Perfect

Perfect - Defined as:
- conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
- excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
- exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose
- entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings
- accurate, exact, or correct in every detail:
- expert; accomplished; proficient.

When do we start trying to be Perfect?  Is it when we are young and start school and try to get everything right so that we get some gold stars and be "good"?  Is it when we are teenagers and start comparing ourselves to other people in our class, stars on television, models in the magazines?  Is it when we start working and there is the pressure to know all the answers and act like we are great at every part of our job (especially since we try so hard at the interview to impress and 'act' like we will be Perfect for the role)?  Is it when we become Wives and fall 'victim' to the 'Perfect HouseWife Syndrome'?

I am about to become a Wife again and a big Part of me wants to be the Perfect HouseWife.

I remember years ago - years and years ago - when I bought my first home with a boyfriend, a man I thought I was going to marry.  I loved our house.  And I was keen to make it a home.  I wanted it to be Perfect.  After a few months, my boyfriend broke up with me - he said I was like 'Betty Crocker' and he wasn't ready to settle down, he wanted to travel and party and stay young - he wasn't ready.

And then years later I got married and my ex-husband was happy for me to be his Wife.  And I wanted to be Perfect.  And I struggled to be Perfect.  As a couple we were far from Perfect.  And in my Self I was searching to be Perfect, to find the Perfect career to make me happy.  And I had a lot of stuff - I remember that one of our bedrooms of our three bedroom home, the study, was a mess, and I would always quickly shut the door if we had visitors.  I hated that I wasn't Perfect.  And then the imperfections became  very clear as our marriage started falling apart and I started falling apart.  And this was a long time ago.

And now I am getting married again - and I can't wait!!!  It feels very different this time.  Last time, I remember 6 weeks before the wedding and I was worried about sending out the wedding invitations and I spent a lot of time thinking and justifying in my mind why I should get married - while my Intuition, my 'gut' feel, was yelling out to me - and I didn't take notice.  Now I pay attention to my Intuition and I am so Grateful that now every part of me knows that my marriage to be will be wonderful - our relationship is wonderful.  What I love about being with My Man most is that I can be Me.  I also love that I do not have to be Perfect.  And I love that My Man is Perfect to me.  We are both imperfectly Perfect.  We accept all Parts of each other. Our love is Perfect.  How Perfect that I can be my ImPerfect Self and be loved by My Man.

As a Coach I am always on the look out for my Clients' Perfectionists, who may be stopping my Clients from moving forward in achieving their Dreams.  In working with my Clients I help them access other Parts of Self so that they can set and achieve their Goals.

And so I ask my Self - what is the role of the Perfectionist in our lives?  What is the role of the Perfectionist in my life?  I know from my Training and experience that there is a Gift to every Part within our Self.  As I Dream about being a Perfect Wife I wonder what is the message here for me?

Just today I have been thinking about what I want to achieve before we get married - apart from having a Perfect Wedding Day.  I have set my Self some Goals that are important to me: 

- Clean my Study (so much paperwork and clutter)

- Organise my Superannuation

- Clean and organise and de-clutter my garage (again). 

Perhaps the Gift of my Perfectionist is that this Part of me is reminding me of what needs to be done to clear clutter and Create Space in my home and in my mind.  And it is easy to be motivated to achieve these Goals as I know that I will feel very happy.  I always feel good after housework - I actually enjoy cleaning.  Now it is time to make more time for our home and my personal finances - it is time to get done what is important to me -  to treat these as Priorities in my life. 

It is my Mum and Dad's 43rd Wedding Anniversary today - which is beautiful.  I feel bad that I am not the Perfect Daughter as I have had such a busy week and day that I forgot that today was their special day - and now I am justifying and finding excuses.  And I am happy that my Mum and Dad had a lovely day out today - that is most important - and so it doesn't matter if I wasn't Perfect in my own eyes - what is most Perfect is that I love my Mum and Dad so much and they love me.

I love that I have such wonderful role models of marriage from my Mum and Dad.  And I do think that my Mum and Dad are both Perfect.  And My Man and I will be Perfect in our own way, in our unique way.

