1 Month To Go

It's 1 Month To Go until I turn 40.

40!!!  I can't really believe it!  The other day at work, one of my colleagues said that she thought I was in my 20s - that's a nice compliment, however the reality is that I am turning 40.  

And I am feeling 40.  Starting my new job has been challenging and rewarding and stressful and tiring - it has been a great move and I am enjoying my job - and I am tired and feeling old.  My favourite thing to do when I get home is to have a hot bath and I do look forward to trying to get into bed before 10pm, so that I can feel fresh when I wake up early in the morning.  My Man and I laugh about it - although I do wish I did not feel so tired and so "middle-aged".

With 1 Month To Go I was hoping to use tonight as a chance for Reflection - where I am, where I want to be - and how I can take Steps to close this gap.  And yet as I sit here I am already feeling tired and ready to turn in for the night.  Of course I also have a cold and so am not feeling 100%.

Hmm... not a positive start to my 1 Month To Go Review.  

The great news is that today we sold our Apartment - and so we are 1 Step closer to being able to buy a new home, a 3 bedroom townhouse or villa where we can start getting ready to grow our Family - now that would be the number 1 Dream - having a beautiful baby.  In turning 40, having a baby is what I feel is most missing from our lives - and I feel that this is the next chapter in our lives.  Having a baby of our own will be the greatest Dream come true. 

Another thing that is also missing from my life, at the moment, is a regular exercise routine.  I have fond memories of when I would be out running every morning, training for an upcoming running event.  I would be up early and out the door full of energy and excitement.  And yet now I allow time for my snooze button to catch a few extra minutes before getting out of bed to get ready for work.  I do walk and I do stay active through the day - and yet I am missing a training program.  I must get back onto the treadmill as well as longer walks outdoors.  

From today, starting today I am also making a Commitment to give up chocolate - at least for the next 1 month - chocolate is not the best for my well-being, I often get quite sick eating chocolate and the next day after eating it, I feel very less than my best.  Giving up chocolate for the 1 month, at least, will also be a good practice of my willpower.

With 1 Month To Go before I turn 40 I am feeling so Grateful for all the greatness in my life - My Man, my Family, my Coaching, my new job, Community, Friends.  Definitely within the next few weeks I am looking forward to some Self-Care and pampering - perhaps some nice long walks, perhaps a massage, actually definitely a massage, maybe/ definitely a facial.  And maybe a new craft hobby - I did start doing knitting, enjoyed it, not sure if this is right for me since I had to keep undoing all that I have knitted when I make a mistake, as the Perfectionist in me wants to get it right - maybe back to crochet or sewing and definitely photography.  And I know I definitely want to start writing, or do more writing - Trusting in the power of Inspiration and I must remember to tune into this Space.

Hmm... 1 Month To Go - and how Grateful I am that I AM HAPPY!!!

Thank You God for all your Blessings.

Hmm... time for bed...  and what a Blessing it is to feel safe and warm, feeling a sense of Home and feeling relaxed and at peace.

Crossing The Threshold

Well today was my last day of my job, it is a day of Crossing The Threshold - moving towards a role where I feel I will be of greater Service and working on Purpose.

Today at work, everyone was very lovely, we had a morning tea, the Operations Manager said some nice words about me, that I have "definitely been an asset", and everyone gave me a hug goodbye and wished me well and my Operations Manager once again said that he knew it would all go well for me.

I took some photos - I wanted to capture the people that I work with who have helped me grow in so many ways - and capture this day for me, a day that I will remember as it represents a big change for me, a big decision (that seems easy), the Crossing The Threshold.

It feels a bit strange leaving my job, I don't really know how I am feeling - perhaps sadness... I am not sure of the emotion... although I definitely do not feel relief or huge joy - which is a good sign in a way - I am leaving while the energy is still positive, rather than leaving a job I do not like.  I have worked at this company since 1 March 2010, not that long, and yet I feel that I have settled in and given my best. Whatever the emotion of leaving my job, it is definitely side by side the Excitement of my new Journey I am about to begin. While I have given my best at my job, I know that there is more of me that I can give...and so I am Crossing The Threshold.

I definitely feel that I am responding to the Call of my Soul. And I am definitely leaving the comfortable and known and stepping out into the unknown.

I found these great words about Crossing The Threshold by Alvin Soon "You’ve committed to leaving behind the Ordinary World and stepping into the New World of your Hero’s Journey. And as you do, you’re exposed to new sounds and sights, new learnings, surprises, adventures and experiences you’ve never had before.  As you do so, you might feel out of place. You might feel uncomfortable, inexperienced. You are the proverbial babe in the woods. You ask yourself, ‘What was I thinking to leave my ordinary world behind?’. We’ve all been in situations like this.  But you’re stretching beyond your old self."

This morning when I was driving to work, for my last day, the first words I hear are "Shine a little of my light on the world" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qzqzb9QTLA and I am loving this song and feeling so motivated as I sing along "I'm gonna give myself permission to shine, I'm gonna shine so bright" - loving this song!  And then it was funny, as I'm feeling so Motivated and Excited, and then the news comes on and they tell the news about an armed hold up at Burwood - hmm, great, this is where I will be working.  Although I know there can be crime anywhere and this will not take away my Excitement.  Then a speaker comes on talking about Jesus being with his Disciples in the storm and I felt reassured and reminded that God will be with me everyday.

Ever since I have been young I have wanted to be of Service. For a long time I was planning to be a Teacher and then changed my mind at the last minute before my university preferences needed to be submitted.  And for most of my Career I have worked in corporate companies and I have always tried to find a Purpose in my role to keep me Inspired.  And now I am Crossing The Threshold where I feel that I can Make A Difference everyday - and that is my Commitment.

I feel ready to step out into the world.  I feel Excited that I can be a Life Coach everyday.  My Commitment is to see the Uniqueness and Greatness in every person, and help my Clients be the Creators of their own lives.

