I Wish

The other day I went into Paddington to get some makeup for my wedding. As I do not wear makeup very often and like a very natural look, I have been looking for a makeup artist and the right makeup. And after meeting a lovely beautician on Thursday night, my journey took me into Paddington.

I am not a big shopper and yet when I arrived at Paddington, I heard the faint whisper of a Part of me that said “I Wish”... I was shocked - the voice said “I Wish I was rich...” In a second I thought about how I would go to the day spa all the time for facials and massages and “I Wish I was rich to go into all of the fancy clothing boutiques” and ”I Wish I had the confidence to go into the fancy boutiques”. And then in an instant I thought “I Wish I was more beautiful”,” I Wish I had perfect skin”, ” I Wish I had perfect features”, “ I Wish I had beautiful long hair”, “I Wish I looked all dressed up and fancy like the ladies passing by me”.

I was very curious about this Part of me...

Normally I sit in a place of Gratitude and Thankfulness for all I am and all I have. Very big in my Awareness is the fact that so many people live in poverty and struggle for their basic needs or even just people who are affected by sickness and disabiity. And yet here I was wishing for more.

And it is not that I can’t afford clothes in those boutiques - maybe one or two pieces (maybe a scarf) if I made it a Priority - yet it actually comes back to the larger Part of me that does not really like shopping. And yet I have noticed that there is this Part of me that is become louder and wants to wear nice things and wear makeup and look pretty. For a long time I did competitive Running, it was always about being faster - short hair, skinny, Running shoes, Running clothes, Running, training, competing - very Masculine and Yang. I even remember a boyfriend at the time who grew sick of my tracksuits and wished I wore more skirts - I still remember him saying that to me. And after I hurt my back I started wearing shapeup joggers to help my back, and they do make a difference - and yet now I want different. Now my Feminine Part of me, my Yin, is coming more alive, back alive - where I am finding myself wanting to buy magazines, wear pretty blouses, wanting to paint my nails - and even travelling to Paddington to get the right makeup that is right for me.

These thoughts in my head of “I Wish” only lasted about one or two minutes. I was then able to return to the Part of me that knows I am so fortunate. And then I also sat in a Space of what is really most important to me - what “I Wish” for the most - “I Wish my Mum didn’t have cancer”, this is the big number one - and “I Wish we have a baby soon”, another big, very important Wish.

Being in the Space of “I Wish” made me think of the Serenity Prayer - “God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot Change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.” For me there are many things outside my control, some of the big things. And if my greatest ”I Wish” is about Family for me, I can continue to treat this as a Priority in my life.

And if I am finding my Spirit come alive and some excitement regarding matters of the Feminine, it does not mean that I have to get caught up in Consumerism, Materialism, Shopping - yet I can enjoy my trip to Paddington to buy makeup, I can buy and enjoy flicking through magazines, and I am really enjoying now that I am back again wearing more dresses, embracing my Feminine. And it doesn’t mean I have to spend a lot of money - I even enjoyed a look at St Vincent De Paul’s at Paddington and found a really nice designer blouse and also a dress - all for the total price of $18 - I was Excited. I don’t really care about the “designer” bit, although there was a Part of me quietly Proud as if I had bought it at full price - and the main Part of me loved the bargain. Mostly I always love the opportunity to be on a treasure hunt to see what surprises and delights me in second hand stores and I love the chance to Recycle and Reuse.

The “I Wish” related to the Feminine Part of me is loving colour and fabrics and fashion. My Spirit is highlighting that I could get back to sewing again - I remember with fond memories sewing clothes -back when I was about 16-20 years of age. I used to love sewing dresses and wearing them out. Perhaps a new hobby when the time is right. And I am also interested in expressing my creativity through photography - another hobby I once loved.

I am not going to say” I Wish I had more time”.   I know I have the power to manage my time so that I can focus on my Priorities and Values.

I just realised that if I stay in the “I Wish” Space for too long (more than a couple of minutes), I am almost sitting in powerlessness, almost waiting for someone to rescue me or make my dreams come true.