And as I think about my upcoming marriage I do believe that things will be different - I want things to be different.  I know that I will feel different.  We have lived together for a year now and yet I know for me marriage is different.  Some people say that when they get married it is no different from living together.  And yet I know it will be different, I want it to be different.  Getting married for me is a very BIG deal, especially after I have been previously married and it did not work.  I believe that I will feel different.  And I want the exterior to also be different - and so I want to do a BIG clean up before we get married.  It has been challenging moving 2 x 2 bedroom homes into 1 unit - and that is just an excuse.

I think that I have been so against being Perfect, that I have been too Relaxed.  And I have loved the Relaxed Part of me - it lets me relax on the lounge and watch my favourite shows after having a busy day at work.  And now it is time to bring the Organiser Part of me onto the Stage of my life and help me achieve my Goals before I get married - and I don't have to be Perfect.

I need to remind my Self - I don't have to be Perfect.

I don't want to be like the women in 'Stepford Wives' - I just want to be My Self.

Now that I am a Life Coach, working with Clients to create a life that they Love, I often challenge my Self - shouldn't I be Perfect and have every area of my life at a 10 out of 10?  Sometimes this is what I ask my Self - and then I remind my Self that I do not have to be Perfect - that, like my Clients, I am also on a Journey and I am learning and growing.  What I can promise my Self and my Coaching Clients is that I am committed to Self-Reflection, Self-Awareness and Self-Development.  With this promise and knowing I can be less Perfect and more accepting and more loving to my Self.

Healthy Sources of Energy

We had a great night last night - out with my Man and his Friends.  We went out to a Thai Restaurant and enjoyed great food and wine, stories, chatting and laughter.  I love laughing.  Laughing for me is definitely one of my Healthy Sources Of Energy.

And today has been a day of relaxation, which I have loved.  I remember the days when I had every minute of my life planned and I was always on the go - now I love the opportunity to relax and recharge.  I have also enjoyed looking at my College work today, which is my lifework and a hobby.  Unlike when I was at University years ago, I love my College work, it is not a chore at all.  I love that it offers me the opportunity for my own Growth and I love continually learning to help me with Coaching my Clients.

For my College work and for my Self-Development, I have been looking at Distractions and Energy Leaks.  In 'Take Time For Your Life' by Cheryl Richardson there are some good reminders for me of how I used to be and how I do not want to be again - this part resonates with me "Another common way to keep the adrenaline flowing is to spread yourself too thin.  Investing your time and energy in too many areas causes stress and anxiety.  Instead of working on too many projects at once, pursuing multiple business ideas, or getting involved with too many organisations, narrow your focus.  Decide to do one or two things well, and channel your energy.  Too many irons in the fire give the illusion of getting a lot accomplished, but it's usually less productive."

As I tune my awareness to Energy Leaks and Distractions "of what triggers my body into fight or flight response, even on a subtle level", I really like the opportunity to consider how I replace this in my own life with Healthy Sources Of Energy (or fuel).  In the book 'Take Time For Your Life' by Cheryl Richardson, she talks about the "energy that comes from a higher source - the kinds of fuel that give you the power to do all that you want to do and contribute to your overall health and wellbeing.  Living a high-quality, whole life is a long-distance event.  Give yourself plenty of good fuel you need to sustain yourself."

I review the "What's Fueling You" List and check the good sources already in my life and I am conscious of what I still may need to Consciously bring into my life.  Cheryl Richardson explains "These are the things that will fuel you in a way that contributes to the quality of your life... give yourself 2 points for every item checked.  Tally each section individually and multiply by 2.  Then, combine the scores from each section for a grand total.  With 100 points available, how did you do?  If you score is low, don't worry.  Now that you have more time and energy available, it will be easier to consistently add more of these types of energy sources to your life."  In doing this Activity I decide to give myself either a 0, 1 or 2 which helps me avoid the black or white, yes or no, and allows space for the sometimes and I want more.  If I feel like I do have some progress in this area and I would still like to make some improvement, I will rank this Area at a 1.
 