I refer to my website www.shinecoaching.com.au 'About Me' and I feel that the very essence of what I offer in Coaching, will be able to be offered in my new role:


* SHINE: Excitement, brightness, glowing, brilliance, excellence, eyes lighting up, a feeling of basking in sunlight, reflecting light to others

* As a Coach it is a Honour to work with people - As a Coach I see the light in people, their uniqueness, their greatness - so that they may SHINE and express their unique gifts in the world

* The Coaching Process involves shining a light on areas in life that are both working and not working, shining a light on the Vision for the future and bringing obstacles into the light to help bring about change

* My belief is that each day is a new day, that we are not defined or restricted by our past, but that with the rising of the sun there is the opportunity to begin again or take new steps towards our desired destination

* My desire is that the Process of Coaching can help more people LOVE SELF and LOVE LIFE

* MY BACKGROUND: I have 5 years experience working in Training and Team Performance and with a Diploma in Transformational Life Coaching I love working with Clients to help them live a life that they love

* I BRING TO COACHING: My strong Presence and offering of Sacred Space, my Passion and Enthusiasm, Positive Attitude, belief in our ability to create a life that Inspires and Excites us, Commitment to my Clients, empathy and compassion

* I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE

* I Am Here to Help People CREATE A NEW STORY FOR THEIR LIVES

* I Am Here to Help People SHINE in Life


And so as I am Crossing The Threshold, I realise that I may be stepping into the unknown, yet I have Confidence and Strength in my own Self and a clear Vision for my Lifework... and so I feel at Peace... Thank You God, Amen

My Uniqueness, My Greatness

I am a big believer that we all have a Life Purpose or Soul Purpose, that is different for each and every person. We all have our Unique Gifts and I believe that when we are in the space that allows us to express our Uniqueness and Greatness, we feel alive. And the opposite of this is also true. 

I have been asking myself what is “My Uniqueness, My Greatness For The Glory Of God”? In being Christian I do believe that God has made us as unique beings (in his image) and by following the guidance of the Holy Spirit, listening to The Call, we can live our truth and serve God for the greater good of all.

Thanks to the Process of my Coaching Course I was able to discover my Life Purpose as “To Love and Serve, to Spread The Yellow, to Make A Difference” and lately I have been asking myself, am I living this everyday - or how can I better live this every day.

I love my work Coaching my Clients - it is wonderful and such an honour to be a Coach. The work that I love is helping Clients access their own truth, where they can be true to themselves in the daily lives - in their relationships and their work. I am committed to being an Integral Practitioner and so I challenge myself to live my highest potential by also being true to myself.

I have been working for four days in a company as a Team Leader/ Project Leader. I have enjoyed my job - I understand the work, I feel that I do it well, the company is local to my home - and yet I do not feel alive or energised. And in reflection, I feel that there is not the room to fully express my Gifts, my Self, my all, My Uniqueness, My Greatness.

I have been reading Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl which is based on his experience and learnings of being in a concentration camp and a quote I love is “it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.”

I have been praying, asking God, where can I serve, and asking him to open up opportunities for me. And I have been sitting with a sense of peace, trusting in God.

There have been signs and I am glad that I paid attention.

There was a small hint of possibilities when I was watching the clip on the Nature Care website from one of my previous teachers and she was talking about the Life Coaching Course and the opportunity to either work for yourself or use Life Coaching skills in a workplace.  Hmm... this sense of possibilities resonated with me...

The first real sign was how uncomfortable I was feeling at work when people in my workplace were making jokes and remarks about minority groups and people who have disabilities. I know that they were harmless remarks and were said without meaning to be offensive - and yet I felt so anxious and stressed every time I heard these remarks. My oldest friend is in a wheelchair and I am so aware of her huge ability and how amazing she is - and so any comments about people with disabilities makes me feel that I can’t breathe. This reaction got me thinking...

At Church I asked the Pastor to pray for me and she prayed that conversations would take place and there would be new possibilities for my Lifework.

I then went to a Coaching Workshop and was talking about my reaction to what was happening at work. Then after meeting fellow Coaches who were working in organisations where there is more room for them to share their skills, I felt Inspired to look at Seek on the computer. At that time I intuitively felt The Call to look at Recruitment Services for people who are unemployed and may also have disabilities. Instantly I felt excited and passionate and without any hesitation I started applying for positions.

I am now so excited that I have found a great new job. On Monday 18 July 2011 I start a new role as a Group Facilitator for job seekers and a Placement Consultant for adults and teenagers with short-term and medium-term disabilities. I am so excited that I feel that I will be able to use my Training and Life Coaching skills on a daily basis. I am not sure where this Journey will lead me, and I feel excited that I can show up with love and help people to see their own Uniqueness and Greatness so that they feel confident and Empowered to be the Creators of their own lives.

I feel excited that I am answering The Call of my Soul.

I have been reading Soul Currency by Ernest D. Chu, another brilliant book, and I love all of the stories that highlight the Uniqueness and Greatness of individuals:

- Walter Simonson studied a major in Geology, and everyone who did not know him thought that he was very serious - however he had a gift for drawing fantasy stories and on Saturday nights he would share his comics with his friends - his parents wanted him to study medicine - today Walt Simonson is one of the most beloved comic book illustrators and writers, his joy and talent show in illustrations in The Hobbit, Thor, X-Factor and The Making of a Sorcerer - he has reached the top of his profession

- As a young six-year old girl Author J.K.Rowling would write fantasy stories about rabbits in her diary, and through following her Soul Purpose and using her Uniqueness and Greatness has successfully written Harry Potter, a series that people all over the world love

- Kenny Kramm worked as a pharmacy technician in his family business, and when he had his second child, his little girl at only ten days old had a massive brain hemorrhage - Kenny and his Wife tried to give their Daughter medicines to help manage her cerebral palsy and seizures, yet their daughter would spit out the awful-tasting medicines - Kenny then started experimenting with harmless additives and flavours, where the drive to help his daughter and then the idea of helping other children has encouraged him in his work - today FLAVORx Inc is the leader in flavourings for medicines

- John Wood took a vacation from his high-stress job as a Microsoft Marketing Executive - he also had an intention to find meaning in his life - he went hiking in the Himalayas and visited a school where he noticed the school’s library only had a few books left behind by hikers - John Wood soon resigned from Microsoft and established Room To Read, an organisation dedicated to foster literacy in countries affected by poverty

- John Robbins went to Harvard and was being groomed to be President of the family business, Baskin-Robbins, one of the world’s largest ice cream producers - but he believed that ice cream contributed to “disharmony with our environment” and wrote the prize winning Diet For A New America.

Mother Teresa once said “It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of Love that is put into them that matters.” Love is what will Inspire me as I start my new job and commit to making a difference.

1 Year

In 1 Year so much has happened, there have been some big changes in my life.

I am most Excited that I am now Married.  Getting Married to My Man was such a wonderful day - the happiest day of my life.  Words cannot really capture the Joy and Excitement and Love of our day on 11 April 2011.  It was such a perfect day.  What made it so perfect was being so happy and in Love - we had the biggest smiles all day.  It was also a perfect day, being surrounded by so many of our closest Family and Friends, those who we Love.  My Nieces were our Flowergirls and they looked so beautiful - it was so special having them be a part of our day.  I love my Nieces so much.  And it was very special for me having my Mum and Dad share our day.  I am so lucky to now have a wonderful Husband - who is my best friend, my everything.  I am very blessed.

