the excitement you feel also comes from adrenaline.  Adrenaline isn't bad, but when we develop habits like constantly running late or juggling too many projects at once, it gets us into trouble."

I take the Adrenaline test to see if this is fuelling me, by answering the following questions:

- Do you constantly overcommit yourself personally and professionally?  NO
- Do you double-book social engagements?  NO

- Are you usually late for appointments?  NO more than YES (I have been Consciously working on this to Honour others by Honouring appointments)

- Do you repeatedly check your voicemail or email throughout the day? Voicemail NO Email YES

- Is your schedule so full that there's no time left for you?  NO

- Do you feel lost without your beeper, cell phone, or laptop?  NO (Not anymore)

- Do you put things off to the last minute or use tight deadlines to get things done?  NO

- Do you find yourself in frequent conflicts with others?  NO

- Do you usually speed when driving?  NO

- Does it seem like your car's fuel gauge is always on or near empty?  YES

- Do you hate to stop and ask for or read directions?  NO

- Do you live on the edge financially?  NO

- Do you always feel pressed for time?  NO

- Do you put off making decisions or taking action in spite of the anxiety it causes?  NO

- Does the thought of being bored make you nervous and uncomfortable?  NO

- If the phone rings as you're heading out the door, do you answer it anyway?  NO
- Do you wake in the middle of the night with your thoughts racing, unable to sleep?  NO

- Do you juggle several projects at once?  NO
- Are you constantly coming up with new ideas to pursue? NO

- Do you often forget to follow through on commitments?  NO

I read that if I answered 'YES' to five or more questions, this would mean that I am running on adrenaline.  "These behaviours generate the constant hum of anxiety, and this anxiety pumps adrenaline into your body."

It comes as no surprise to me that I am not running on adrenaline - and I am still glad to review the questions.  It is a helpful guide for me and my Coaching Clients.  Since I was made redundant in February 2010, I have Consciously made Choices to allow Space in my life.  As a result I feel a lot more relaxed and peaceful.

This is the second time that I have read these notes, and an area that does resonate with me, and has triggered new Awareness and Behaviour is - "Start arriving fifteen minutes early for every appointment you make.  This one action can have a dramatic impact on the adrenaline cycle... you're able to arrive early and relax beforehand.  Give yourself room to breathe."  This is the only time when I feel that rush of anxiety, when I am rushing for appointments.  And I am now Conscious of Honouring the time of others by making sure that I am on time for appointments.  And I am also planning to bring into habit the practice of being fifteen minutes early for appointments.    

Apart from my rush to appointments, I do feel relaxed.  And while I have allowed the Space and have been enjoying more Space, I now feel that it is time to bring in more of the Yang Organised and Planned Part of me.  I feel I have some big Goals and I need to be doing more.  This is not to suggest that I want to be running on adrenaline - this Activity has helped highlight to me what I do not want to change.  It also highlights to me how much I have changed over the years - I remember the time when I couldn't get to sleep since I had so many thoughts racing through my head and when I used to have so many Commitments that I was so stressed and anxious.  Hmm... I am definitely enjoying being in a more relaxed and peaceful state.

As I have been studying and learning about Archetypes I am now trying to get to know The Organiser In Me.  I am wanting to create order, take full responsibility and be a leader of my life and enjoy Success of my Goals.  

I read that the Role of the Ruler/ Organiser is "to blend the other Sub-Personalities into a continuous expression.  The Ruler/ Organiser makes the decisions to leave something and start a new (enacted by the Destroyer and the Creator).  The Organiser decides who will do what in order to ensure the completion of the Goal in a timely manner."

I really want to embrace The Organiser In Me.  I have a sense that if I make better use of my diary and make lists and try to take Steps every day towards my Goals, then this will serve me well.  I know that I need to bring in more of my Yang and yet I do not want to be too Planned or Ordered or Controlled or take up all of the Space with a tight schedule.  I still want to allow my Intuitive Yin to guide me.  

I am wanting The Organiser In Me to help me with my Business, and also to continue being more Organised at home.  I also want The Organiser In Me to make sure I am making time for Meditation, Yoga, Walking, eating right - so that I am getting the best kind of energy that will support my health in a positive way.

I enjoy reading in 'The Dark Side Of The Light Chasers' by Debbie Ford "There is nothing wrong with faith.  There is nothing wrong with affirmations.  But at some point you must take the Next Step.  Make a Commitment to have what you want in life and then make a plan to get it.  It's there waiting for you but most likely it won't fall into your lap.  If you want to know whether you're serious about changing something in your life, ask yourself if you have a plan of ACTION.  If the answer is no, go back and see if you're really committed to achieving your Goal.  A plan of ACTION ought to be written down on paper.  If it's only in your mind it may be more of a Dream than a plan.  Plans in our minds tend to get lost or forgotten, or pushed aside by everyday life.  Tell yourself you'll have more of a chance of achieving your Goal if you have it written down and keep it at hand."