Relationships
- I enjoy the company of special friends -1
- I share my life with my soulmate - 2
- I have a blood family or chosen family with whom I feel close - 2
- I get immense pleasure from spending time with children - 2
- I have a pet that brings me joy and provides me with unconditional love - 0
- I spend time having fun with people who make me laugh - 2
- I am part of a loving and supportive community -1
- I have relationships that stimulate me intellectually - 2
- I have people I can turn to in times of need - 2
- I have relationships where I feel intimately connected to others - 2
16/20

Environment
- I have a special 'soul nurturing' place in my home just for me - 0
- I listen to my favourite music regularly - 1
- I love my sense of style and feel good in the clothes I wear - 1
- I've let go of all the 'stuff' I no longer need - 0
- I keep fresh flowers in my home and office - 2
- My home is neat, clean and well organised - 1
- I create beauty around me - 1
- I love the neighbourhood I live in - 2
- My bedroom is the perfect place to get a good night's sleep - 2
- I have at least one room with a beautiful view that I enjoy - 1
11/20

Body, Mind and Spirit
- I exercise regularly -2
- I have eliminated caffeine from my diet - 1
- I have a way that eliminates stress and keeps me centred - 2
- I eat healthy and nutritious foods -1
- I care for my body with regular healthcare checkups and bodywork appointments - 2
- Each day I read something inspirational to keep my attitude positive - 2
- I have a Spiritual practice that connects me with my Wise Self - 1
- I feel a strong connection to a power greater than myself - 2
- I set aside regular time for solitude and silence - 2
- I have a safe and healthy outlet for my emotional wellbeing - 2
17/20

Work
- I enjoy my work - 1
- My commute is stress free - 2
- I have a mentor who guides and encourages me - 0
- I always take lunch breaks - 2
- I have colleagues who inspire and respect me - 2
- I take mental health days when I need them - 1
- I feel energised at the end of most work days - 1
- My office is a beautiful space that's well organised and free from distractions - 0
- My work contributes to a larger Vision that I have for my life - 1
- My ideas and talents are welcome at work - 1
11/20

Money
- I always carry enough cash with me - 1
- I have a system to keep my finances in order, and I know where my money goes - 1
- I am fully insured and protected - 2
- I save money consistently - 0
- My taxes are paid and up to date - 2
- I've made smart investments that earn very well -1
- I enjoy being generous and easily share my wealth - 2
- I pay myself first - 0
- I spend my money on things that I love - 2
- I pay my credit cards in full each month - 0
11/20

My Total Score = 66/100


I am surprised that I am only at 66 out of 100, and then another Part of me is not that surprised as I know that Environment, Work and Money are Areas that need my attention.  I am Excited that by having a look at the list of different Areas, by chunking it down to specifics, I am able to see opportunities for me to bring more Healthy Sources Of Energy into my life.

I am enjoying these Yang Processes and yet I am feeling my Yin Part of me calling to check in with my Intuition to get a feel of Next Steps plus bring in some images to bring possibilities to life for me.  In terms of Relationships I have a sense that of most importance to me is Connection with my Man on a daily basis  (this week I think we'll put on some music and have fun dancing, as well as enjoy some  Nature walks).

It is also important for me to maintain Connection with Friends and also be proactive in joining in with Community through the Bookstore and Church.

In terms of my Environment, this week I plan to listen to more music that I enjoy, at home and in my car.   I love music, I love when I put music on at home when I am cooking and I love listening to music driving to work, it definitely gets me energised for my day.

And I plan to keep my living area and kitchen free of clutter and organised.  I am not going to make a Commitment to organise my Office - this is a big job, and I want to be realistic and have the time to be able to focus my energy - and so for this week, it is just small Next Steps.


For my Body, Mind, Spirit I am also making a Commitment to enjoy at least 15-30 minutes of Meditation every day - this is important.  This week I will use this as the Opportunity to Connect with my Wise Self.  This is the image that I feel resonates with me when I talk about my Wise Self, the Sage Part of me.

The Area of Work is a BIG one for me.  While I love my Coaching, I also have a sense of wanting to be bringing more of my Self and my skills to my Monday-Wednesday job and I also want to put more energy into building my Business.  For me this week I am just going to hold myself Accountable to finalising the requirements for my Coaching Advertisement.