Instead if I use the “I Wish” Space as a window to when my Spirit comes alive and when I feel Inspired, I can decide if this is really my heart’s desire.  There is almost a childhood Innocence here -  I can ask my Innocence Part of me what I really want, and in the quietness listen to my inner voice.

For ages and always, since I have stopped Running over the last couple of years, whenever I see a runner, I always say to myself “I Wish I could run again”, and so today on my walk, I allowed my Self to enjoy a few minutes of Running, in between Walking, enough to make me feel the aliveness and Joy of Running. Wonderful!!!

From the “I Wish” Space I can also check to see what is underneath the “I Wish” and show Curiosity of how I can fulfil Needs for my Self, my Soul. As an example the “I Wish I was rich and I would go to day spas more often”, I know this for me is about yes being pampered, but most importantly just wanting time to relax and have “me time”.  And so this morning I made it a Priority to get up early and take a walk in nature, and this evening made time for a relaxing bath.

And so from the “I Wish” Space, which feels so distant and far away, I am able to move to a place of feeling Excited and Empowered.

I Can't Wait

My Artwork of Values is now in my Bedroom, it is great to see these Words first thing in the morning.

I look at the word Health and I know that this is very important to me.  And I am not feeling very Healthy right now - probably because I ate chocolate last night, which always makes me feel sick (and yes, I eat it anyway - yes, I am so not perfect).  I also know that I have nothing in the cupboard for breakfast - we have eaten all the fruit and I have not replaced my cereal.  If I was to put on a Scale how I feel in relation to my Ideal Health between 1 and 10 with 10 being the Ideal - I would probably be at a 2 or 3.

I have a sleep in - I feel like I am getting enough  in terms of hours of sleep and yet I still wake up tired - I feel like my night of dreams, where I always remember the adventure or drama, leave me exhausted.  I put on some Meditation music - this is a perfect way to start my day.

In my Mediation, I feel myself going deeper and deeper into a relaxed state.  The image of me lying on a picnic rug with a Baby and my Man nearby comes to my mind's eye - this is our Baby - it is a beautiful image.  In the Meditation I have a sense that I must prepare now, I must make Health a Priority - prepare my body for having our Baby.  When I come out of the meditative state, I feel at peace.  Having a baby is my greatest heart's desire - and this is a great motivation to look after myself.  I Google 'Preparing to have a baby' and I see that it is important to prepare my body 3-12 months in advance - folate seems a Priority - and the importance of not being underweight or overweight, and not eating certain foods such as raw fish.  I am very interested to learn more.  I even go to the library and look up books to find out what I should and shouldn't be eating.  I have had some Health concerns over the last 10 years - and I have a strong sense that I will be a Mum - and I know I have to do everything I can to make this dream come true.

I have a lovely day with my Family.  I enjoy time with my Mum and Dad - we enjoy a walk around Cronulla, along the beach and enjoy lunch at Cronulla RSL - I just love spending time with my Parents.

While walking with my Parents, I am continually, constantly, so consciously looking at Babies and Children.  I always love seeing Children with their Parents - I just Love Children.  I Can't Wait to have my own Baby - I Can't Wait.  In Coaching, there is a question about - What do you ache for?  For me the answer is obvious - I Can't Wait until I have a Baby - this will be my Greatest Wish, my Greatest Gift.

After lunch we walk to the park where I am very Excited to see my Gorgeous Nieces.  Little Brooke (who is turning 2 years old in September) is with my Dad and she runs over - I love seeing my Dad with my Nieces, his Granddaughters.  My Mum just loves spending time with Brooke - probably because the day Brooke was born was the day that Mum found out she had a brain tumor - miraculously, thank God, Mum is enjoying wonderful times with Brooke - who makes us smile.