It is time for The Organiser In Me to get my Creator Archetype and Sage Archetype together and start writing down my ACTION Plans.

Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude

One of my favourite childhood movies is 'Pollyanna'.  I love this movie and I was excited to recently buy the DVD and watch it on Sunday. 

I love that Pollyanna, the star child of the movie, transforms the Community through being in Connection  one by one, where she is Positive and Bright and Happy.  We learn of 'The Glad Game' - where Pollyanna finds something to be glad about in every situation.  Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude has a HUGE impact on the entire Community.  

For the last two years while I have been studying my Coaching, the Course has offered the opportunity for Self-Reflection and Awareness, which I love.  In the last few months, after studying my Yin and Yang, I have discovered a strong sense of Self-Love and Self-Confidence - and then in the last two weeks I have been in some doubt about my own Positive Attitude.  I have a knowing that feeling Happy, Bright, Sunny, Enthusiastic, Joyful, Excited, Grateful, Optimistic comes naturally for me.  And I have been in Self-Reflection that there is the potential in me to move away from the black or grey and paint in Yellow and I have been learning to just be "Present and Warm to What Is".  

And yet I now realise that I can sit with the paradox.  I can Be Present and in touch with what is real in terms of my feelings and felt sense, and I can also have a Positive Attitude, embrace my own Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude and be Grateful for the blessings in my life.  This feels right for me.

Another favourite childhood movie of mine, and still a movie that I love, is 'Anne of Green Gables'.  I also loved the young girl in this movie - she is very bright and talkative and I love that she is so real and says how she feels and what is on her mind - she is very Honest and upfront with what is real for her in the moment.

As I reflect on these two favourite movies of mine and the qualities of Anne and Pollyanna, I feel I can embrace the realness of Anne and also Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude.  

I have a real knowing that my own Optimistic Attitude is a Gift.  When I was seven, I met my Friend Julie who has a disability that makes walking difficult for her and means that she has spent most of her life in a wheelchair.  Julie is an Amazing woman, she is very Bright and Happy and I love that we are still Friends.  Growing up with Julie has made me appreciate that I can walk and run and makes me realise how lucky I am.  My Mum and Dad are also naturally Positive, Bright, Upbeat people and so it has also been easy for me to embrace this Attitude.  

One of my favourite passages is -

"The Optimist Creed
Promise yourself ...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble."
Written by Christian D. Larson in 1912

Over the years my Optimism and Positive Attitude have served me well in my life, my relationships, my work. And yet I do not want to risk, painting a situation Yellow without tuning into what is real for me or others.  My Self-Work is teaching me that it is so important to Honour and Be Present to What Is.  My Unit block where I live is called 'Green Gables' - this can serve as a reminder to me to be real and Honour  and sit with my Truth - rather than just letting Optimism and Positive Attitude come in too quickly.

I can hold the Paradox in my hands.  As an example that is real for me right now - I can be honest and real and know that right now when I am working Monday-Wednesday I do not feel aliveness or that I am working in the field of my lifework and I can sit with those feelings.  And rather than just quickly disregarding these feelings I can continue to sit with this Awareness and see where this leads.  And in the meantime, I can  also Choose to Be Positive at work and give my best.  I can be Grateful that I work close to home and work with nice people.  I can also be Happy that with my casual work I have no stress or pressure and this means that I can have more energy to direct towards building my Business.  I am not disregarding my real feelings by colouring them with Yellow, instead I am  holding the Realness and Honesty of Anne of Green Gables in one hand and also holding Pollyanna's Optimistic Attitude in the other hand, so that I am still motivated at work and enjoy a happy day.

Yes I Did It!!!

Yes I Did It!!! Yoga!!!  Finally!!!  I have been wanting to go to Yoga for years and today was my first Step.

I had been recommended to this Yoga Teacher from my Chiro and yet it was a Thursday night class a few suburbs away.  And yet I felt Excited when I was on my way and I felt so Present in the Class with so much Trust in the Teacher.  Yes I Did It and Yes I Loved It!!!  I felt my body stretching and I loved that feeling and I can't wait to go again next week.  I am in a Beginners' Class which is excellent as the Teacher is going through all the basics and making sure we are doing each move in the right way.  I now wish that I had have started years ago and I am Grateful that I have started this Journey.

After writing my Ideal Scene for 5 years from now - I looked at my Wheel Of Life and I was surprised to see that my level of Satisfaction is low in many Areas.  Very surprised!!

One of my main Areas I want to focus on right now is my Health, I have rated it at a 2.  And after receiving clear results from an X-Ray on my neck and back, and after going to Yoga tonight, I already feel that I am moving up the Scale.

With today being 1 July 2010 - I am very Conscious that we have experienced 6 months of this year and there is 6 months to go - and I want to make every day Count.  Rather than having a Step by Step Plan, my Intention is to follow my Intution to take Next Steps that will naturally move me towards 10 out of 10 in each Area.

