Building Bridges

Decision making - I thought I had it sorted now - I thought I was getting in tune with my Intuitive Yin and then getting my Action Yang part of me to make it happen.  I had been so sure that the right decision for me was to move away from a permanent room booking for my Coaching Business and just rent rooms at times suitable to my Clients.  I was sure.  Or so I thought.

This morning I went to the Bookstore to pick up my Yellow coffee table that I keep at the Bookstore and it was wonderful at this time of the morning.  I love books and there were books everywhere as the Manager was setting up the store.  I went upstairs to collect my table and I felt a sense of magic and mystery and energy.  When I looked into the room, where I had been setting up every Friday, I sensed stillness and peace and there was natural light coming through the corner window.  I felt like I was saying goodbye to a friend when I shut the door.  I said Goodbye to the Manager, and I had a sense that I didn't want to shut the door. 

As soon as I got to my car I had a sense, a strong feeling, that I had made the wrong decision.  It was wonderful that I now had access to space at a local Physiotherapy Clinic, which increases my flexibility in terms of times I can offer to my Clients, and yet was I closing a door (and still trying to keep open a window at the Bookstore by saying that I would like to talk about other ideas and opportunities)?  I was confused.

As I am writing this I am getting a sense that my Yang may be coming on too strong.  I had abandoned the Yang Business Corporate part of me when I was made redundant - and for the past 7 weeks I have been trying to get reacquainted with my Yang, falling back in love with my Yang.  When I left my room last Friday I was very happy with the Bookstore and my room and yet over the weekend I went into the Shadow of Overthinking (on the Yang side) and then Overemotional and Global (on my Yin side).  It is my Shadows that are creating confusion.

Today when I got home from Cronulla I wanted to call back the Bookstore straight away, and I decided to just sit for 15 minutes in Meditation.  A similar image from Wednesday's Meditation came into my mind's eye - where there are two cliffs, going right down, and I am being held in the middle - held, no panic, I am being held in the hands of the Universe.  It is a comforting image - I do not have a fear of falling down into the depths - I feel safe.  In the Meditation today I have a sense of me Building Bridges - one for the Bookstore, one for the Physiotherapy, and just the need for me to keep Building Bridges around me and a sense of more people coming as I build more bridges.  WOW!!  This works for me.

I also remember my Connection with one of the Trees that I love at Gunnamatta Bay, and I remember when I had my hand on the heart of this beautiful Tree that the wind was so strong, and I was being encouraged to stay grounded and stay strong and not to let the wind blow me off course.

My Yin hears my Soul, my Yang ACTION part of me picks up the phone and I tell the Manager that I would still like to pay for space on a Friday.  The Manager is lovely on the phone and she says that I can have the weekend to think about it.  I am happy to make the decision now and I realise that I have to show Commitment and stay grounded in this space.  I was led to the Bookstore by my Intuition and then my Shadows surfaced and led me away, only for a brief moment.

When I am on the phone to my Mum, my Justifier Shadow is in full force, explaining, reinforcing, justifying my decision - my Mum picks this up straight away, and then I justify my justifying and we have a laugh!!!  I then realise the strengths of the Overthinker and Justifier where I am able to listen to their voices of concern and make some changes that would make me feel comfortable.

I have another chat with the Manager from the Bookstore and she is helpful with ideas to help grow my Business.  I offer that I may be able to leave some of my gear down at the Bookstore which would be easier than carting everything back and forth and she is happy with that idea.  I also mention that I will come to the Bookstore when I have a Client and use the other time working on my Business.  It was a great conversation and she offers to include me in the Newsletter this month and once again offers ideas.

I enjoy some Art Therapy and I enjoy feeling into the sense of being held between the cliffs and enjoy the imagery of me Building Bridges.  I feel that the Bridges are just new and yet they are weak and with time they will become stronger.  I also have a sense that from these Bridges will come life and growth -  I love this feeling of a tree growing and new leaves and branches - and this all happening from me Building Bridges. 

I enjoy my second drawing.  I wish I could draw or paint and yet I always have fun with my Art Therapy.  As I am beginning my second drawing, the following words come to me -"Wherever I AM I CAN BRING LIGHT" - I love these words. 