I then love seeing my Nieces Ashley (7 in August) and Olivia (4 in July) run towards me.  My Nieces bring me so much Joy.  I love my Nieces - I can't imagine loving more - and yet I Can't Wait until I become a Mum.  And I Can't Wait to look at my Baby, our Baby - I love the feeling of having a Baby with my Man.

I love the day with my Family and I love that my Brother and Sister-In-Law and my Nieces call over to our Home and we have fun playing computer games and dancing - my Nieces are so beautiful.

 
I Love them.  I Can't Wait to introduce them to their Cousin when we have our Baby.

I am 39 years old in 4 months from next Tuesday - and so I decide that I have to make some changes.  I have to move my 2-3 on my Health Scale to a 10.  I am doing my Research and feeling into my Intuition as to what feels right.  I decide that I will put a hold on my Running until after I have a Baby as I know my Running has in the past affected my cycle - and so I will continue to enjoy my Walking.  I am also DEFINITELY planning to start Yoga - I have been talking about Yoga for over a year - my Commitment is to have been to at least 1 Yoga Class in the next 2 weeks.

I am also planning to be more serious about my diet - I have started buying Organic Fruit and Vegetables - and my preference is Vegetarian and even though I love Animals, I am now wanting a Baby and so I need to continue to educate myself on the best Choices for myself.

I Can't Wait to have a Baby.  I Can't Wait!!!  I am so Grateful that I have a Wonderful Man to share my life and I look forward to the day when we hold our Baby in our arms.

Life Is Not Perfect

Life Is Not Perfect.  Today I feel like a fraud - I certainly don't feel Yellow - I certainly have no energy or motivation to go out into the world and Spread The Yellow (and when I read back over this sentence - I do not feel like a fraud - I just feel real).

We went to bed late - I am worried about my Family - and as I am stressed, this had a ripple effect and caused my Man and I to have a disagreement.  Before we fell asleep we were Best Friends again and we went to bed saying all these nice words to each other, taking turns to shower each other with compliments. - it was so sweet - my Man would say a word and then I would say a word - it just went back and forth - "Sexy", "Spunky", "Princess", "Prince", "Queen", "King", "Goddess", "Handsome"... it was a wonderful way to fall asleep.  I am eternally Grateful for my Man.

I woke up and I was so tired.  I dreamt through the night - I can't remember what my dream was about - yet dreaming makes me feel tired.  When I am conscious that I have been dreaming through the night, I wake up exhausted, almost like I have actually been on the adventure through the night.  I was talking to the Manager at the Bookstore and she was telling me that she also dreams at night and that it is important to write down the dreams - she said that if we do not pay attention to the dream, it is like, not opening a letter that has been sent to us.  I like this analogy.  This morning I can't remember the exact details of the dream - although it is about my Family - and the real life emotions are the same.  I have been told that the most important part of remembering the dream, is remembering the emotions (how did that make you feel?) rather than the story.

I didn't want to get up today.  My throat hurts, my head hurts, my back hurts.  Life Is Not Perfect.  My Life Is Not Perfect.  I could have actually stayed in bed all day - and I had this feeling, to my surprise, that I couldn't wait for the day to be over.  I bring out my Cheerleader part of me and get out of bed to go Walking.  I enjoy being out in the world - I just enjoy being out in the fresh air.

After a visit to the chemist and a bag of potions for my throat and headache, I walk home.  I decide to stay home, and not go to work today.  I make myself a Priority and choose my Health.  Life Is Not Perfect and I am not feeling my usual 120% and yet I can still look at what is within my power and make a Choice.

Life Is Not Perfect - I just want to hang out on the couch.  I even google Yellow flower images and Yellow images - and I love seeing Yellow. 

And as I look at the images of Yellow flowers, I look over on the dining room table and see my Yellow roses - I am so Grateful that my Man buys me flowers.