This has been a perfect ending to a positive day for me.  I am Grateful to be working with a brilliant Coach where I am learning so much about my Soul's Journey.  I have a sense that my Health is being affected by taking on emotions and worries, absorbing them in my Body.  I am also Conscious that rather than automatically going into Positivity or Gratitude, I may also need to Honour my Feelings.  My Coach talks about being at my Soul's Home and the words "Being Present and Warm with What Is" resonate with me. 

When I get home I enjoy Art Therapy to capture the Awareness and I enjoy time in Meditation where I work with my Sage, the Wise Part of me to look back on my Past where I may still be carrying layers and layers of pain.

I make a Commitment to myself to tune into my Feelings, my Body's Felt Sense.  I find a great website talking about Honouring Feelings -
http://www.evancarmichael.com/Work-Life/1870/How-do-you-honor-your-feelings.html

"Why do you think it is important to know what you are feeling? Do you take notice of what your body is trying to tell you or do you bypass your emotions, allowing your head to rule the day? Do you think other people's feelings are more important than your own?

It is important to know what you are feeling as feelings are the best personal response! Your feelings are like a compass, directing you through your life, so it is important to listen to what they have to say, as they can guide you into making the right choices. Your inner wisdom is brilliant - yet most of us ignore it by denying our gut feelings and initial reactions. However, to do this can cause you harm as it can lead you to befriend the wrong people, pursue inappropriate career paths and be in relationships with the wrong person. How many times have you said to yourself 'I knew I shouldn't have done that'?  So trusting and honoring your feelings is vital to achieving your best life ever!

Learn to trust that your feelings are there for a reason. Do you get an uncomfortable feeling every time you go to a certain event or meet a certain person? This could be your feelings telling you to Beware! Is your body exhausted or stressed - this may be your body telling you to slow down a little and take care of your health. You may also find that if you choose to ignore these feelings, they often get stronger and stronger and will not just go away! Often your feelings will escalate until you listen to them and pay attention to them. For example, if you ignore the fact that you are tired and exhausted, you may end up having a virus or a cold.

However, the choices you make as a result of honoring your feelings will bring you contentment, acknowledgment that you are on the right path and joy and fulfillment.

So, how do you honor your feelings?

Try the following steps:
1) When you feel something in your body, give it a name and identify exactly what you are feeling.  At least twice a day, ask yourself, What am I feeling?  Write your feelings down. Start each day by writing 'I feel..' and then keep on going

2) Try to understand what your feelings are trying to tell you - Are your feelings telling you you're anxious? Happy? Overwhelmed? If so, try and work out why! Are you working too hard? Are you about to do something which is not in integrity? Are you about to do something which is not appropriate to your life plan? Are you feeling anxious because you are about to try something new?
 

3) Affirm and validate your feelings - We are very good at invalidating our own feelings! We consider them to be unimportant, stupid or unacceptable. Many of us have even learned that it is unsafe to honor our own feelings. Try to listen and honor the way you feel - your feelings count! Try the following affirmation to assist you in validating your feelings:
* All of my feelings are acceptable
* I honor and respect my feelings
* I choose to have compassion for myself

In conclusion, your feelings are often the voice of your biggest desires which are waiting to be heard. They have so much to teach you and will always give you clues to your inner wisdom and the right path to follow. Growing into the wonderful people we are meant to be requires honoring our feelings!"

I love reading these wise words which are in line with the work that I am doing with my Coach.  I am Inspired with the words "Being Present and Warm with What Is", especially since tomorrow is my day of being the Coach, and I am really looking forward to holding this Sacred Space for my Clients.

Big News

Today I am thankful that my Yang part of me was in full ACTION, getting my "to do" list done.  I was up and ready to go at 9am and it felt wonderful to become more Organised.  I was especially happy to spend some time on my bills, records and budget.

I was also glad to be at home and have the Space in my day to watch History, with Australia's First Female Prime Minister sworn in by the Governor General.  This is Big News.  This is Big News after 26 Male Prime Ministers and after 108 years.  Regardless of the Politics and my Beliefs and the potential greatness for Australia, I have so much empathy for Kevin Rudd.  As I watched his speech, I was moved by his words and his emotions.  I was moved by his love and acknowledgement of his Wife and Children.  I also loved that he named everything of which he is Proud.  It is true that he can be Proud of taking the step to apologise to Aboriginal Communities and also helping Australia escape the Global Financial Crisis.  He spoke well and I loved when he said  "I have given my absolute best, I have given my absolute all."  

I also have so much admiration for Kevin Rudd as he chose to attend Question Time and showed so much Strength in Character.  This had an impact on me, rather than feeling into rejection or going into a Shadow of the Orphan, Kevin Rudd was Grounded in his Strength, staying true to his Party and the Country - advising that he would continue to be available to serve - WOW!  I loved that this was acknowledged by Julia Gillard.  I also loved that Julia Gillard, Wayne Swan and Tony Abbott acknowledged Kevin Rudd's work and how difficult a time it would be for him and his Family.  