In my second drawing, there is less emphasis on the space where I work, less attachment to rooms.  I have a sense that I can work at rooms in the Bookstore, at the Physiotherapy Clinic, outdoors in Nature in the park, by the ocean, in any room - and "Wherever I AM I CAN BRING LIGHT".  I have the sense that the most powerful dynamic is the Coaching Relationship and I just need the space to bring this alive.  In this picture the rooms and space opportunities and possibilities are in the centre and yet there is more emphasis now on the magic and mystery on the outside and for me to be out in Community to Spread The Yellow and keep Building Bridges.

When I was just in moments of silence, not thinking, I had an insight that this was never a choice between the Bookstore permanent room or the flexible room at the Physio Clinic - instead I can be in Celebration that I now have more space available to build my Business.

I practice Coaching on myself and I practice Visualisations.  I Visualise my Business in September where my Goal is to be working with 5-7 Coaching Clients per week - in my Visualisation I see myself in the room in the Bookstore and I feel Excited that I am working with Clients.  Another time, I close my eyes and I am guided to Helicopter up and look at this from a new view, I feel happy in this space.

While I am a Coach and I am trained to facilitate Coaching with others - this experience shows me that I am only human, and that I am on my own Journey.  I feel that I am still getting to know all parts of myself, getting to know the main parts of myself being Yin and Yang, and that I need to continue to be a Witness to myself and look out for those parts in my Shadows and welcome them back into the light.  I also have to face my fears - rather than running away, I need to stand strong and stay grounded.  I feel that there is a lesson and perhaps something deeper going on for me here - and I enjoy talking with my Mum today about what I was like as a teenager, about myself now, and in terms of similarities to my Mum.  I love 'Soulcraft' and there are so many wonderful words - I love this paragraph -
"...opening to your sacred wound allows you to genuinely fall in love with yourself.  You come to see yourself so deeply you form an intimate relationship with the person you most truly are.  What's more, you recover a treasure to carry into life, and thereby contribute to the redemption of the world - your family, community, and species." 

Today I am Inspired to connect with an image of my Goddess - an image that feels right and that I can recapture in my mind's eye.  I search Google images and then I find a beautiful art gallery of beautiful Goddess artwork http://www.josephinewall.co.uk/goddesses.html

There are so many beautiful images and then I find the one that resonates with me - this is my Goddess.

I love this image - this beautiful Goddess - being in the moment - in Communion with Nature, Light and Glowing.  This Goddess is within me, and I can choose to bring her to life.

I feel Inspired today and I am happy - it helps that my Mum is in good spirits and we enjoyed a really great phone conversation chatting together.  My Mum tells me I just need to be true to myself, that we are all different and that I just have to be myself.  My Mum also tells me to enjoy every day, enjoy every moment.  I wish my Mum had the Internet at home - my Mum has always said that I am a great writer (my Mum loves me), and I know my Mum would love reading my Blog. 

I am also happy that we now have hot water and I enjoyed a hot bath tonight (ENJOYED!!) - and now I am happy to be at home with my Man and watching a love story that I love.  I am Grateful for the Gifts of today.

Keep It Real

It is cold.  It is so cold.  I am sitting here in my layers of jumpers and a scarf and a tracksuit, with a heater and my rug.  

It took me a long time to get to sleep last night, my thoughts were racing.  And then again this morning.  I tried a Meditation and yet my mind was way too busy.  And so I reluctantly got out of bed, and  enjoyed a hot shower (probably the last one for a while, as our hot water has now shifted to warm water - I am disappointed as I was looking forward to another hot bath). I then enjoyed some Art Therapy - just getting out my textas and crayons and blank paper.  I am certainly not an artist and yet I enjoy just playing, letting thoughts and feelings in my unconscious mind come to the surface.  I love the opportunity to express my inner experience.  Here are my drawings from this morning - the first one is a current reality regarding my current room for my Coaching Business and the second image is my desired reality.  

