Stop

Stop - that's what I need to do when I decide to eat chocolate.  I have to Stop eating chocolate!

Growing up I loved chocolate.  It was always a special treat on the day my Mum went shopping, where she would buy a block of chocolate or we would get some dairy milk rolls as a special treat.  And then at school, I loved eating strawberry freddos.  I always liked chocolate.  And then I became super serious with my running, and for a long time, maybe around 5-7 years, I didn't eat any chocolate or any sugar or any cakes or any treats.  I loved that I was so disciplined and I felt healthy in some ways - and in other ways my diet was so extreme that it was stressful, especially since I was also vegan.

And so I started becoming more flexible with my diet.  Now my preference is vegetarian, although I do eat fish.  And since I met My Man I started eating Lindt chocolate.  And yet the truth is that even though I like chocolate, every time I eat it, I feel sick.  I thought that it may be me feeling guilty that I was eating chocolate and yet I eat it so rarely that I do not feel guilty - I just feel sick.  I eat chocolate, I definitely enjoy the chocolate, and then within a short period of time I get a headache, stomach ache and my legs start aching - I then lie in bed feeling sick.  And often the next day I wake up with a chocolate hangover - feeling heavy and tired and sick.  And I know all of this, and I still, from time to time, maybe once a week or once a fortnight, decide to eat chocolate.

The last two nights I have had chocolate.  And it might not sound like a big deal, considering I don't eat chocolate very much - yet it is a big deal, given that it makes me feel sick - I feel that I am allergic to something in chocolate - and I know it, and I still eat it.  The good news is, that I haven't really had much chocolate since Christmas, and so I know it is not an addiction and I know I can give it up - and I want to Stop eating it - to best look after my Self.

And I am aware that eating chocolate or sweets can often be linked to our emotional state - and I have definitely had two huge and challenging days at work - and I am conscious of eating chocolate - and often it is because I like the taste, and then the delight is very quickly replaced with regret.

I've been reading 'The Best Year Of Your Life' by Debbie Ford, an amazing book, and I love the poem by Portia Nelson, which illustrates how we "keep engaging in the same behaviours over and over again".

- "I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street."


I love this poem.  I feel Inspired when I read the words.  And I could definitely relate to the words, particularly for previous relationships that did not serve me.  And now for chocolate.  It makes no sense to me why I continue to eat chocolate, even if it is only every now and then, when it moves me away from my preferred happy and healthy Self - and so I am making the commitment to Stop.

My Strategy is to make sure I pause before taking a piece of chocolate, and in that moment I will imagine a Stop sign - as well as projecting forward and remembering how unwell I will be if I eat the chocolate. 

I am also Excited that I am getting married in 8.5 weeks and I also plan to Visualise my Self in my Yellow Dress, as I want to feel my best.  As we are also trying for a baby, which is SO important to me, I am also planning to imagine keeping my body healthy and strong for our beautiful baby.

By writing this Post, I am showing all of me, including my imperfections  - which is interesting, as I have continued to eat chocolate every now and then so that I am not being so strict on my Self and not being too perfect.  In Coaching, I am often on the look out for the Perfectionist Part of my Clients that sabotage Self-Esteem and can affect our achieving of our Dreams - and yet I need to get real - eating chocolate does not serve me.  I am using this Space to detail my Goal of not eating any chocolate at all anymore, and to also hold my Self Accountable to my Self.

Of course I have also asked My Man for support and asked him not to offer me any chocolate or buy me any chocolate, and to also tackle me if I make my way to the fridge to have some of his chocolate.  Time for me to be focused and Stop.  It's that simple.  And instead of chocolate I will choose a peppermint tea which I always enjoy and makes me feel relaxed and at peace.

Now In This Moment

We have finally put my favourite print on the wall in our bedroom - it is a photo of Cronulla at sunrise.  I love that I see this photo when I first wake up in the morning.  I feel Inspired to get up and get outdoors and get down to the beach when I see this photo.

I get up earlier than normal and I am Happy to receive this message by email -
"There is nothing more important than what you are experiencing Right Now In This Moment." Amir Zoghi

"Nothing Kathryn, nothing.  Absolutely nothing can be more important than what you are experiencing in this moment.  Because there is nothing but this moment, anything you perceive to experience outside of this moment are simply thoughts, a thought from memory or a thought of the future.  This moment is real; anything else is only a shadow of this moment.  Where are you living Kathryn?  In life or in its shadows? The Universe"  

I love these words - this is a great basis of an Intention to carry with me today - especially, consciously on my morning Walk.  I become a witness to myself - observing my own self - it is interesting.  I notice that my mind is so active - so active.  By being a witness to myself, I am able to catch myself each time the Overthinker part of me comes onto the stage - often I am in the moment - and then I will see something that catches my heart and my attention and it may send me back into the past or into thoughts of the future.  For example I see an older couple walking together, hand in hand - and it is a lovely sight - of course it makes me think about love and relationships.  Or I just start thinking about my Coaching Business and what needs to get done this week.  And by being a Witness and Observer to myself, I am able to consciously choose the focus of my energy.  As soon as I am aware that I am moving away from this present moment, I imagine a Stop sign and then I bring myself back to the current moment - being aware of the sounds and sights Now In This Moment.

I love being outdoors, I love the surprises that the outdoors brings - such as this family of ducks.  I see them every morning.  And just as I imagined the Stop sign this morning - I enjoy seeing the ducks today.

I love being at the beach this morning.  As usual I love seeing everyone so active.  I am especially, as always, impressed with the ocean swimmers - watching them swimming at this time of year, while I am layered up with a tracksuit.  I am very Inspired.  I would love to be able to embrace swimming as my sport - I've often thought about being a brave ocean swimmer - yet I just feel the cold (so much).  And yet I am Inspired - perhaps I will start this Goal in Spring.  For now I will just watch the swimmers with admiration.

I just love being out in the sunshine.  I could walk all day.  And yet today I go to work, where I also hold onto the Intention to be Now In This Moment.  This is one of my Goals - to be Present.  My Strategy is to be an Observer to myself, so that I am more consciously aware.  And also by using the image of the Stop sign - this helps to bring me back to the Now - this is a good tool if I get lost in thoughts of my past or start worrying about my future.

I am reminded of a great quote that I saw the other day 

- "Today everything is possible, yesterday has gone"

Tonight I listened to a Webinar by Kristen Hansen - Mind Mastery - it was fantastic.  Kristen talks about being a Director of your thinking - that you are the Director and you can think about your thinking (meta-thinking - being an Observer) where you know you are not your thoughts, and you have a Choice about the thoughts that are helpful and that you can choose to keep or drop your thoughts.  Kristen talks about the difference between Narrative Circuitry (the busy mind, the constant chatting) versus the Direct Experience, where we are in the moment (Now In This Moment), in tune with the senses of the moment, Mindfulness - where we hear the birds singing.  I loved hearing this in the Webinar - especially since I loved hearing the birds singing this morning.

I loved the Webinar.  I love knowledge.  I am Passionate about being the best Coach I can be for my Clients - and that involves a Commitment to my own growth and continued learning.  And in my personal and professional life, I am always committed to my Mission to Spread The Yellow.  By being in the Now and by being totally Present, I have a knowing that I will be presented with so many wonderful opportunities to love and to serve.