My reaction to today's Events shows the Feminine Yin in me, where I am in tune with my Feelings and Emotions.  It is then good to talk to my Man who is the Thinker and so we have a good discussion and express our Feelings and Thoughts - Yin and Yang.

Today I watched the News over and over, which is a change for me.  For a long time now I have chosen not to watch the News, at least not on a regular basis.  And yet with my Commitment to be more Actively Involved I am choosing to become more aware on Local, National and Global Levels.  I am choosing to check in with the News on a daily basis, even if it is a quick look online.  As I am very sensitive, I have a sense that I can visualise a bubble around me, to stop myself from becoming too emotionally involved or distressed, especially with so much sadness and negativity that dominates the news.  And yet there is also the opportunity for me to gain increased Awareness which may lead me to take ACTION.   

Like today, every day there is Big News - events and situations happening around the world where people, Families, lives are being affected.  I want to protect myself, and yet I do not want to be de-sensitised  or unaffected by Local and World News.  By reading every News Article or watching the News on television and treating every story as Big News, this allows me to be interested and totally open.   Rather than becoming emotionally charged with every article or spending time and energy talking about the News and getting too caught in the Story, I can extend my love and light and I can also make Choices as to the areas where I may be able to get involved to Make A Difference and Spread The Yellow.

While I have empathy for Kevin Rudd, I have also been impressed with the words of Julia Gillard.  I especially liked these words -

"I will dedicate my abilities to what I believe in.
A nation where hard work is rewarded and where the dignity of work is respected.
A nation that prides itself on the excellence of its education system.
Where Government can be relied upon to provide high quality services for all Australians.
An Australia that can achieve even greater things in the future.  We should not be afraid of the future.
A strong Australia respected as a global force for progress, for peace and for tolerance.
A bright democracy for the world to admire.
And a sanctuary for all of our people.
Can I say to the Australian people there will be some days I delight you; there may be some days I disappoint you.  On every day, I will be working my absolute hardest for you. "

These words are Inspirational.  And it is Inspiring to hear that there are already 23 Female World Leaders.  It is encouraging to hear all of the young woman being so Inspired after today's Big News. Mr Gillard described his daughter as a "unique, hard working, passionate, driven'' person who only "wants to do good things for the country".

I love when Julia Gillard talks about the paradox - that people can have empathy for Kevin Rudd and also see the Strength and Commitment of Julia Gillard.  I am Excited to be choosing to bring my Yang onboard to learn more about the Government Policies and more about the Big News, so that I have increased Awareness, and a greater capacity to make Conscious Choices, and also be open to be moved to ACTION.

Power Of Coaching

Today I experienced the Power Of Coaching.  Today I met with my Coach and it felt great to come into a new Awareness, which presents the opportunity for Transformation.

When I get home from my Appointment I feel very tired.  There was a small temptation to turn to a magazine or the television or the phone - and yet I really want to sit with myself and my learning from my Coaching Session.  I enjoy a Meditation and I have an image of all my Archetypes, the parts within me, all in Connection to each other, with hands on each others' shoulders - my Archetypes there for me and there for each other.  I have a sense of all these Strengths and Resources within me.  I look on Google images tonight and I cannot find the image that I am looking for, that would capture the image from my Meditation - and yet I find other images that also speak to me.

I enjoy time in Art Therapy to capture my learnings from my Coaching Session.  I love getting out my crayons and textas and pencils and paper - there is no pressure here of me trying to be an artist or get something perfect.

Through the Power Of Coaching and me describing a Story from my life, my Coach was able to establish a Framework of the Upper World and then the Sub-Conscious and then the Unconscious.  With Awareness I am able to make Choices to take the doorway and look at what is happening in my Sub-Conscious, the Fairytale in my life and then I can turn the key to open up to the Unconscious and the opportunities for Transformation.  Hmm...  it is interesting and life changing.

Through the Power Of Coaching, my Coach is able to offer a Reflection and a Sharing that helps me understand me and my different styles of Communication.  It is interesting, rather than being in a place of Yang or trying to work out how I can be better in Communication, the Power Of Coaching has offered an incredible opportunity for new Awareness.  My Coach offers that I can be in one energy when I am  in Connection with her and then I can go into my Yin, where I am purely in the Story and the description and the Emotion and move into my own world - and at these times I move out of Connection with her.  I have a sense of when this has happened in my life, this rings true for me.  And I feel in these times I am in my Innocence, my Red Riding Hood, and this is when there is the potential for the Wolf in me and the Wolf in others to come onto the stage of my life.  For me there is the opportunity to bring my Yin and Yang back into Balance rather than my Yin taking up all the Space.