And our Honeymoon was FANTASTIC!  It was so great going away together to Fiji, we just loved it!  No computers, no TV, no phones, just beautiful warm weather, relaxing days just the two of us.  Bula, Bula - everyone is so friendly.  The food was incredible, so much food - best fish I have ever tasted.  My Man loved the snorkelling, I saw this totally new side to him - he was so active and excited about going snorkelling and kayaking.  And I loved the swimming pool - as soon as I woke up I was in my swimming costume and just loved swimming in the pool.  I really loved the opportunity to relax in paradise together.  PARADISE is the word!!!

The Turtle is important in Fiji - it means goodluck.  I loved the Turtles on Treasure Island.  My life has been filled with good blessings in the last 1 Year.

And I do believe in making my own goodluck.  I am blessed that My Man came into my life and yet I do know that as soon as I became clear and conscious about what I wanted in a relationship, that I was able to be so confident that My Man was so right for me.  I also did not settle for anything less than the Vision I had for my True Love.  Finally!!! I am happy and in Love.  And the greatest realisation is that neither my Husband or I have to be perfect - we Love each other, we can grow together, we can learn and get to know all the different Parts of each other - and best of all, we are the Creators of our life together.

In the last 1 Year I have also been learning from being in my own Coaching business.  I have been Coaching for 1 Year now and now is the time for self-reflection - to look at what I have learnt and take those learnings to plan for the next 1 Year ahead.

I am happy.  It has been a wonderful 1 Year.  I am also blessed that my Mum is well and happy and healthy and we had a lovely Mother and Daughter day today.  And I always love to see my Dad, it has also been a big 1 Year for him.

It has been a big 1 Year.  Some things are not within my control - and yet I am choosing to focus on what I can control - choosing positive thoughts, letting go of worry, and very importantly taking ACTION towards my Goals - what are my Goals?  Time to set some new Goals - where do I want to be 1 Year from now?  I have learnt from the last 1 Year that I can make a difference, that I can consciously choose - now it is time to Visualise 1 Year from now and also start taking steps in that direction.

This week I plan to make time to reflect on the question on the back of my Business Card -
Ask yourself from the heart, if I could be, do or have anything I would definitely...
... Stay tuned...

Unconditional Love

Wow - I had to share these amazing words:

'Unconditional Love - Love Without Condition' by Sandy Stevenson

"I love you as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world.

I honour your choices to learn in the way you feel is right for you.

I know it is important that you are the person you want to be and not someone that I or others think you 'should' be. I realise that I cannot know what is best for you, although perhaps sometimes I think I do.

I have not been where you have been, viewing life from the angle you have. I do not know what you have chosen to learn, how you have chosen to learn it, with whom or in what time period. I have not walked life looking through your eyes, so how can I know what you need.

I allow you to be in the world without a thought or word of judgement from me about the deeds you undertake. I see no error in the things you say and do. In this place where I am, I see that there are many ways to perceive and experience the different facets of our world. I allow without reservation the choices you make in each moment. I make no judgement of this, for if I would deny your right to your evolution, then I would deny that right for myself and all others.

To those who would choose a way I cannot walk, whilst I may not choose to add my power and my energy to this way, I will never deny you the gift of love that God has bestowed within me, for all creation. As I love you, so I shall be loved. As I sow, so shall I reap.

I allow you the Universal right of Free Will to walk your own path, creating steps or to sit awhile if that is what is right for you. I will make no judgement that these steps are large or small, nor light or heavy or that they lead up or down, for this is just my viewpoint. I may see you do nothing and judge it to be unworthy and yet it may be that you bring great healing as you stand blessed by the Light of God. I cannot always see the higher picture of Divine Order.

For it is the inalienable right of all life to choose their own evolution and with great Love I acknowledge your right to determine your future. In humility I bow to the realisation that the way I see as best for me does not have to mean it is also right for you. I know that you are led as I am, following the inner excitement to know your own path.

I know that the many races, religions, customs, nationalities and beliefs within our world bring us great richness and allow us the benefit and teachings of such diverseness. I know we each learn in our own unique way in order to bring that Love and Wisdom back to the whole. I know that if there were only one way to do something, there would need only be one person.

I will not only love you if you behave in a way I think you should, or believe in those things I believe in. I understand you are truly my brother and my sister, though you may have been born in a different place and believe in another God than I.

The love I feel is for all of God's world. I know that every living thing is a part of God and I feel a Love deep within for every person, animal, tree and flower, every bird, river and ocean and for all the creatures in all the world.

I live my life in loving service, being the best me I can, becoming wiser in the perfection of Divine Truth, becoming happier in the joy of ...
Unconditional Love "

http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/unconditionallove.htm

I Wish

The other day I went into Paddington to get some makeup for my wedding. As I do not wear makeup very often and like a very natural look, I have been looking for a makeup artist and the right makeup. And after meeting a lovely beautician on Thursday night, my journey took me into Paddington.

I am not a big shopper and yet when I arrived at Paddington, I heard the faint whisper of a Part of me that said “I Wish”... I was shocked - the voice said “I Wish I was rich...” In a second I thought about how I would go to the day spa all the time for facials and massages and “I Wish I was rich to go into all of the fancy clothing boutiques” and ”I Wish I had the confidence to go into the fancy boutiques”. And then in an instant I thought “I Wish I was more beautiful”,” I Wish I had perfect skin”, ” I Wish I had perfect features”, “ I Wish I had beautiful long hair”, “I Wish I looked all dressed up and fancy like the ladies passing by me”.

I was very curious about this Part of me...

Normally I sit in a place of Gratitude and Thankfulness for all I am and all I have. Very big in my Awareness is the fact that so many people live in poverty and struggle for their basic needs or even just people who are affected by sickness and disabiity. And yet here I was wishing for more.

And it is not that I can’t afford clothes in those boutiques - maybe one or two pieces (maybe a scarf) if I made it a Priority - yet it actually comes back to the larger Part of me that does not really like shopping. And yet I have noticed that there is this Part of me that is become louder and wants to wear nice things and wear makeup and look pretty. For a long time I did competitive Running, it was always about being faster - short hair, skinny, Running shoes, Running clothes, Running, training, competing - very Masculine and Yang. I even remember a boyfriend at the time who grew sick of my tracksuits and wished I wore more skirts - I still remember him saying that to me. And after I hurt my back I started wearing shapeup joggers to help my back, and they do make a difference - and yet now I want different. Now my Feminine Part of me, my Yin, is coming more alive, back alive - where I am finding myself wanting to buy magazines, wear pretty blouses, wanting to paint my nails - and even travelling to Paddington to get the right makeup that is right for me.