I love sleeping for a couple of hours and hanging out on the couch is a treat - just a chance for Self-Care.  I read a chapter 'Discovering Your Values' from my book 'Spiritual Business' by Kate Forster - "When you live with your Values, then you are on the right track.  But how on earth can you live them if you have no idea what they are?" - I also like the quote "Too many Values and you are never sure what to grasp at when the winds of change are blowing."  I also love the words "I believe that your own Values as a person, when they are brought into your own business, will make an exceptional company.  It will be a 'self-realised' company.  A company that understands what it is here to provide and is more successful as a result."

I love this book - it is making me think about my own Business - in a natural, flowing way, involving my Yin, rather than just being in a traditional Yang corporate style.  I reread some of my notes about Values from our Coaching Textbook 'Co-Active Coaching' - some of the key sentences I like that help define Values are - "Values are who we are.  Not who we would like to be, not who we think we should be, but who we are in our lives, right now... Our Values serve as a compass pointing out what it means to be true to oneself.  When we honor our Values on a regular and consisent basis, life is good and fulfilling... Important life decisions are easier to make and outcomes are more fulfilling when the decisions are viewed through a matrix of well-understood personal Values."

I remember looking at Values at College - considering our own Values and also the Values of our Clients.  Rather than looking at a long list of Values I loved the process of identifying Values by considering - Peak Moments In TIme, Suppressed Values ("looking at times when a Client was angry, frustrated, or upset") and "Must-Haves" ("look at what they must have in their lives").  I love the idea of having my Values in print - and also having Values that are both my Values for my Life and my Business.  I find that my Journal, and artwork paper and coloured crayons are perfect for putting my Values on paper.

I love putting these words on paper - My Values.  I will now put this sheet of paper up in our Study, next to my Vision Boards - so that I may see them on a daily basis.  These are my Values for My Life and My Business.

Today's main feeling has been that Life Is Not Perfect and yet when I look at my Values, I see LOVE large and right in the centre - and I know that I am so blessed to be able to score this Value 10 out of 10.

Yes, Life Is Not Perfect, and sometimes, like today, I am going to feel less than 100% - and yet I can Honour myself and just have a day to myself - sleeping, relaxing, sitting on the couch watching a fun TV series.  And I am Happy that today I was guided to relook at my Values.  Health is a big one for me - and that is why I decided to stay home.  I know that I could have gone to work and put on a Happy face and yet I am glad that I put my Health as a Priority - as now I feel ready to get back to work tomorrow and give my best - to Honour my Commitment of work, to strive for Achievement, to be in Celebration when I exceed my Targets.

I have listed 17 Values - there are a lot of Values on this list and yet they are all very important to me.  There is the opportunity for me to look at a Values-Based Decision Matrix - make a list of Values in Priority and also Scale each Value, the degree to which I am honouring each Value - this is the type of work that would be beneficial to a Client.  And yet, as I look at my List, I am so Aware that I do Honour my Values - today I just needed a day to Spread The Yellow to myself.  And soon my Man will be home and he has offered to make us dinner - I am so Grateful that he is so capable and so natural and has such a huge capacity to Spread The Yellow to me - just the small things that Make A Difference.

And I hear a knock at the door - and I am Excited - our Organic Fruit and Vege Box has arrived.  I love Mondays - did I just write this right - this morning I had Monday-itis - and yet now I feel so happy with this delivery.

I am also Delighted that I get to talk to the owner of the Business and tell her how much I love getting the Fruit and Vege Box and that I have been telling my friends about her Business.  I ask her how long she has been in Business - Emma tells me that it has been 1 year.  It was so great to talk to Emma about Business - Emma tells me that she has had such great results from being involved in the "Shine" Magazine - and that it is very affordable for each quarter and that I may be able to get an article written about me.  I love the "Shine" Magazine - it is a wonderful magazine - this is how I found out about Shire Organics and now I am a raving fan.  I may have just been given a Next Step from the Universe for my Business - yes, time to introduce myself to the Community - time to tell them that "I Am Here".  Promoting my Business SHINE Coaching in  the "Shine" Magazine is a perfect fit.   I fill my fruit bowl with all the wonderful pieces of fresh, organic apples, oranges, bananas, kiwi fruit, nashi pears - yum!!!  Life Is Perfect!!!