Money is also an Area that requires my attention.  There has been a huge change in this Area for me, directly related to my decisions regarding Work.  I make a BIG decision to not go back into a Management, Corporate, Full-Time role once I was made redundant so that I could be true to my Journey of becoming a Coach.  And this has been the right decision - even though it has had a huge impact on my Financial situation - and I trust that this struggle is just short-term.  For this week I am planning to be conscious of living to my Budget and keeping a record of where I am spending my Money.

I am also looking forward to reading my notes from College about "Invest in Your Financial Health" - sounds like a perfect topic for me.

I am Excited to know that with all of this Self-Reflection via all of these Yang Processes and Activities, there is the opportunity to work with a Coach and so perhaps this is where there will be space for getting insights from my Intuitive Yin and Emotional Yin Parts of me.  As I am so connected with my Feminine, Intuitive and Emotional Yin, I do welcome the opportunity to get my Yang Part of me working for me, taking ACTION.

All of these Processes are fantastic by offering the Opportunity to look at all Areas of Life.   I am Excited to use them as Exercises in Coaching with my Clients and to add them to my Toolkit.

Actively Involved

"If you're not Actively Involved in getting what you want, you don't really want it." Peter McWilliams

The words "Actively Involved" speak to me.  I have realised that I have been spending a lot of time in Observation of myself and Observation of the beauty in the world.  And this has been a wonderful place, very relaxing, a place of peace and calm - definitely being led by my Yin in my Intuition and Feelings.  My Man was also saying last night that there is so much that I want to do and get Excited by so much and yet I may need to focus.  And this is true of me.

I also resonate with these words

- "Now is the Time to Focus Your Energy

We are constantly faced with competing demands,

and easily distracted by the noise and the interruptions.

To be effective in our lives and work, we must focus.

We must decide on our Priorities.

We must channel our energy and attend to the task before us." Patrick Lindsay

What differentiates Coaching from Counselling is the focus on the Future and the attention to ACTION.  And I have a Commitment to be True and Genuine on my Journey with attention to Self-Development.   I am Excited that I have received a whole package of notes on "Life Quality and Design" - this is perfect timing for me - I am Excited when I read about the opportunity to write an Ideal Scene, to look again at my Wheel of Life, to take an Energy Leaks Inventory and complete a Tackling Procrastinations Task Sheet.  These are wonderful Tools for me and Tools for my Clients.  I am Excited that I can be Actively Involved in designing my Life.  And I Welcome this Opportunity.

I am VERY HAPPY that tonight I finally took the Step to become Actively Involved in supporting Communities living in Poverty.  Tonight my Man and I sponsored Ann, a 6 year old little girl living in Laos.  We chose to Sponsor a Child through Plan Australia.  What I love about their work is their Commitment to Children - "Child centred community development is the term we use to describe how we aim to do our development work. It's a rights based approach to development where we support communities to develop the structures and skills they need to provide a safe and healthy environment in which children are able to realise their full potential.  It is our belief, based on many years of experience, that this can be achieved only if children’s best interests are at the heart of everything we do and if children themselves actively participate in the process."

Originally I was looking at Vietnam or Thailand or Nepal, and I have also been recently drawn to Laos when I found information on the Sunshine School that seems very advanced in their teaching Programs for Children - and I have also been interested in this area since I once worked with a guy from Laos and we were good friends.  Tonight while my Man and I looked at the different areas, I was drawn to Laos due to the low life expectancy of 55.1 years and also a low 51% who have access to safe drinking water and a low literacy rate (over 15 years) of only 66.4%.  I love reading about all the Community Projects taking place in Laos.

I am Excited that I finally made one small step to Spread The Yellow and be Actively Involved in helping build Communities.  What I also love about Plan is that they work to help Communities to become Empowered to overcome poverty, so that with time they can withdraw from a self-sufficient Community.

It feels great to be Actively Involved.  We saw a photo of little Ann and we are planning to write her a letter and look forward to learning more about her Community.  Little Ann is just 2 days younger than my Niece Ashley and I look forward to hopefully getting Ashley involved in this Process, perhaps writing letters or sending pictures.  In any case, it helps us realise that we are so fortunate and we can help Make A Difference.

I am calling on the Yang Part of me tomorrow (and every day) to be Organised and Logical and Focused and in ACTION.  I have my "To Do" List ready to go and I look forward to being more Actively Involved in MY LIFE, making Choices and taking Steps towards my Vision.