As I share these images and write these words, I get a sense of 'should I share so much' - and yet, it is interesting that my theme for today has been to Keep It Real.  I have realised, quite to my surprise, that although I am Committed to being honest and true and authentic, I have realised that I am not entirely happy with where I am setting up my Coaching Business.  This is a surprise, as I have been saying how much I love my Coaching space.  My strength of being naturally happy and positive and looking at the sunny side of everything may be getting in my way.  I do love that I am starting my Coaching Business.  I ldo love setting up my room.  And yet I feel that there is not enough natural light in my room, I love natural light.  I also feel that I am isolated - whereas my desired reality is to be working in a Community of healers.  I feel that I am needing to work hard at bringing the light and energy into the room.  Perhaps it is just the rainy weather - and yet when I draw an image of my desired reality, it is naturally a place of light and energy and it is dynamic with other healers working in a Community.  I am in a room with natural light.  There is less need for me to fill the space with "stuff" - there is space for the power and energy of the relationship.  

Hmm... this is all very surprising to me.  Time to sit with this insight, do some research on other opportunities within the Bookstore or within the local area. 

I really love Art Therapy - I take away the pressure of having to produce artwork and let myself enjoy the process.  I look up Art Therapy and I read on Wikipedia -
"Purpose of Art Therapy - The purpose of art therapy is much the same as in any other psychotherapeutic modality: to improve or maintain mental health and emotional well-being. But whereas some of the other expressive therapies utilize the performing arts for expressive purposes, art therapy generally utilizes drawing, painting, sculpture, photography, and other forms of visual art expression. For that reason art therapists are trained to recognize the nonverbal symbols and metaphors that are communicated within the creative process, symbols and metaphors which might be difficult to express in words or in other modalities. By helping their clients to discover what underlying thoughts and feelings are being communicated in the artwork and what it means to them, it is hoped that clients will not only gain insight and judgment, but perhaps develop a better understanding of themselves and the way they relate to the people around them. According to Malchiodi (2006) 'Art making is seen as an opportunity to express oneself imaginatively, authentically, and spontaneously, an experience that, over time, can lead to personal fulfilment, emotional reparation, and transformation. The creative process can be a health-enhancing and growth-producing experience.'"

After the Art Therapy I feel tired - I have a lie down - it is rainy outside - not much to do - I decide to just rest.  My Man is lovely and he buys us lunch and then I enjoy reading on the Couch - reading my wonderful 'Soulcraft' book - WONDERFUL!  There are some beautiful paragraphs that speak to me - especially since I feel that since being made redundant I was given the chance to hear the Call To Adventure
- "The angels have arrived to summon you to the adventure for which you have longed.  They are your guides to your Soul.  But the opportunity does not arrive in the form you had imagined.  It arrives in the middle of an enormous storm: now the immense loneliness begins."

- "Why an immense loneliness?  In surrendering the mainstays of your former worldview and separating yourself from everyday community life, your old anchors and familiar reference points disappear.  You will have to rely on yourself more deeply and fully than ever before.  You will have to surrender the cherished belief that someone is going to protect you, save you, do the work of growing for you, or show you the way.  The descent necessarily begins with an immense loneliness, and only someone who possesses the skills required to complete a first house of personality ('the worldview you began forming in the expansive growing season of adolescence and that carried you through your first adulthood') - only that person is going to be ready to handle that degree of loneliness.  Although the knock on the door does not require you to be alone per se, it does require you to go your own way."

- "Once you have been called, you will have to separate - psychologically if not physically - from the ordinary life of your community.  During your young adulthood, you had some confidence in your personality and you felt you could trust the powers of nature.  Now... your life becomes 'a riddle again, and you again a stranger' - to yourself and others.  You will have to relinquish your temptation to conform or to seek acceptance from others.  You will have to go out on your own."

I could lie on the couch and read all afternoon - and yet I love being outdoors.  My Man and I decide to enjoy a walk outside  together - despite the rain.  We equip ourselves with a large umbrella and enjoy a lovely walk together - we have a lovely time.  We walk to Cronulla and enjoy a chai - I love being in Cronulla.  I feel this is where my Coaching Business belongs - this is where I belong.  My Man and I walk through Gunnamatta Park - I just love Gunnamatta.  I just love being out in Nature.

Gunnamatta Park has an amphitheatre and when I walk past this outdoor amphitheatre, I often think of a key message that I would present if I was the one on stage.  The other day I had a sense that the message I should present would be 'Make Your Life Great'.  Today I stand on the stage and it feels very real standing on the stage - what would be my key message if there were people in the crowd?  I look around - the message is obvious - Keep It Real.

