I Wish

The other day I went into Paddington to get some makeup for my wedding. As I do not wear makeup very often and like a very natural look, I have been looking for a makeup artist and the right makeup. And after meeting a lovely beautician on Thursday night, my journey took me into Paddington.

I am not a big shopper and yet when I arrived at Paddington, I heard the faint whisper of a Part of me that said “I Wish”... I was shocked - the voice said “I Wish I was rich...” In a second I thought about how I would go to the day spa all the time for facials and massages and “I Wish I was rich to go into all of the fancy clothing boutiques” and ”I Wish I had the confidence to go into the fancy boutiques”. And then in an instant I thought “I Wish I was more beautiful”,” I Wish I had perfect skin”, ” I Wish I had perfect features”, “ I Wish I had beautiful long hair”, “I Wish I looked all dressed up and fancy like the ladies passing by me”.

I was very curious about this Part of me...

Normally I sit in a place of Gratitude and Thankfulness for all I am and all I have. Very big in my Awareness is the fact that so many people live in poverty and struggle for their basic needs or even just people who are affected by sickness and disabiity. And yet here I was wishing for more.

And it is not that I can’t afford clothes in those boutiques - maybe one or two pieces (maybe a scarf) if I made it a Priority - yet it actually comes back to the larger Part of me that does not really like shopping. And yet I have noticed that there is this Part of me that is become louder and wants to wear nice things and wear makeup and look pretty. For a long time I did competitive Running, it was always about being faster - short hair, skinny, Running shoes, Running clothes, Running, training, competing - very Masculine and Yang. I even remember a boyfriend at the time who grew sick of my tracksuits and wished I wore more skirts - I still remember him saying that to me. And after I hurt my back I started wearing shapeup joggers to help my back, and they do make a difference - and yet now I want different. Now my Feminine Part of me, my Yin, is coming more alive, back alive - where I am finding myself wanting to buy magazines, wear pretty blouses, wanting to paint my nails - and even travelling to Paddington to get the right makeup that is right for me.

These thoughts in my head of “I Wish” only lasted about one or two minutes. I was then able to return to the Part of me that knows I am so fortunate. And then I also sat in a Space of what is really most important to me - what “I Wish” for the most - “I Wish my Mum didn’t have cancer”, this is the big number one - and “I Wish we have a baby soon”, another big, very important Wish.

Being in the Space of “I Wish” made me think of the Serenity Prayer - “God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot Change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.” For me there are many things outside my control, some of the big things. And if my greatest ”I Wish” is about Family for me, I can continue to treat this as a Priority in my life.

And if I am finding my Spirit come alive and some excitement regarding matters of the Feminine, it does not mean that I have to get caught up in Consumerism, Materialism, Shopping - yet I can enjoy my trip to Paddington to buy makeup, I can buy and enjoy flicking through magazines, and I am really enjoying now that I am back again wearing more dresses, embracing my Feminine. And it doesn’t mean I have to spend a lot of money - I even enjoyed a look at St Vincent De Paul’s at Paddington and found a really nice designer blouse and also a dress - all for the total price of $18 - I was Excited. I don’t really care about the “designer” bit, although there was a Part of me quietly Proud as if I had bought it at full price - and the main Part of me loved the bargain. Mostly I always love the opportunity to be on a treasure hunt to see what surprises and delights me in second hand stores and I love the chance to Recycle and Reuse.

The “I Wish” related to the Feminine Part of me is loving colour and fabrics and fashion. My Spirit is highlighting that I could get back to sewing again - I remember with fond memories sewing clothes -back when I was about 16-20 years of age. I used to love sewing dresses and wearing them out. Perhaps a new hobby when the time is right. And I am also interested in expressing my creativity through photography - another hobby I once loved.

I am not going to say” I Wish I had more time”.   I know I have the power to manage my time so that I can focus on my Priorities and Values.

I just realised that if I stay in the “I Wish” Space for too long (more than a couple of minutes), I am almost sitting in powerlessness, almost waiting for someone to rescue me or make my dreams come true.

Instead if I use the “I Wish” Space as a window to when my Spirit comes alive and when I feel Inspired, I can decide if this is really my heart’s desire.  There is almost a childhood Innocence here -  I can ask my Innocence Part of me what I really want, and in the quietness listen to my inner voice.

For ages and always, since I have stopped Running over the last couple of years, whenever I see a runner, I always say to myself “I Wish I could run again”, and so today on my walk, I allowed my Self to enjoy a few minutes of Running, in between Walking, enough to make me feel the aliveness and Joy of Running. Wonderful!!!

From the “I Wish” Space I can also check to see what is underneath the “I Wish” and show Curiosity of how I can fulfil Needs for my Self, my Soul. As an example the “I Wish I was rich and I would go to day spas more often”, I know this for me is about yes being pampered, but most importantly just wanting time to relax and have “me time”.  And so this morning I made it a Priority to get up early and take a walk in nature, and this evening made time for a relaxing bath.

And so from the “I Wish” Space, which feels so distant and far away, I am able to move to a place of feeling Excited and Empowered.

2011!!!

2011!!!  I love the beginning of a New Year - it is such a great chance to set a Vision for the New Year - it is always a great chance for reflection and a great opportunity for excitement. 