Blank Canvas

I look at my Blank Canvas - it invites my Imagination - it represents a world of possibilities - a world of opportunities.  I CAN CREATE MY LIFE.  I am the Designer.  I have the power.

I close my eyes for a 15 minute Meditation.  I clear my mind by imagining the Blank Canvas.  I fast forward to 3 months - the Blank Canvas (in my mind's eye) very quickly turns to Yellow - the outside and the inside of the Canvas - bright, bright, Yellow.

I ask myself - What do I see?  What am I doing?  How do I feel?  I feel VERY Excited.  I feel Excited when I sit down with a Client for their first appointment.  I am SO Excited!  I am Excited that Clients are making themselves a Priority, to work on their life - so that they may LOVE THEIR LIFE.  That is why I am here - to help people who do not love their life - to help people SHINE.  It is that simple.

In my Meditation - I am Excited when someone first rings me on the phone - we talk briefly - I find out why they would like to see me and how they found out about me.  Word of mouth is spreading.  I Make A Difference.  People are recommending Clients to me.  I see a Yellow web (like a spider web), where I feel the Connection and Energy that is all around me and is spreading out.

I see myself with beams of light coming from me - everywhere I go - I Spread The Yellow. 

In the Meditation I see an image of my Coaching appointment diary - and it is full - 5 appointments for a Friday - and there is space - space to digest, reflect, relax, be centred and ready for each Client.  My diary is full - yet I find space and extra times and another room for all prospective Clients.

In my Meditation, I feel so comfortable and happy as a Coach - I AM A LIFE COACH.  I am living my Dream, I am living and loving my Vision.

I hear the words - "Do not fear, people will come" - "Be You" - "Be In Community".  The words "Be In Community" are strong.  In the Meditation I ask my Future Self what advice I can give to my Present Self ?  And I get a sense of me walking around and introducing myself to businesses in Cronulla - I feel drawn to hairdressers - that I need to just walk in and say "hello" so they know me and I may be of service to them and/ or their Clients.  I get a sense of just being in Community and known for my light.

In the Meditation I ask what people notice about me?  People notice that I am glowing.  I hear the words "I Am The Sun" and I have the image of rays of light coming from me - like my Business Logo - and then I have a knowing that I Am My Business Logo - the Yellow heart, the love, my Yin, my Yang, my Yin-Yang working together, in love, for the Greater Good, with sparks and rays of light and energy coming from me.

Wow - I loved my Meditation.  It was wonderful to sit in this Future space.  I write in my Journal.  Being in my Yin, my imagination and feeling in my heart, I feel that this place is Incredible, Powerful - much more than just sitting here and thinking about my Business.

Today is about having a Vision and Goals for my Coaching Business - without Goals I would not know the direction I am travelling - and I like to have Goals so that I can tune into my Intuition and see what will take me closer to my destination.  While at Cronulla I buy myself a card - I decide to write myself a Birthday card - my Birthday is 4 months away.  The card is to me and from me - I am writing to my Future Self - and by the time I read the card, I have a strong sense that my Vision would have come true.  I will give this card to my Man tonight so that he can give it back to me in September when my Dreams of a Successful Coaching Business will be achieved.  The Goal is Specific and Measureable - I want to be working with 5-7 Clients every week.  I love writing myself a card - just saying "Congratulations" to myself.