These thoughts in my head of “I Wish” only lasted about one or two minutes. I was then able to return to the Part of me that knows I am so fortunate. And then I also sat in a Space of what is really most important to me - what “I Wish” for the most - “I Wish my Mum didn’t have cancer”, this is the big number one - and “I Wish we have a baby soon”, another big, very important Wish.

Being in the Space of “I Wish” made me think of the Serenity Prayer - “God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot Change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.” For me there are many things outside my control, some of the big things. And if my greatest ”I Wish” is about Family for me, I can continue to treat this as a Priority in my life.

And if I am finding my Spirit come alive and some excitement regarding matters of the Feminine, it does not mean that I have to get caught up in Consumerism, Materialism, Shopping - yet I can enjoy my trip to Paddington to buy makeup, I can buy and enjoy flicking through magazines, and I am really enjoying now that I am back again wearing more dresses, embracing my Feminine. And it doesn’t mean I have to spend a lot of money - I even enjoyed a look at St Vincent De Paul’s at Paddington and found a really nice designer blouse and also a dress - all for the total price of $18 - I was Excited. I don’t really care about the “designer” bit, although there was a Part of me quietly Proud as if I had bought it at full price - and the main Part of me loved the bargain. Mostly I always love the opportunity to be on a treasure hunt to see what surprises and delights me in second hand stores and I love the chance to Recycle and Reuse.

The “I Wish” related to the Feminine Part of me is loving colour and fabrics and fashion. My Spirit is highlighting that I could get back to sewing again - I remember with fond memories sewing clothes -back when I was about 16-20 years of age. I used to love sewing dresses and wearing them out. Perhaps a new hobby when the time is right. And I am also interested in expressing my creativity through photography - another hobby I once loved.

I am not going to say” I Wish I had more time”.   I know I have the power to manage my time so that I can focus on my Priorities and Values.

I just realised that if I stay in the “I Wish” Space for too long (more than a couple of minutes), I am almost sitting in powerlessness, almost waiting for someone to rescue me or make my dreams come true.

Instead if I use the “I Wish” Space as a window to when my Spirit comes alive and when I feel Inspired, I can decide if this is really my heart’s desire.  There is almost a childhood Innocence here -  I can ask my Innocence Part of me what I really want, and in the quietness listen to my inner voice.

For ages and always, since I have stopped Running over the last couple of years, whenever I see a runner, I always say to myself “I Wish I could run again”, and so today on my walk, I allowed my Self to enjoy a few minutes of Running, in between Walking, enough to make me feel the aliveness and Joy of Running. Wonderful!!!

From the “I Wish” Space I can also check to see what is underneath the “I Wish” and show Curiosity of how I can fulfil Needs for my Self, my Soul. As an example the “I Wish I was rich and I would go to day spas more often”, I know this for me is about yes being pampered, but most importantly just wanting time to relax and have “me time”.  And so this morning I made it a Priority to get up early and take a walk in nature, and this evening made time for a relaxing bath.

And so from the “I Wish” Space, which feels so distant and far away, I am able to move to a place of feeling Excited and Empowered.

Feeling Very Inspired

I am Feeling Very Inspired. I am Feeling Very Inspired for many reasons - Family, Love, Friends, Connection, Community, Service. 

Family - last night my Brother and Sister-In-Law and my three beautiful Nieces (who I call Princess, Gorgeous and Beautiful) came to visit. It was exciting as my Nieces tried on their Flower girl dresses for our Wedding - and they look wonderful - I love them so much. They make me smile. They bring me alive. I love their hugs and their kisses and spending time with them. I feel Inspired to be the best Aunty ever, to be the best person ever, to just be there with the people that I love.

Love - being in love is special and sacred - and I am very Grateful for My Man. He is loving and giving and supportive. I feel Inspired to be the best Wife. I love being at Home together - he is HOME to me. For Valentine’s Day I gave My Man some cubes - H O M E - I told him that it stood for Heart Open Mine Evermore. I also love when My Man buys me flowers - brightens our Home, brightens my day, my week.

 

Friends - today I saw my oldest and dearest Friend. It is hard to capture the words of how much this Friend means to me - my heart feels the fullness of my love for my Friend - a woman I have known for over 30 years, who is an incredible Inspiration to me. I am Inspired being in her Presence. I could write 1000 words about my Friend and tell 1000 stories - and yet the most important Truth is the reality that we have are both living with Joy and Happiness - and I love that my Friend has found her Calling and is so loving her work. And so important to me is that even though it has been a long time since we spent time together, today there was no distance - just closeness. And I walked away Inspired to spend more time with my Friend -with all my Friends. 

Connection Inspires me. 

Community - a big one for me. I am Excited that I have found my Community - another place where I feel at Home. One of my happiest times was when I was a part of my Running Community - I loved Running and what I loved the most was being a Member of a Community. When I attend Church I love that everyone is very warm and friendly, without an agenda, simply just loving people. I love the language of the Pastors and the messages that they share - I feel Inspired and Energised. Today’s message was about Community - encouraging each other, motivating each other, supporting each other, inspiring each other, embracing each other, getting beside each other, united not divided. The Pastor talks about our Community being a place of loving, caring, love, light, joy, light, laugher, a place that is “exciting”. He talks about releasing and refining, letting go so that we may become freer, so that we may become “extraordinary”, “so that we may be all that God has called and created us to be”. I usually get emotional at Church, seeing people caring and loving so deeply about each other. 

Service - I feel very Inspired every week and now I am very Inspired to be of greater Service - “Faith is an active word” were the words today. Now that I am a Life Coach, I am Inspired to Volunteer and be of Service to people in the Community, to my Community. I was also Inspired today to hear about two Members of the Community who have been away for a year building a school and Community in Cambodia - wow - I am Inspired.  This Husband and Wife Team talked about their experience in Cambodia - and he used the words Grateful and Contentment.  Each week when I go to Church I feel Inspired - and I love the Music.  I love these songs from today that speak to me 

- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk

- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WTvUsgGUtU&feature=related

I am Feeling Very Inspired. And now it is time to follow this Inspiration through to Action - and so I am planning to attend a Women's Vision Group this Wednesday and I am also looking at doing a Course. And each day I will ask, I will Pray “Please God show me how I can be of Service today”.

Community

The other day I was with at my Parents' home and we were reminiscing about the days when I was a Runner.  I loved Running.  I was a part of a Running Club and I loved my Community.  I loved being part of this Community.  For a long time Running was a major part of my life - my week days and weekends were dedicated to training and competing.  And I loved it.  I do miss my Running and hope to get back to Running after we have a Family.  And I also love that now I have discovered new Parts of my Self.