I am Delighted to have a sense that I am mostly operating my life from a place that is Centred and Grounded.  The Power of Coaching revealed for me that there are almost two distinct levels of being - where I can be just walking in the world in one Archetype or I can be Present and in Communion with all my Archetypes.  I have seen so many examples from my own Journey where I am just operating from a place of one Archetype - such as Innocence or Lover or Warrior or Organiser and when I am in just one Archetype there are the Shadows of the Perfectionist and the Critic, and it is a world of black and white, light and dark.  In this place of one Archetype I make mistakes, and often I am not open to my own mistakes or the mistakes of others.  And yet I feel when I am Centred and Grounded I can draw on the different Archetypes to help me in my Communication and allow Connection with myself and with others.  Wow, I am starting to really understand the Power of this work, and it is wonderful to be sitting in the shoes of a Client to once again experience the Power Of Coaching.

I also love my Coach's Metaphor of life like a Building and that there is a lift so that when there are triggers and I look back on times in my life, there is the opportunity to take my Resources of my different Archetypes with me to support me and Transform the past.  I love this idea and believe that my Coaching Space will offer this opportunity.

It has been a big day of sitting in my own Awareness today.  I am tired and Excited by the possibilities where I feel I have a greater sense of areas for my own Transformation.  I love that my Teacher is offering us the opportunity to do our own Self-Reflection and our own work for Transformation so that as we walk with Clients on their Journey, we are also being true to our own Journey.

As I am learning more about Archetypes I am also being an Observer to them in my own life and I feel the Power of my Sage Archetype - "The Sage is quiet and stable and holds the quality of knowingness.  A good Sub-Personality to draw on when feeling stressed and caught up in the flow of life.  Hold onto the calm centred knowingness of the Sage and progress calmly, quietly and reliably through your Journey."

Today I was the Client - tomorrow I am the Coach.  I feel that I am in a Centred and Grounded place and I am looking forward to meeting with my Client.  And I am looking forward to continuing to be an Observer of my own Journey.

While today I spent a lot of time in my own Space - I was also happy to enjoy a walk and a talk and time with my Man.  For me it is about being in the Balance of Connection with Self and the Connection with others and being open to my Intuition to guide me on my Journey and to be true to Self.

I am very Thankful and Grateful for my Coach today, I am Inspired by her Wisdom and Talent and for the opportunity to enjoy the Power Of Coaching.

I am also very Grateful to my Man for his love and acceptance and appreciation of me - and to him for naturally being more than okay that I need my own time and  my own Space for my own Self-Discovery and Transformation.  He is Home to me and I am a Woman in love!!

Everything Is Possible

The main reason I love writing my Blog, THE reason I write my Blog, is that it offers the opportunity for Self-Reflection of my me, my day, my Journey.  Self-Reflection is important to me.

The last couple of days I have begun opening up to receiving the messages of my Dreams.  I have also became very interested in Dreamwork - I like what I read on Wikipedia - "Dreamworking differs from classical dream interpretation in that the aim of Dreamwork is to explore the various images and emotions that a Dream presents and evokes, while not attempting to come up with a single, unique dream meaning. In this way the Dream remains 'alive' whereas if it has been assigned a specific meaning, it is 'finished' (i.e., over and done with). Dreamworkers take the position that a Dream may have a variety of meanings, depending on the levels (e.g. subjective, objective) that are being explored.  A tenet of Dreamwork is that each person has his or her own Dream 'language'.  Any given place, person, object or symbol can differ in its meaning from Dreamer to Dreamer and also from time to time in the Dreamer's ongoing life situation. Thus someone helping a dreamer get closer to her or his Dream through Dreamwork adopts an attitude of 'not knowing' as far as possible."

I like the idea of keeping the Dream "alive".  At 10.40pm last night, I had another insight regarding my dream from two nights ago - I remember that my ex-lover never saw me as the one for him, that he was on the look out for someone else - and I have a sense that this could be the part of me that is looking outside myself for answers, or wanting me to be different rather than fully loving and engaging with myself.  Perhaps this is the message from my Soul that it is time for My Self to love me, choose me.  

When I wake up this morning I have a recall of another dream from last night.  I remember riding a bike, a shiny new green pushbike.  

In the dream I remember having a brief moment where I am loving riding my new bike.  And then I remember getting to the railway station and I am rushed and I am racing to get a ticket so I do not miss the train.  And the train is waiting for me and I rush and buy a ticket and then I am asking them to wait for me and then I jump on the train.  Once on the train, for a moment I feel relieved... and then I look out the window and realise that I have left my new, shiny green bike on the station and I just left it there - I know it will not be the same or still be there when I get back.  I am disappointed, sad.  I feel helpless that I am now on the train.  As I write these words, I realise that I was sad as I cannot go back to that moment.