Now that I have a clear Goal and I have seen it in my mind's eye, plus I have felt the emotion and expressed it in writing - it is now time for ACTION - time to take Steps.  And so out I go into the Community, with a pile of my Flyers.  I decide that I will deliver 100 today.  Although I had originally planned on photocopying pages from the street directory and having a more ordered, logical, Yang approach to the Flyer delivery - I decide to just allow my Yin to run the show - to just listen for where my Intution guides me to go - and then Yang does the walking.  I had also planned to write down the streets where I deliver my Flyer - yet it is such a beautiful sunny day and I just enjoy feeling the warmth of the sun and love looking at the Flowers, Trees and Birds.  And everytime I put a Flyer in a letterbox I imagine sending love, light and Yellow to the household.  It is wonderful following my Yin's guidance - it takes off the pressure and makes for a relaxing time.  If the letterbox is filled with too many brochures, overflowing from a letterbox, my Yin senses that there is too much going on there right now, and my Yang agrees that I don't want my Flyer to get lost - so I just move to the next inviting letterbox.  I see a Kookaburra and that makes my heart sing and I enjoy seeing the Lorrikeets flying and splashing in a bird bath.

I had a lovely afternoon and just as I was on my way home a lady approached me and showed me a piece of paper with an address - she was lost and was trying to get to this unit.  English is the second language for this lady.  So I walk with her until we find her unit - we walk for about an hour, she had been given the wrong address and I also got her lost as we walked up and down trying to find her new home.  We had a nice walk in the sunshine.  I am happy that I had time to Spread The Yellow to this lady - that I can be genuine and live from my heart.  I am just so happy that I had space in my day to allow for the unexpected surprises.  Although we only enjoyed half conversations - I really enjoyed my time in Connection with this lovely lady from Ukraine.  That's one of my greatest delights - I never know who I am going to meet on my Journey

And then tonight I enjoy a Date with my Man.  I love being in love - I love holding hands with my Man.  If I was designing my life and I had a Blank Canvas in front of me - I would choose my Man and our life together at the Centre - my Man is my Now and my Future.

As I Imagine my Future - I feel that it is Bright and Happy and there is so much Sunshine and Yellow...

And even as I dream my dreams and Imagine my Future - I love the Now - Being and Enjoying the Now is  SO Very Important to me...

The BIG Things

"The little things in life?  The little moments?  They aren't little.  They often turn out to be the most memorable and meaningful things we encounter.  We may not recognise them while they are happening, or have the words to describe how they make us feel... If we sat down to think about the precious little things in life - those that make our lives more vibrant, connected and inspired - we would find genuine, heartfelt moments that shape our lives and make us who we are." 'The Little Things' by Kobi Yamada

Today I am grateful for the little things that are The BIG Things:

- Sleeping in with my Man (so nice to just relax together)

- Lunch with friends - catching up, chatting, laughing, sharing, caring (naturally a time of Spread The Yellow)

- Buying a Yellow coffee table to be used in my work when meeting with Clients - Yellow - Yay!!

- Afternoon tea with my Mum and Dad - so lovely to share time together - I am Grateful, I AM SO GRATEFUL for these moments with my Mum and Dad - love sharing stories, laughing... lovely

- Home now with my Man - HAPPY to be at Home - Happy to have a Home - HAPPY to have a GREAT MAN in my life

- Vegetarian cooking - today I made a nice Vegetarian risotto - love making home-made meals and sharing them with my Man

- Dancing around the lounge room, my Man twirling me - we laugh and kiss.

I Love to make time to reflect and appreciate The BIG Things - for me it is about being present to these moments - I really like this quote -
"We do not remember days, we remember moments" Cesare Pavese


I was talking to a friend today and he asked me what I Blog about - I explained that I just write about my journey and what Inspires me for the day.  What I write about may seem to be small, and today may just seem like an ordinary day - yet to me, these are The BIG Things and I AM SO GRATEFUL.  I like to appreciate the extraordinary in the ordinary.

And the most important Priority in my life is my Man, my Mum and Dad and Family and friends.  People are always the most important priority to me.  I am just so glad that I have found life Balance now - no longer working on weekends - so much more time to enjoy time with those I love. 

This morning I was reading a small book 'Because Of You' by Dan Zadra - I like what he writes - "Some of the best and most important people in our lives may never show up on the 11 o'clock news or see their names up in lights - but the world would definitely miss them if there were gone." 

He asks "What kind of people will make your everyday heroes list?" - I AM SO GRATEFUL that I know the answer to this question...