I was showing My Man my photos from my Running and I also found a piece of writing from 26 January 2001 - 10 years ago.  Here is what I wrote:

"MISSION STATEMENT FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS

My wish is that all people will become actively involved in, and enjoy the benefits of, true Community.

Community is where a group of two or more people, regardless of differences, are able to accept and transcend these differences, enabling them to work effectively towards common Goals.  In a true Community, members support and encourage one another.  It is a place where there is freedom to be oneself, where ideas, opinions, sorrows, joys and Dreams are shared.

I am so fortunate to be part of the Western District Joggers & Harriers Club, which is more than just a Running Club... we are a Community... a Community that makes a difference to people's lives week in and week out.  The Running Club Community which originated in mid 1967 with only a few members now has over 200 Members.  Our Running Club meets every Saturday morning at Lake Gillawarna, Georges Hall at 7:30am.  We are a Family Blub which promotes Health and Fitness, with our Members enjoying the benefits and good feelings associated with being a part of a true Community.

My wish is that every individual becomes involved and joins a Community - such as a sporting group, a social club, a volunteer organisation, a church group, or a hobby group - any place where you can meet up with other people who may have the same interest (even if the interest is based on a desire to meet new people and enjoy new friendships).  I believe that the benefits for the individual and society of building communities are immeasurable.

My wish is that everyone can be proactive in building Communities within all their day to day relationships - within their Marriages, Families, work environments, social groups, sporting groups, suburbs, cities and countries.

As individuals we can build Communities by:

- Doing what is right;

- Being open and honest in all our interactions;

- Encouraging, celebrating and accepting our Uniqueness and different opinions, thoughts and ideas;

- Listening and being genuinely interested in others;

- Learning from one another's experiences;

- Always doing the best you can, in all you do;

- Being personally committed to continuous improvement;

- Treating others, as you would like to be treated.

God gave us the best Gift of all - the Gift of free will - the ability to choose.  Each day we make Choices.  We can choose how we want to spend our time, who we want to be, our Attitude and how we act and react.

My wish is that today, on Australia Day, 26 January 2001, all individuals make a choice to take personal responsibility and make a Commitment, to being the best they can be, and to build Communities within all their relationships.

It only takes small changes as individuals - but together we can make a big difference in building a better world.

I hope my wish comes true."

I loved reading what I wrote 10 years ago - feeling Inspired and seeing that my Values and Philosophy are still very similar.  And for the last 6 months I have consciously been aware of my feeling of a lack of Community in my life, or rather, the desire for me to regain a sense of Community in my life.  I am Grateful that I have a strong sense of Belonging with my Family and now with My Man, and yet there is a Part of me longing to again be a Member of a broader Community.  The Journey of being a Member came out when I was working with my Coach last year.  And I also know in my Heart, that some of my happiest times was when I was part of my Running Community - it is a time that brought me such great joy. 

And I am Excited that I have found a Community that I am growing to love.  I feel so at home when I go to Church on a Sunday - Kingsway Community http://www.kingsway.org.au/Welcome. There is so much Spirit within this gathering of friends.  I am made to feel so welcome and at the same time given Space so that I am not overwhelmed or rushed to give more than I can.  I have been going on and off for about 2 years and it was only recently that I started going there again more frequently after being away for about 5-6 months.  When I went back to Church I was overwhelmed with this feeling of being at home, overwhelmed with being somewhere so special, so emotional that I was moved to tears - happy tears. 

I love being in Connection each week with new people and I really love the messages each week from the Pastors.  What I love is that the Pastor is able to make the bible readings very relevant for today.  I also love that what the Pastors talk about is very much in line with my work in Coaching.  I love the Kingsway Community Churchs' Mission and Vision - Refuge for Healing, River for Refreshment, Resource for Unity.  Just the other week one of the Pastors was talking about all people being in touch with their Uniqueness  in the divine plan - I loved listening and felt so Inspired after being at Church - especially since this is an area I am so Passionate about in working with my Clients - helping Clients connect to their own sense of Uniqueness and Greatness.  I also loved when one of the Pastors talked about Community as "sharing the joy of Hope".

I loved being at Church on Sunday.  I was actually Excited to be going, as I know I always enjoy the feeling of being in this Community.  This week at Church the Pastors talked about this year being a year of "letting go".  He talked about the verse in the bible from Hebrews 12:1-2 (ESV)  "since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" and used the metaphor of an Olympic Runner who is trying to run with a whole crate of lead and how he will be slower versus someone who is free.  He gave examples of "Everything that hinders:
    * Unfulfilled and unrealistic expectations
    * Disappointments/hurts/offences
    * Fear and insecurities, self-esteem issues
    * Apathy/laziness
    * Busyness
    * Accumulation/material obsession/worldly goals
    * Self reliance
    * Isolation/individualism
    * Programs
    * Belief systems
    * Health/fitness issues – physical/emotional/spiritual
    * Facades/masks
    * Unhealthy relationships
    * Demarcation
    * Control/pride
    * My agenda
    * Judgemental criticism
    * Disobedience
    * Comfort
    * Bitterness/unforgiveness
    * “Rights”/title/position."
I loved how the Pastor talked about Mindsets, Beliefs and Attitudes that slow us down and trip us up, and the importance of Perseverence.  I just love that the language that is used at the Church is in line with my life and my Beliefs and my Coaching.  I just love these words in one of the Pastor's Blog "The exciting thing in all of this is the goal … which is greater FREEDOM. Imagine for a minute what it would be like to be totally free … free from ‘every weight’ that slows you down, hinders your relationships, distracts your purpose, hampers your development, obstructs your growth and holds you back from being the extraordinary person God wants you to be for Him and His kingdom … NOW. The more we can get rid of these burdens, weights and loads from our life, the better and more effective we will be …  and the more fun we will have together."

I feel very Inspired to become more involved in this Community.  Whenever I go to Church I feel Inspired to Volunteer and now I feel Inspired to offer up my Gift of Coaching.  I am not sure in what form I will be involved - I would be happy to offer some Workshops and Coaching and I am Excited that I spoke with one of the Team Leaders last Sunday and will meet her for a cuppa and see if I can be of Service.  I was also very interested to hear about the Youth Programme the Church is running and may be able to offer Coaching to one of the teenagers.  I was amazed to hear that of the Youth going to a Youth Group on a Friday night, only 20% are from Families who go to the Church, 80% of the Youth are coming on their own, perhaps connecting to a sense of Spirituality for the first time.

I am Excited to have found a Community that I love.

I am also very interested in joining in the Community of Coaches that is being led by the Vision of one of my friends from College.  We are meeting in a few weeks and I am looking forward to hearing more about the Vision and Mission of this Community.  My wish is that I can combine my interest in being involved in the Community of Coaches with my desire to be more involved in my local Community.