This Dream is "alive" for me.  This is not about me rushing to get somewhere or missing a train.  For me this dream speaks to me about enjoying the now, enjoying the new parts of me, enjoying that I am a new Coach, enjoying this Journey, riding my new bike, not trying to get there sooner by jumping on a fast train - perhaps this is one way to look at this Dream.  There is the feeling that the shiny, new, green park is one of my Sub-Personalities and that I should not just disregard or discard or reject this part of me.  As I write these words, I have a remembering that yes I am a New Coach, and yet I am trained and I have so much to give my Clients.  I just have to be myself, what comes naturally to myself, I just have to be me.  My Clients who come to me have been sent to me by the Universe, by God - the all knowing - yes, I am a New Coach and yet I am here to love and serve and Spread The Yellow to my Clients.

I have been enjoying bringing my Yin Feminine and Yang Masculine into Union, into their Power.  My Yin and my Yang are my Strengths and Resources.  By being in touch with all Parts of me, I feel that anything and Everything Is Possible.  I feel very Inspired to help my Clients gain an Awareness of their own Yin and Yang, and develop all Parts of Self to help them bring their dreams into ACTION.  In my heart I believe Everything Is Possible - and my greatest wish is that the Coaching Process can help my Clients gain a sense of this truth.

I have been reading a lot about Self-Esteem and Self-Love.  I love this book 'The Everything Self-Esteem Book' by Robert M. Sherfield.  The Process of getting in touch with my Yin and Yang has helped me experience a wonderful feeling of Self-Love.  I love this image - almost like my Yin and Yang coming together.

   

I love these quotes 

- “Love yourself first and everything falls into line.” Lucille Ball quotes (American radio and motion-picture actress and comedy star, 1911-1989)  

- “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

I now feel that this is such a HUGE area where I would like to work with my Clients - helping them Love Self and Love Life.  From a place of Self-Love, I have a sense that Everything Is Possible!!  I have a KNOWING.

I LOVE THESE WORDS (that I find on a beautiful Blog) -

http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-love-yourself-in-17-ways/

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. 

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”

Denis 2005 Virginia Satir quotes (American Psychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)

From this place of Self-Love, I see the beauty in me, and I see the beauty in the world.  I feel I am in Connection to all things - I am all things - I am the birds singing, I am the leaves blowing in the breeze, I am the beautiful, fragrant, precious red rose.  I am the beautiful flower in our garden. 

I also love the words from this Blog -
http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-love-yourself-in-17-ways/

- "Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You."

Well Done My Yin-Yang

I am very Excited - today I had true Yin-Yang Success - my Yin and Yang working together in harmony.  I had an appointment with a Physician in Cronulla and I was able to meet with him and tell him about my Coaching Business.

First thing this morning I looked at my Art Therapy from Sunday 11 April 2010 (the last day of my College Intensive Course).

In preparation for the Intensive College Course, I completed the Myers Briggs Personality Profile which identified my Strengths and Preferences as ENFP - slightly expressed extravert, distinctively expressed Intuitive, very expressed feeling personality, moderately expressed perceiving personality. I am strong in my Intuition (especially that I now allow space in my life to hear the whisper of my Soul, and voice of Spirit) and I am in touch with my Feelings and Emotions.  Through my Coaching Studies, I learn that being ENFP means that my Yin, my Feminine part of me is strong.   

While my Myers Briggs Personality is Intuitive, rather that the Thinker, I have developed a strong Thinker through 17 years in the Corporate/ Business world - I can be Logical and Analytical. - these are  the qualities that belong to the Yang part of me, my Masculine.  The problem is that the Shadows of Overthinker, Critic and Judge can surface - and then I often abandon the Thinker, in preference of being in touch with my Intuition and Feelings.  

The College Project, which is actually proving to be so beneficial to my life, is about choosing an area that needs development.  In realising that I had abandoned my Yang, the skills I had developed from the Corporate World, I realised that I needed to get to know my Yang again.  I also realised that while I had a strong Thinker (Logical and Analytical), I needed to develop the Sensor part of me, the Organiser, Sequential, Planned part of myself.

I have been a Witness to my Yin and Yang for the last 7 weeks, their childhood friendship of them first getting to know each other, their adolescent first teenage crush (my Yin's first kiss with her Yang) and now bringing their true love into maturity.  My learning style is Visual, which I love, as I love seeing images in my mind's eye - and as I walk into the Doctor's Clinic I draw on images to give me strength.

 
I love my Goddess - she is beautiful and caring and natural and spreads light and energy.  For this appointment I need my Beloved Yang, my Masculine part of me.  I had been imagining an image of Richard Gere in a business suit, and yet this seems not me - too corporate for me.

And so I bring in a new image for my Yang - one that I can draw on, that makes sense for me - my male energy.

As I began this journey I became more in tune with allowing the creative tension between my Yin and Yang - where my Yang would wait patiently, and just be there, just waiting for my Intuitive Yin to know the next move.  I still love this powerful process - and rather than getting into Overthinker, I love that I am in touch with my Intuition and allow her to guide me.  And yet I am also loving the Strength, Confidence, Thinker, Planner, Action of my Yang and I am more Conscious of bringing my Yang onto the stage.  It reminds me of the clip that my Teacher and Mentor shared with us - I love it - "Stand By Me".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7P5jWu9JLo&feature=related

When I Consciously draw on my Yin and Yang, there is an internal dialogue happening - almost like a real conversation between these two parts of me - where I definitely feel my Yang male reminding my Yin female part that he is here and ready to go to work for me - he is saying "what now, where to next".  I feel my Yang man is there for me.  It is a great feeling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcITElLbSow&feature=related 

I feel my Yin and Yang together, working together as a Team, in partnership.