It has been great being on holidays this week - just a chance to relax and recharge and get ready for NOW, the New Year, 2011!!!  One of my favourite things this week has been going to the Moonlight Cinema - I love being outdoors and I love movies and so it is a perfect enjoying this setting with My Man.  We watched 'Life As We Know It' - a love story with a baby, loved it, love love stories, love babies.

This week I have also loved the chance to read a novel - wow - a story - fiction.  I have always loved  reading non-fiction, self-development books - and since becoming a Coach I now read personal development books with a broader agenda, which means I am always thinking how I can apply this knowledge for myself and to help my Clients.  And so WOW - how great it feels to not think and just read a story.  I read 'The Forgotten Garden' by Kate Morton - loved it - loved it so much that I just wanted to keep reading every chance I got - and what a great way to relax.

Another highlight this week has been planning our wedding - still a lot to do - and yet we got started.  It is exciting and there is so much to do - and I feel relaxed trusting it will all come together. 

New Year's Eve was great!!!  We went to our favourite restaurant - an intimate Japanese restaurant - great food - just the two of us.  We had been invited to a party with friends and yet we also like to enjoy a quiet night together as a great way to begin the New Year.

I loved the chance to reflect on our highlights of 2010 over dinner - so many highlights - getting engaged, starting to try for our own baby, my Mum feeling healthy, my Dad bouncing back after heart surgery, starting my own Coaching Business, My Man getting a new job (his dream job), My Man's Mum enjoying a nice holiday, time with my Nieces, time with our Families, day trips, dinners out, birthday celebrations, holiday away to Nelson Bay.  For us there have been big things - and there has been much simplicity and small things being the big things.

After a lovely dinner, we enjoyed taking a walk along the beach  I really love where we live.  And then at home I loved watching a love story and watching the fireworks.  It was nice to be at home when we enjoyed the 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 Happy New Year 2011!!!  It is great to feel so at home in our home, feeling so at home in my Self, feeling so at home with another.  How many New Year's Eve nights, how many nights was I wishing I would kiss My True Love - I have always been looking for Love - and now I can stop searching - YAHOO!!!

So here we are - 2011!!!  We enjoyed a nice lunch with Family and then a nice relaxing afternoon - a perfect start to the New Year.  And how do I want this year to be for me - where do I want to be when I am sitting here on the first day of 2012 - how will I know it has been a great year?  This time next year I will be a happy wife, a Mum, we will be living in a new home, my main work will be my lifework working one on one with my Coaching Clients and also running Workshops and Group Coaching and I will be writing books.  What will not change - the most important thing to me is time with everyone I Love - Love will always be most important to me.

I love that I have my Vision Board for my Life Design in our bedroom - it is great seeing this when I wake up everyday - it is simple and it is clear - everything that is important to me.

And I love that I am in touch with my Passions and my Values.  I have these on a board that I will also post up next to my bed - so that everyday I will remember what makes me feel alive - here I am 2011!!!

This is what it reads -

What are my PASSIONS?  What Brings Me Alive?
How would I wish to spend my last day on earth? 
Actually this is how  I want to LIVE EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE...
”And these are a few of my favourite things...”

Love - Partner, Family, Friends, Clients, Love to All - I also can’t wait to be a Mum and have our own beautiful baby

God  -  Living InSpirit - Open to Inspiration, Space for the Rising of Spirit, Belief that we are all here for a Divine Purpose - I Am Here to Love and Serve

Connection - One-on-one sharing of Sacred Space, PRESENCE with another - Seeing, Honouring, Acknowledging the Light and Gifts in another - Loving and Encouraging Uniqueness and Greatness  (Unity in Diversity, Joy of Differences and Similarities, Moment-to-Moment we can Rejoice in ‘X-Factor’ in each other - one of my favourite parts of College has been enjoying and being a Witness to the AMAZING Gifts and Uniqueness in each of us - WOW,  AND Connection even when it is hard - Conscious Acceptance and  Love of What Is...)

Coaching - I am very Passionate about Coaching  and the opportunity to help Clients feel Self-Love, learn to be true to Self and feel Empowered to Create a life that Inspires and Excites them

Nature - Birds, trees, flowers, walking through the bush, floating in the ocean

Personal Development - Learning, Reading, Studying, Self-Reflection, Growth

Balance - Being/ Doing, Life/ Work, Personal/Professional, Solitude/ Intimacy - Allowing Space in my life for new interests to emerge - looking forward to enjoy time for sewing, writing, cooking, creating

Health - Self-Care Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually

Gratitude - Daily Reflection of all the beauty, wonders, miracles and Gifts in my life

Community - Feeling of Home and Belonging - Desire to Contribute - Feeling a sense of Love and Connection with others - Passionate about Encouraging Community to be Inclusive rather than Exclusive - Passionate about Contributing and being of Service Locally and Globally

Being Present - Mindfulness, Living in the Moment, Being Spontaneous and EMBRACING NOW,  Enjoying Now, Trusting the Flow.

And I find that by Being Present in 2011 I am able to enjoy the Gifts of every day.  Today when I am glancing out the window I am so Grateful for the Frangipani Tree that I can see - the flowers are beautiful - a Gift from God, and I have such great thanks.

And now I am so Grateful that I can make a nice cup of peppermint tea and relax with my Man.

To 2011 - to making every day a great day living a Passionate life.  To making dreams come true.  To being Me.  And so important is to Love and Serve - to live my life on Purpose - to Spread The Yellow.

2011!!!  I am ready.