I Wish

The other day I went into Paddington to get some makeup for my wedding. As I do not wear makeup very often and like a very natural look, I have been looking for a makeup artist and the right makeup. And after meeting a lovely beautician on Thursday night, my journey took me into Paddington.

I am not a big shopper and yet when I arrived at Paddington, I heard the faint whisper of a Part of me that said “I Wish”... I was shocked - the voice said “I Wish I was rich...” In a second I thought about how I would go to the day spa all the time for facials and massages and “I Wish I was rich to go into all of the fancy clothing boutiques” and ”I Wish I had the confidence to go into the fancy boutiques”. And then in an instant I thought “I Wish I was more beautiful”,” I Wish I had perfect skin”, ” I Wish I had perfect features”, “ I Wish I had beautiful long hair”, “I Wish I looked all dressed up and fancy like the ladies passing by me”.

I was very curious about this Part of me...

Normally I sit in a place of Gratitude and Thankfulness for all I am and all I have. Very big in my Awareness is the fact that so many people live in poverty and struggle for their basic needs or even just people who are affected by sickness and disabiity. And yet here I was wishing for more.

And it is not that I can’t afford clothes in those boutiques - maybe one or two pieces (maybe a scarf) if I made it a Priority - yet it actually comes back to the larger Part of me that does not really like shopping. And yet I have noticed that there is this Part of me that is become louder and wants to wear nice things and wear makeup and look pretty. For a long time I did competitive Running, it was always about being faster - short hair, skinny, Running shoes, Running clothes, Running, training, competing - very Masculine and Yang. I even remember a boyfriend at the time who grew sick of my tracksuits and wished I wore more skirts - I still remember him saying that to me. And after I hurt my back I started wearing shapeup joggers to help my back, and they do make a difference - and yet now I want different. Now my Feminine Part of me, my Yin, is coming more alive, back alive - where I am finding myself wanting to buy magazines, wear pretty blouses, wanting to paint my nails - and even travelling to Paddington to get the right makeup that is right for me.

These thoughts in my head of “I Wish” only lasted about one or two minutes. I was then able to return to the Part of me that knows I am so fortunate. And then I also sat in a Space of what is really most important to me - what “I Wish” for the most - “I Wish my Mum didn’t have cancer”, this is the big number one - and “I Wish we have a baby soon”, another big, very important Wish.

Being in the Space of “I Wish” made me think of the Serenity Prayer - “God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot Change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.” For me there are many things outside my control, some of the big things. And if my greatest ”I Wish” is about Family for me, I can continue to treat this as a Priority in my life.

And if I am finding my Spirit come alive and some excitement regarding matters of the Feminine, it does not mean that I have to get caught up in Consumerism, Materialism, Shopping - yet I can enjoy my trip to Paddington to buy makeup, I can buy and enjoy flicking through magazines, and I am really enjoying now that I am back again wearing more dresses, embracing my Feminine. And it doesn’t mean I have to spend a lot of money - I even enjoyed a look at St Vincent De Paul’s at Paddington and found a really nice designer blouse and also a dress - all for the total price of $18 - I was Excited. I don’t really care about the “designer” bit, although there was a Part of me quietly Proud as if I had bought it at full price - and the main Part of me loved the bargain. Mostly I always love the opportunity to be on a treasure hunt to see what surprises and delights me in second hand stores and I love the chance to Recycle and Reuse.

The “I Wish” related to the Feminine Part of me is loving colour and fabrics and fashion. My Spirit is highlighting that I could get back to sewing again - I remember with fond memories sewing clothes -back when I was about 16-20 years of age. I used to love sewing dresses and wearing them out. Perhaps a new hobby when the time is right. And I am also interested in expressing my creativity through photography - another hobby I once loved.

I am not going to say” I Wish I had more time”.   I know I have the power to manage my time so that I can focus on my Priorities and Values.

I just realised that if I stay in the “I Wish” Space for too long (more than a couple of minutes), I am almost sitting in powerlessness, almost waiting for someone to rescue me or make my dreams come true.

Instead if I use the “I Wish” Space as a window to when my Spirit comes alive and when I feel Inspired, I can decide if this is really my heart’s desire.  There is almost a childhood Innocence here -  I can ask my Innocence Part of me what I really want, and in the quietness listen to my inner voice.

For ages and always, since I have stopped Running over the last couple of years, whenever I see a runner, I always say to myself “I Wish I could run again”, and so today on my walk, I allowed my Self to enjoy a few minutes of Running, in between Walking, enough to make me feel the aliveness and Joy of Running. Wonderful!!!

From the “I Wish” Space I can also check to see what is underneath the “I Wish” and show Curiosity of how I can fulfil Needs for my Self, my Soul. As an example the “I Wish I was rich and I would go to day spas more often”, I know this for me is about yes being pampered, but most importantly just wanting time to relax and have “me time”.  And so this morning I made it a Priority to get up early and take a walk in nature, and this evening made time for a relaxing bath.

And so from the “I Wish” Space, which feels so distant and far away, I am able to move to a place of feeling Excited and Empowered.