While I sit in the Doctor's Clinic waiting for my Appointment, I feel happy and at peace.  I am relaxed.  There are 4 patients in front of me and yet I feel happy, content just to sit and wait.  This is important to me.  I sense the image of my Yin-Yang Union - my Goddess in Power.  I love this image - it speaks to me - I am a Goddess on a Mission - THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

While still waiting for the Doctor, waiting about an hour, which feels like about 10 minutes, I visit the restroom and when looking at the mirror, I feel the Yang, Masculine Part of me speaking to the Yin, Feminine Part of me - I feel his energy speak to me - "You look beautiful, especially beautiful when you smile".

When I meet with the Doctor, he is welcoming and relaxed and I feel happy to be there, talking about Coaching and how I may be able to help his patients.  Thanks to the help of my Yang and  Yang's Strengths of being Logical and Planned and Ordered, I had prepared a folder with two pages of notes about Transformational Life Coaching, Confidentiality, The Types of Clients  Who May Benefit From Working With a Coach, Client Benefits Transformational Coaching Process and about SHINE Coaching - and so I felt Confident.  The Doctor is very relaxed and I am relaxed and rather than speaking from my notes, and being in Yang, Business, Salesman mode, I just speak from the heart.  I tell him I am Passionate about helping people in the local Community.  I tell him that Coaching offers the opportunity to support people who who may be looking to move forward in a new and positive direction, who may be experiencing stress and  may be at risk of falling into depression - offering support and being preventative.  The Doctor asks me questions about my background and education and in hindsight I am happy that I do not go into my Defensive or Justifier Shadows - instead I am relaxed in my communication and I feel very comfortable.  I am happy that the Doctor is happy to sit and talk with me.  I share with him why I am choosing to work in this line of work.  I feel we have good rapport and that we have enjoyed a Connection.  As I write this Blog, I am happy that I do not go into a Shadow of Overthinker, analysing everything or go into my Self-Doubt Shadow.  I feel my Yin and Yang, all parts of myself, worked well in building another bridge in the local Community.  My Yang, Businessman, has offered up the suggestion to Yin to write a follow up letter - good idea!

In Evaluation of my Yin-Yang Union I feel happy that I can be Consciously drawing on all the Strengths within me - my Feminine and Masculine parts of me.  I love that I now have strong images in my mind's eye and that I can choose to bring these parts of myself on to the stage of my life.  I do love that we all have Choices, that we may have Strengths and Preferences, and love that we have all parts within us, and can develop these parts so that we are Self-Reliant and become more Self-Confident.  I love that there is a whole love story happening within us - so often I have searched for a man to make me feel good or give me Positive Reinforcement and yet I have the capacity to love myself and offer support to myself.  The experience at the Doctor's Appointment will be a good example of my Yin and Yang in Union, working together to bring about love and light and energy for the greater good.  There were none of my Shadows in sight - my Overwhelm, Lonely, Self-Obsessed, Seeker of Positive Reinforcement, Judge, Comparer, Critic, 'Used To Be', 'Ghosts of the Past' or Stressed Out - all these parts were nowhere to be seen.  I felt my Yin and Yang holding hands, supporting each other, relaxed together, head and heart.  Well Done My Yin-Yang.

After the appointment, when I am sitting having a chai latte, I draw a picture of a heart with rays coming from the heart - this is how I feel after the appointment, my heart is open and I felt in Connection with the doctor who also has an open heart.  I find this image on Google images and it speaks to me.

After my Doctor's Appointment I go to the Bookstore (where I have a room booked on Fridays for my Coaching) and I am happy to see the Owner and Manager and I thank the Manager for the idea of making Appointments with Doctors in the local area.  I tell the Manager that the Appointment went really well.  I feel happy being at the Bookstore, I feel a sense of Belonging.  I am also happy when the Manager says that she has a feeling that I am going to do really well - it is genuine and heartfelt.

I look back over my notes that I printed out regarding an ENFP personality type.  I am happy when I read the Jung Career Indicator and it lists the following careers: Psychology, Counsellor, Journalist/ Reporter, Literature/ Writer, Film Producer, Marketing, Public Relationships Specialist.  I also love reading about my Strengths and Preferences, of my ENFP Profile, from different websites (http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=champion + http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html):
- Can't wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences (this is true and is true today when I tell the Manager about my positive meeting with the Doctor)
- Take things in primarily via my Intuition and can tell what is going on inside of others
- Warm, full of energy, enthusiastic, live in the world of possibilities, become very passionate and excited about things 
- My enthusiasm gives me the ability to inspire and motivate others
- Love life and see it as a special gift to strive and make the most of it
- Everything I do must be in line with my Values
- Need time alone to centre myself
- Interested in people and place great importance on their inter-personal relationships
- Speak or write in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience or of motivating others with powerful conviction
- Strong drive to speak out on issues.