What I love about my Church Community is that they are Local and offer so many great Programs for the Local Community, and they are also very Conscious and Connected to the Global Community.  And I love the music, I love the music - it is a chance to rejoice and be Grateful.  Here are some of the songs from last Sunday that I loved singing
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MKAzYJcWSY
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UJtuyY8v1g (very Inspired by the words of this song)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79055I6o-NQ

When I was a Member of my Running Club, I loved seeing friends week in and week out, being caring and supporting each other, being of Service in the Community as Club Captain, and also being of Service for the greater good (as we raised money for different charities).  My wish for my Self is that I become a true Member of a Community again, and I feel I am taking steps in the right direction.

Perfect

Perfect - Defined as:
- conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
- excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
- exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose
- entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings
- accurate, exact, or correct in every detail:
- expert; accomplished; proficient.

When do we start trying to be Perfect?  Is it when we are young and start school and try to get everything right so that we get some gold stars and be "good"?  Is it when we are teenagers and start comparing ourselves to other people in our class, stars on television, models in the magazines?  Is it when we start working and there is the pressure to know all the answers and act like we are great at every part of our job (especially since we try so hard at the interview to impress and 'act' like we will be Perfect for the role)?  Is it when we become Wives and fall 'victim' to the 'Perfect HouseWife Syndrome'?

I am about to become a Wife again and a big Part of me wants to be the Perfect HouseWife.

I remember years ago - years and years ago - when I bought my first home with a boyfriend, a man I thought I was going to marry.  I loved our house.  And I was keen to make it a home.  I wanted it to be Perfect.  After a few months, my boyfriend broke up with me - he said I was like 'Betty Crocker' and he wasn't ready to settle down, he wanted to travel and party and stay young - he wasn't ready.

And then years later I got married and my ex-husband was happy for me to be his Wife.  And I wanted to be Perfect.  And I struggled to be Perfect.  As a couple we were far from Perfect.  And in my Self I was searching to be Perfect, to find the Perfect career to make me happy.  And I had a lot of stuff - I remember that one of our bedrooms of our three bedroom home, the study, was a mess, and I would always quickly shut the door if we had visitors.  I hated that I wasn't Perfect.  And then the imperfections became  very clear as our marriage started falling apart and I started falling apart.  And this was a long time ago.

And now I am getting married again - and I can't wait!!!  It feels very different this time.  Last time, I remember 6 weeks before the wedding and I was worried about sending out the wedding invitations and I spent a lot of time thinking and justifying in my mind why I should get married - while my Intuition, my 'gut' feel, was yelling out to me - and I didn't take notice.  Now I pay attention to my Intuition and I am so Grateful that now every part of me knows that my marriage to be will be wonderful - our relationship is wonderful.  What I love about being with My Man most is that I can be Me.  I also love that I do not have to be Perfect.  And I love that My Man is Perfect to me.  We are both imperfectly Perfect.  We accept all Parts of each other. Our love is Perfect.  How Perfect that I can be my ImPerfect Self and be loved by My Man.

As a Coach I am always on the look out for my Clients' Perfectionists, who may be stopping my Clients from moving forward in achieving their Dreams.  In working with my Clients I help them access other Parts of Self so that they can set and achieve their Goals.

And so I ask my Self - what is the role of the Perfectionist in our lives?  What is the role of the Perfectionist in my life?  I know from my Training and experience that there is a Gift to every Part within our Self.  As I Dream about being a Perfect Wife I wonder what is the message here for me?

Just today I have been thinking about what I want to achieve before we get married - apart from having a Perfect Wedding Day.  I have set my Self some Goals that are important to me: 

- Clean my Study (so much paperwork and clutter)

- Organise my Superannuation

- Clean and organise and de-clutter my garage (again). 

Perhaps the Gift of my Perfectionist is that this Part of me is reminding me of what needs to be done to clear clutter and Create Space in my home and in my mind.  And it is easy to be motivated to achieve these Goals as I know that I will feel very happy.  I always feel good after housework - I actually enjoy cleaning.  Now it is time to make more time for our home and my personal finances - it is time to get done what is important to me -  to treat these as Priorities in my life. 

It is my Mum and Dad's 43rd Wedding Anniversary today - which is beautiful.  I feel bad that I am not the Perfect Daughter as I have had such a busy week and day that I forgot that today was their special day - and now I am justifying and finding excuses.  And I am happy that my Mum and Dad had a lovely day out today - that is most important - and so it doesn't matter if I wasn't Perfect in my own eyes - what is most Perfect is that I love my Mum and Dad so much and they love me.

I love that I have such wonderful role models of marriage from my Mum and Dad.  And I do think that my Mum and Dad are both Perfect.  And My Man and I will be Perfect in our own way, in our unique way.

And as I think about my upcoming marriage I do believe that things will be different - I want things to be different.  I know that I will feel different.  We have lived together for a year now and yet I know for me marriage is different.  Some people say that when they get married it is no different from living together.  And yet I know it will be different, I want it to be different.  Getting married for me is a very BIG deal, especially after I have been previously married and it did not work.  I believe that I will feel different.  And I want the exterior to also be different - and so I want to do a BIG clean up before we get married.  It has been challenging moving 2 x 2 bedroom homes into 1 unit - and that is just an excuse.

I think that I have been so against being Perfect, that I have been too Relaxed.  And I have loved the Relaxed Part of me - it lets me relax on the lounge and watch my favourite shows after having a busy day at work.  And now it is time to bring the Organiser Part of me onto the Stage of my life and help me achieve my Goals before I get married - and I don't have to be Perfect.

I need to remind my Self - I don't have to be Perfect.

I don't want to be like the women in 'Stepford Wives' - I just want to be My Self.

Now that I am a Life Coach, working with Clients to create a life that they Love, I often challenge my Self - shouldn't I be Perfect and have every area of my life at a 10 out of 10?  Sometimes this is what I ask my Self - and then I remind my Self that I do not have to be Perfect - that, like my Clients, I am also on a Journey and I am learning and growing.  What I can promise my Self and my Coaching Clients is that I am committed to Self-Reflection, Self-Awareness and Self-Development.  With this promise and knowing I can be less Perfect and more accepting and more loving to my Self.

Stop

Stop - that's what I need to do when I decide to eat chocolate.  I have to Stop eating chocolate!