I love being outdoors and in Nature.  This is so important to me - HUGE for me.   I love witnessing the beauty of Tress.  I love seeing Birds flying and listening to their songs.  I am blessed to be surrounded by such beauty.  I am Inspired when I am in Nature.  I love starting my day Walking around the Bay and through the Park and to the beach.  I am blessed.  I am Grateful.

When I get home I have a sense that there is a book with a message - words that will speak to me.  I scan my bookcases - shelf by shelf - wanting something to jump out - and I then pick up a few books that I thought (rather than felt) would contain some words of wisdom.  I flicked through a few pages and yet no words spoke to me.  So I get comfortable again on the couch and start reading 'Soulcraft'.  Within minutes I read the words I need to hear - powerful words -
"... anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you."

WOW!!!  These words raise questions for me - does my room bring me alive?  Or am I bringing it to life?   I close my eyes and almost have an image of me shrinking - is it taking away my energy?   

 

Perhaps I am also attaching too much importance to having a room, booking a room every week, making sure I have space and belong.  Perhaps the real adventure belongs in letting go of certainty, being free and just having a few options available and trusting that the Clients will come and see me - that the power is not in the room.  I do believe that the power of Coaching, the magic, is in the power of the relationship.

I am concerned that I am paying money every week and just sitting waiting for Clients.  Instead, if I am honest, and to Keep It Real, my preference would be to have a room or two available where I pay for the space when I see a Client.  This would mean that I would be free to be in Community, meeting people who may be Clients or be able to refer Clients, as well as designing Programs from my notes - working on my business - rather than just sitting in my business.  I just need to Keep It Real and spend some time, tuning into my Yin, and using the strength and confidence of my Yang. 

In true Yang style I decide that I will write a list of what is important to me (some of my findings from my Art Therapy and insights after writing this Blog) and then I will see whether the current space is the best place, as well as exploring other options.  Most importantly, I just love working with people.  I am very passionate about wanting to help people move towards a life they love - and so I want to work in an environment where I am not isolated - a place that is dynamic and energetic and there is the potential for people to be referred to me (as other healers know that I am Committed to working with my Clients so that they may feel Successful, Happy, Inspired, New, Energetic, Empowered).

Tonight I Keep It Real - I ask my Man if he will take me to Woolworths so that I can buy some Clinkers, the last chocolate for a while, and now I am having a glass of wine.  Tomorrow, 24 May 2010, I start my Detox - with Health being a HUGE Priority for me.  This will be easy for me - my greatest desire is to have my own Baby and so I am choosing Self-Care.  No matter where this Journey may lead, Self-Care will always be important - as well as my Commitment to Keep It Real.

Feeling Blue

I have been Feeling Blue - Yellow is always close to me and within easy reach - yet today I have been okay to sit with Feeling Blue - to just Surrender to it.  It would have been easy for me to get busy and run towards the Light - yet I have been okay with being Blue - at least for today.   Yesterday I woke up and had to find some Inspiration - I am noticing a pattern - so today I just allow myself, to make it okay, to honour my Feeling Blue.

I woke up in pain with my back and I had a headache - I definitely didn't feel well enough to go to work - and this is not good - work is important to me - I don't like letting my Boss down when I know he has scheduled me on a Project - and my need for the security of my pay is also high.  Yet today I choose Self-Care and decided to just rest and indulge myself in Blue.  I even gave a friendly directive to my Man that he doesn't have to cheer me up - that it is okay if I'm feeling Blue today.  My Man still took one of the pink roses from my vase of VERY beautiful roses (that he bought for me yesterday) and handed it to me and gave me a kiss. 

I look through 'The Blue Day Book' by Bradley Trevor Greive (that sits on my bookshelf) - great images they make me smile.

In my Feeling Blue today - there is a blankness, a feeling of no emotion, no energy, no excitement, no Yellow.  And so I honour this feeling of Blue - after breakfast I go back to bed for Meditation - I fall asleep, no alarm set, I just trust what my body needs right now.  There is so much that I could have done today - I read a few pages of a book and watched a bit of TV.  My Yang likes to be productive and get things done - yet my Yin is happy for quiet and rest as I am not feeling motivated or inspired or energised. 