When I read these Strengths and they resonate with me, it makes me feel happy - a sense of Self-Love.

This afternoon I watch love stories "Serendipity" and "Sleepless In Seattle" - I hired 5 weekly movies for $7 and I love when two people fall in love.  I also watch youtube and enjoy beautiful love songs.  I could listen to love songs all day.  I love this link - Greatest Long Songs - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUittJXChGY&NR=1 I love these words of these love songs, I imagine my Yin and Yang singing these words to me - saying the words to myself - embracing myself in Self-Love and reassurance, beautiful words with so much love:
- "And you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on"
- "Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars"
- "Hold my hand"
- "You will always be my endless love"
- "Baby, I'm amazed at the way I really need you"
- "Nothing compares to you"
- "I can't stop loving you"
- "I took the good times, I'll take the bad times, I'll take you just the way you are"
- "How beautiful life is while you're in the world"
- "I want to spend my life with you"
- "In your eyes, the light, the heat, your eyes, I am complete"
- "Have I told you lately that I love you, have I told you there is noone else above you" (WOW)
- "I will always love you" (WOW!!!)
- "I can't help falling in love you"
- "I need your love"

WOW.  I say these words to myself, twice over.  I realise that I do love so many wonderful aspects of myself and that I am amazing, I can recognise and Honour myself, be Grateful for myself - I am in Celebration of myself.  Once upon a time, a long time ago, about 6 years ago, I was deeply depressed, I didn't value myself, I couldn't see a bright, happy future, I thought my life was not worth living.  It was so long ago and the experience taught me so much.  This experience was also the catalyst to want me to help people - this experience led me to my lifework of a Coach.  And now, in this Journey, I am learning to know myself  The greatest gift is that I am moving from Self Acceptance to Self-Love.  I remember when I was married and my ex-husband would say that he "accepted me" - I hated this, this made me sad - I wanted him to tell me he loved me, that I was the love of his life, that I was wonderful and amazing and FANTASTIC!  And over the years I have dwelled in other unhealthy relationships.

And as I write this Blog I realise, up comes this Awareness, an "AHA" moment, that over the years, mainly before my Course, and sometimes now, I have allowed myself to dwell in an unhealthy relationship with myself - self-doubt, at times low self-confidence and self-esteem, at times negative and critical self-talk, certainly times wanting to change to be better or be more perfect.

And today I can Honour myself and say Well Done My Yin-Yang, Well Done Kath in Consciously choosing to bring these parts of myself together, to get to know myself and develop my Strengths - Well Done Kath, Well Done Me.

I can also be in Celebration for all my Achievements and Wins in the last 7 weeks.  I am in Celebration for all that I have accomplished in my Business through working with my Yin and Yang, relying on myself, bringing myself into my own power.  When I look at the Art Therapy painting from College from Sunday 11 April 2010, I am reminded that this was the Inspiration for my Business Logo.

By using the Strengths of my Yin part of me and my Yang part of me I was able to bring a Business Card and Flyer to life.  My Yin and Yang have also been essential in helping me organise two spaces for my Coaching - at a Bookstore and a Physiotherapist Clinic.  My Yin has loved more time in Nature, more time doing Art and listening to music that speaks to my Soul.  And my Yang has been so powerful and wonderful in getting organised with Client Forms and emails and preparation for the material for my meeting with the Doctor today.  While my Yang had all the material today, and was so in full support of his beloved Yin, it was wonderful that my Yin part of me was so present today, where I was able to show my Passion and my love of helping people.  And in the Process of Evaluation of my Yin-Yang Project I realise that I have become Self-Reliant and I have gained more Strength and Self-Confidence.

The GREATEST GIFT is that I am in a place of Self-Love.  I can now say to myself, the words I have longed to hear - YOU ARE wonderful and amazing and FANTASTIC!  I see you.  I see the Greatness in you.

I love these Love Duets - they make my heart sing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG4TL3ZktyQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6Dg1Ymji-Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iv1zsxa-qb0&feature=fvsr

Tonight I receive an email from the Manager at the Bookstore - her favourite quote which is also one of my favourites:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

I love these words.  My wish is that through my Shine Coaching business I can help people Shine - I can help people "manifest the glory of God that is within" them.  I am so happy that I am in touch with my life purpose to Spread The Yellow.   

Tonight I watch 'Garden State', a story about life, a love story, and I love these two quotes, they speak to me tonight - "Let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is that we are" and "This is beginning of something really big" - this is how I am feeling tonight, as I Honour myself and Honour my Journey.  YES - THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING REALLY BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!