Growing up I loved chocolate.  It was always a special treat on the day my Mum went shopping, where she would buy a block of chocolate or we would get some dairy milk rolls as a special treat.  And then at school, I loved eating strawberry freddos.  I always liked chocolate.  And then I became super serious with my running, and for a long time, maybe around 5-7 years, I didn't eat any chocolate or any sugar or any cakes or any treats.  I loved that I was so disciplined and I felt healthy in some ways - and in other ways my diet was so extreme that it was stressful, especially since I was also vegan.

And so I started becoming more flexible with my diet.  Now my preference is vegetarian, although I do eat fish.  And since I met My Man I started eating Lindt chocolate.  And yet the truth is that even though I like chocolate, every time I eat it, I feel sick.  I thought that it may be me feeling guilty that I was eating chocolate and yet I eat it so rarely that I do not feel guilty - I just feel sick.  I eat chocolate, I definitely enjoy the chocolate, and then within a short period of time I get a headache, stomach ache and my legs start aching - I then lie in bed feeling sick.  And often the next day I wake up with a chocolate hangover - feeling heavy and tired and sick.  And I know all of this, and I still, from time to time, maybe once a week or once a fortnight, decide to eat chocolate.

The last two nights I have had chocolate.  And it might not sound like a big deal, considering I don't eat chocolate very much - yet it is a big deal, given that it makes me feel sick - I feel that I am allergic to something in chocolate - and I know it, and I still eat it.  The good news is, that I haven't really had much chocolate since Christmas, and so I know it is not an addiction and I know I can give it up - and I want to Stop eating it - to best look after my Self.

And I am aware that eating chocolate or sweets can often be linked to our emotional state - and I have definitely had two huge and challenging days at work - and I am conscious of eating chocolate - and often it is because I like the taste, and then the delight is very quickly replaced with regret.

I've been reading 'The Best Year Of Your Life' by Debbie Ford, an amazing book, and I love the poem by Portia Nelson, which illustrates how we "keep engaging in the same behaviours over and over again".

- "I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street."


I love this poem.  I feel Inspired when I read the words.  And I could definitely relate to the words, particularly for previous relationships that did not serve me.  And now for chocolate.  It makes no sense to me why I continue to eat chocolate, even if it is only every now and then, when it moves me away from my preferred happy and healthy Self - and so I am making the commitment to Stop.

My Strategy is to make sure I pause before taking a piece of chocolate, and in that moment I will imagine a Stop sign - as well as projecting forward and remembering how unwell I will be if I eat the chocolate. 

I am also Excited that I am getting married in 8.5 weeks and I also plan to Visualise my Self in my Yellow Dress, as I want to feel my best.  As we are also trying for a baby, which is SO important to me, I am also planning to imagine keeping my body healthy and strong for our beautiful baby.

By writing this Post, I am showing all of me, including my imperfections  - which is interesting, as I have continued to eat chocolate every now and then so that I am not being so strict on my Self and not being too perfect.  In Coaching, I am often on the look out for the Perfectionist Part of my Clients that sabotage Self-Esteem and can affect our achieving of our Dreams - and yet I need to get real - eating chocolate does not serve me.  I am using this Space to detail my Goal of not eating any chocolate at all anymore, and to also hold my Self Accountable to my Self.

Of course I have also asked My Man for support and asked him not to offer me any chocolate or buy me any chocolate, and to also tackle me if I make my way to the fridge to have some of his chocolate.  Time for me to be focused and Stop.  It's that simple.  And instead of chocolate I will choose a peppermint tea which I always enjoy and makes me feel relaxed and at peace.

To Love and Be Loved

To Love and Be Loved - the Greatest Gift of all.  I feel VERY happy that in 9 weeks time I will be married to My Man.  We were originally planning to get married on 14 March 2011 and now we have had to move it back until 11 April 2011, due to the decision to move the ceremony to a different venue.  And I can't wait!!!

I am ready!!! 

When My Man and I were engaged I felt very happy and in love.  It was the most wonderful day - a day to always be remembered - a day of dreams coming true.  My Man is very romantic and thoughtful and makes a big effort for me - he is wonderful - I am blessed.  For as long as I can remember I have always been a true romantic - I have always been looking for my True Love.  I just love romantic movies, songs, and for every television show, I am always most interested in the developing relationships and wanting people to fall in love. 

And so when we got engaged, it was so perfect - yet it wasn't long before the Shadow Parts of me began to surface, where I started feeling unsure, with worries from my previous experience of marriage.  It was no surprise when I started having doubts.  After a failed marriage and me being unwell, I actually expected that I would start feeling the Runner Part of me wanting to run away, especially after I had also been engaged to another man after my failed marriage (and ran away).  Luckily the bigger Part of me, this time, wants to stay (and now I choose to stay and thrive) forever.

Lucky for me, I have a WONDERFUL Mentor and Coach, who helped me get in touch with what I want most of all - to marry My Man.  I love Coaching and I am Grateful that I have experienced the power of Coaching.  Through Coaching with my Coach I was able to get in touch with the voice of my Innocence, allowing the Caretaker Part of me to listen closely to the Innocence Part of me.

And then once I knew the Truth, my Truth, my deepest desire To Love and Be Loved, to marry My Man, it was then the role of the Warrior Part of me to protect my Truth, from other Parts of me.  So many Parts trying to come onto the stage of my life.

I also love that my beautiful Coach helped me step into my Creator energy.  When I was in a place of doubt and uncertainty, I was also in a place of powerlessness, an energy I felt when I was previously married, a time of sadness and depression and hopelessness.  Through Coaching I was able to regain a sense of feeling empowered, that there are always choices - and most importantly that My Man and I can tap into the Creator Parts within us to Create our own unique and special relationship.  A big THANK YOU to my Coach, a woman who has made a big difference in my life, a woman who Inspires me.

I love the Creator Part of me.  I love the Creator Part within us all and love helping Clients find this Part within Self.  How exciting to realise that we have the power to make choices, to Create a wonderful life that is right for our own Self, to write our own unique stories.

And so after being Coached by an incredible Coach, I have been able to get in touch with what is true for me, and what I've known for so long, that My Man is the right Man for me.  I am very in love and can't wait to be Husband and Wife.  The other Parts of me, the different voices of my internal dialogue, that were causing me unnecessary doubt, are no longer around me - I am so happy that I am marrying My Man.

As well as a change in the ceremony venue, we have also decided to get married in a Church.  Our Priest is lovely - and I feel so honoured that he will marry us.  In the last couple of days I have been searching for music to play at our wedding and I have found some beautiful songs.  I have found this beautiful song which we may play for walking down the aisle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sE40VAIpfI and a beautiful song for when we sign our certificates http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5qp0FQWq2M

There is still much to do and yet I feel relaxed - and that is a wonderful surprise for me.  I was watching 'Packed To The Rafters' tonight, a show I love, and one of the characters Ben was making a speech at his friend's engagement party and he said these words that definitely resonated with me "two best friends who make a life together no matter what the future brings".