I am so Feeling Blue that I even Google 'blue images' -

My Yin is enjoying this time - and then I am Inspired to look up bluebird - my Yin emotional part of me remembers having a bracelet with bluebirds -

My Yin is Inspired to get out the pencil case and paper and I do some Art Therapy for myself - I use every Blue crayon, pencil and texta that I have - as well as a black and then a yellow crayon.  I cannot draw - I am not an Artist - yet Art Therapy is fun - I actually love it - I can just colour and do what I want - there is no Judge here - I just draw from an emotional, spiritual level.

Whenever I am Feeling Blue, it is sometimes so reassuring - it reminds me that I am human and grounds me.  Feeling Blue also helps me in always having empathy for others - I do not believe that we can explain or Judge the emotions of another - or even Judge or disown our own Feelings.  Whenever I am Feeling Blue, I am very conscious of not falling down the black hole - I have been deep in the black hole before - a long time ago - another lifetime away - yet I remember - and this is what has brought me to Coaching - wanting to catch people before they fall down the black hole.  As I sit in Feeling Blue, I am very conscious of so much Yellow so close to me.


I find a drawing from my Man that he had previously drawn for me - this does make my heart sing.

I decide to go and rest - Meditation calls me...

WOW!!!  Something shifts in me after the Meditation - I feel much lighter - I feel surrounded by Light. 

In the Meditation I was able to witness, sense some beautiful images.  I had a sense that at first I was like a blue foetus, alone, all alone, a sense that I am separate to the world. 

And then I had this sense and visual of me standing up and rays of Light were coming through me and around me and the Yellow rays came within and I was Yellow and blue and then the Yellow and blue became green and then pink whirled around and through me, around me - it was incredible - I was connected to everything - the Universe, Light and Energy surrounded me, flowed to me, flowed through me, THE UNIVERSE IS THERE FOR ME.  After my Meditation, I look up images, these come close (yet so far) to the images of my experience (and I hold the image in my mind's eye). 

                       

                       

         

I then had a sense of looking over at the blue foetus and loving the blue foetus, this part of me, the part that is alone - and the blue foetus part of me, opens up and holds out its hands, my hands, my hands holding a heart. 

I then had an image of my Coaching logo, realising that I am not alone, that it is not only about me giving out my energy - yet that I am surrounded and loved by the Universe and that I will be guided and held in a space of Light to bring my dream to life.

This experience was AMAZING. I have heard others talk about such sensations and visuals - and how wonderful to experience this sense of Joy and Connection and Energy.

After my Meditation I feel ALIVE.  I look at the Artwork for my Flyer with fresh eyes.  I have been so in Yang mode, trying to get this 'done', getting quotes from different flyers, ACTION, ACTION - that I had abandoned some of my Yin.  I print out my Business Card and my Flyer and my Yin feels emotionally connected - my Yin intuitively knows that I can approve the Flyer Artwork.  I am excited as despite all the different quotes and that (unfortunately) printing on recycled paper is more expensive, this is not a difficult decision for me - I am committed to making business decisions that minimise the harm on Mother Earth - I email the Artwork to the printer and I can't wait to get my Flyers.  I can't wait to Spread The Yellow through my Coaching.

I feel that the Universe has given me the opportunity today to rest and relax.  I am Grateful that I didn't ignore or race away from my Feeling Blue - I actually enjoyed the quiet time, hanging on the couch time.  After my Meditation, I am also feeling less pain in my back.  The Meditation was so powerful.  I love to witness my emotions shifting naturally - without the need to force myself back to Yellow.

I have my energy back.  I am excited when I get a knock on the door - knowing it is my Box of Fruit and Vegetables that I ordered from a local Organic company.  It is a mystery box - a surprise!! And I am delighted - love that there is plenty of fresh fruit and love that there is broccoli, my favourite.

I make a Vegetarian pasta dish - happy!!!  And now I watch "Australia's Got Talent" - GREAT SHOW!  I just love to see people Passionate about what they are doing, committed to their Passion, giving it a go - and I loved the words of one of the contestants, a beautiful opera singer - love these words - "IT'S MY TIME NOW"...