I can't wait to get married!!!

Listen To Your Heart

It has been a busy weekend planning our wedding - tomorrow it will be 7 weeks until our big day.  Planning our wedding has been an interesting exposure to many key learning opportunities for me - one of the main reminders for me is about the importance to Listen To Your Heart. 

In planning a wedding, there are so many decisions to be made - it is actually a great exercise in decision making.  It is interesting that over the course of my life I have always viewed myself as someone who is indecisive, believing that it is a trait of me being of Libra starsign.  I have even completed management courses on decision making and yet for a long time I have struggled with making decisions, even believing that I have made so many bad decisions, wrong decisions, and I have found it humorous that I still make bad decisions after studying the process through courses and reading books.

I have previously thought that one process of decision making was to get out a piece of paper and write down all of the pros and cons, the for and against - and through this process, what seems to be the obvious decision "should" appear (this is the theory).  And yet often this is a process that just involves thinking, not always how we are feeling.  A good example of this process is when in the 'Sex and the City: The Movie' Miranda and Steve separate and Miranda is deciding if she should reconcile the marriage and she spends time writing her list.  It is interesting that this does not reveal the truth to her - it is only when she listens to herself, her heart, her own Truth that she races to meet her Husband on Brooklyn Bridge and they kiss and express how much they love each other.

Through my Coaching Course and over the last two years I have learnt the fail proof way to make decisions, it is such a simple process, a simple Truth, a Truth that I am still practicing and perfecting and a Truth I want to share with My Man, Family, Friends - very much with my Clients.  THE TRUTH - Decision Making 101 - Listen To Your Heart.

I don't know when we stop listening to our own Heart, perhaps when we go to school and we start learning all of these facts and figures and there is so much emphasis on thinking and using our minds.  Or is it when we start high school and we experience peer pressure and "try hard" to fit into the crowd.  Or is it through reading all of the magazines and watching all of these advertisements and we strive for perfection according to what "they" say - always trying to please others.  No wonder we get confused and lose a sense of ourselves.

As you Listen To Your Heart, it is definitely not a process of thinking - it is a process of feeling, listening, sitting in the quietness - what is our gut feel, what is the feeling in our body - and it is in the quietness we can hear the call of our Soul - it is in the spaciousness that we can feel Spirit rising.

One of the main areas of my Coaching work is helping Clients get in touch with their own Truth and to live from this place.  I love my work as a Coach, it is so rewarding.  It is also very important to me that I am an Integral Practitioner, that I live my own Truth and apply what I am learning.

My wedding has been a great opportunity to practice being true to my Self.  When it comes to a wedding, everyone has an opinion of how it "should" be done, what is expected - and there are so many magazines (beautiful images) that draw us in - and it is easy to get caught up with the excitement and wanting the day to be perfect.  And of course there is nothing wrong with wanting it to be perfect in our own way.

Today I had a tough moment with my Mum.  I love my Mum so much, my Mum is my best friend.  I worry about my Mum and I am so Grateful that my Mum is feeling well and that she will be with us to celebrate our special day.  Today my Mum came over to look at my dresses - I have 2 dresses that have been hanging in my cupboard as potential wedding dresses.  There is the cream lace wedding dress that is beautiful and that my Mum loves - and I like.  And there is my very special Yellow gown that I LOVE.  I showed my Mum my Yellow gown with my beautiful brooch and my beautiful shoes that I bought yesterday (I love my shoes - I finally get how Carrie in 'Sex and the City' feels so much love of shoes - it is true they make my dress more beautiful).  As soon as I put on my Yellow dress I felt magical, I felt special, I felt alive, I felt confident, I felt beautiful, I felt ME.  My Mum liked the dress - more than she had the first time she had seen it - and I felt we had turned a corner.  Unfortunately I made the mistake of trying on the other lace dress, after my Mum asked me to try it on - and then I saw the look in my Mum's eyes - she liked the lace dress more - best of all.  For me the lace dress is beautiful and yet I do not feel it is the right dress for me.  I took off the dress, put it in the bag and felt disappointed and upset, very disappointed.  My Mum also looked sad and said that she was just telling me her opinion.  I told my Mum that I loved my Yellow dress, that this was right for me, that this felt right for me.  I told my Mum that she had raised me to be an individual, to be my own person and most of all I wanted my Mum to say that most of all she just wanted me to be happy and to wear the dress that made me happy.

I felt sad that my Mum was upset.  It made me very sad.  And yet I know that wearing the dress I love on our wedding day is just a symbol of my decision to live my own Truth, to follow this sacred principle of Listen To Your Heart.  And I do believe that by listening to my Heart and following my Truth, that this is Inspired by God - forever and always encouraging me to be true to my Self, to be my Self, loving me for my Self.

After my Mum left I played one of my favourite songs - 'Who Are You Listening To' Ginny Owens
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqEbOaD3Qa8
I love these words -
"This is your life,
And yet somehow,
They decide,
What you're about,
You learn your lines,
And take your cues,
But who are you listening to?

You change your clothes,
And how you speak,
You place your hope,
In what they think,
Before you know
There's no more you,
Who are you listening to-
Have you noticed how much you fear,
All the voices you choose to hear

Who are you listening to?
Who tells you what to do?
Who rules your thoughts at night?
Whose rules define your life?
Oh, you know it's up to you,
So who are you listening to

This is your life,
You have no choice,
You will rely
On someone's voice,
And it's all right
To question who,
Who are you listening to?
Do the words that you believe
Set your soul and spirit free

There's a quiet voice,
Whispering in your heart,
It's been there all along,
It believes in you,
It will tell the truth,
Can't you hear it call?" 

I love this song.

About 10 minutes after my Mum left, I received a call from my Mum.  My Mum told me that she liked my Yellow dress - I was overcome with emotion hearing my Mum's voice and don't really remember the exact words.  I told my Mum that I loved her and my Mum said "I love you and that's why I want you (don't think it was that exact word) to wear the dress that makes you happy".  I could hear my Mum was emotional and was crying ((unlike my Mum (not very unlike me, I am often getting emotional, including now as I watch'Australia')).

Our wedding is 7 weeks away tomorrow and there are still decisions to be made and I am committed to listening to my Heart and loving My Man as we work together to create our special day - and that's another lesson for me - in relationship, the importance of staying true to my Self AND also listening to, and honouring, what makes My Man happy.  It is true that in the planning of our wedding, I am learning so much, and practicing skills that will serve us forever and always in our relationship.

It is now 12.01am Monday - now it is today - 7 weeks away will be our day.