Community

The other day I was with at my Parents' home and we were reminiscing about the days when I was a Runner.  I loved Running.  I was a part of a Running Club and I loved my Community.  I loved being part of this Community.  For a long time Running was a major part of my life - my week days and weekends were dedicated to training and competing.  And I loved it.  I do miss my Running and hope to get back to Running after we have a Family.  And I also love that now I have discovered new Parts of my Self.

I was showing My Man my photos from my Running and I also found a piece of writing from 26 January 2001 - 10 years ago.  Here is what I wrote:

"MISSION STATEMENT FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS

My wish is that all people will become actively involved in, and enjoy the benefits of, true Community.

Community is where a group of two or more people, regardless of differences, are able to accept and transcend these differences, enabling them to work effectively towards common Goals.  In a true Community, members support and encourage one another.  It is a place where there is freedom to be oneself, where ideas, opinions, sorrows, joys and Dreams are shared.

I am so fortunate to be part of the Western District Joggers & Harriers Club, which is more than just a Running Club... we are a Community... a Community that makes a difference to people's lives week in and week out.  The Running Club Community which originated in mid 1967 with only a few members now has over 200 Members.  Our Running Club meets every Saturday morning at Lake Gillawarna, Georges Hall at 7:30am.  We are a Family Blub which promotes Health and Fitness, with our Members enjoying the benefits and good feelings associated with being a part of a true Community.

My wish is that every individual becomes involved and joins a Community - such as a sporting group, a social club, a volunteer organisation, a church group, or a hobby group - any place where you can meet up with other people who may have the same interest (even if the interest is based on a desire to meet new people and enjoy new friendships).  I believe that the benefits for the individual and society of building communities are immeasurable.

My wish is that everyone can be proactive in building Communities within all their day to day relationships - within their Marriages, Families, work environments, social groups, sporting groups, suburbs, cities and countries.

As individuals we can build Communities by:

- Doing what is right;

- Being open and honest in all our interactions;

- Encouraging, celebrating and accepting our Uniqueness and different opinions, thoughts and ideas;

- Listening and being genuinely interested in others;

- Learning from one another's experiences;

- Always doing the best you can, in all you do;

- Being personally committed to continuous improvement;

- Treating others, as you would like to be treated.

God gave us the best Gift of all - the Gift of free will - the ability to choose.  Each day we make Choices.  We can choose how we want to spend our time, who we want to be, our Attitude and how we act and react.

My wish is that today, on Australia Day, 26 January 2001, all individuals make a choice to take personal responsibility and make a Commitment, to being the best they can be, and to build Communities within all their relationships.

It only takes small changes as individuals - but together we can make a big difference in building a better world.

I hope my wish comes true."

I loved reading what I wrote 10 years ago - feeling Inspired and seeing that my Values and Philosophy are still very similar.  And for the last 6 months I have consciously been aware of my feeling of a lack of Community in my life, or rather, the desire for me to regain a sense of Community in my life.  I am Grateful that I have a strong sense of Belonging with my Family and now with My Man, and yet there is a Part of me longing to again be a Member of a broader Community.  The Journey of being a Member came out when I was working with my Coach last year.  And I also know in my Heart, that some of my happiest times was when I was part of my Running Community - it is a time that brought me such great joy. 

And I am Excited that I have found a Community that I am growing to love.  I feel so at home when I go to Church on a Sunday - Kingsway Community http://www.kingsway.org.au/Welcome. There is so much Spirit within this gathering of friends.  I am made to feel so welcome and at the same time given Space so that I am not overwhelmed or rushed to give more than I can.  I have been going on and off for about 2 years and it was only recently that I started going there again more frequently after being away for about 5-6 months.  When I went back to Church I was overwhelmed with this feeling of being at home, overwhelmed with being somewhere so special, so emotional that I was moved to tears - happy tears. 

I love being in Connection each week with new people and I really love the messages each week from the Pastors.  What I love is that the Pastor is able to make the bible readings very relevant for today.  I also love that what the Pastors talk about is very much in line with my work in Coaching.  I love the Kingsway Community Churchs' Mission and Vision - Refuge for Healing, River for Refreshment, Resource for Unity.  Just the other week one of the Pastors was talking about all people being in touch with their Uniqueness  in the divine plan - I loved listening and felt so Inspired after being at Church - especially since this is an area I am so Passionate about in working with my Clients - helping Clients connect to their own sense of Uniqueness and Greatness.  I also loved when one of the Pastors talked about Community as "sharing the joy of Hope".

I loved being at Church on Sunday.  I was actually Excited to be going, as I know I always enjoy the feeling of being in this Community.  This week at Church the Pastors talked about this year being a year of "letting go".  He talked about the verse in the bible from Hebrews 12:1-2 (ESV)  "since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" and used the metaphor of an Olympic Runner who is trying to run with a whole crate of lead and how he will be slower versus someone who is free.  He gave examples of "Everything that hinders:
    * Unfulfilled and unrealistic expectations
    * Disappointments/hurts/offences
    * Fear and insecurities, self-esteem issues
    * Apathy/laziness
    * Busyness
    * Accumulation/material obsession/worldly goals
    * Self reliance
    * Isolation/individualism
    * Programs
    * Belief systems
    * Health/fitness issues – physical/emotional/spiritual
    * Facades/masks
    * Unhealthy relationships
    * Demarcation
    * Control/pride
    * My agenda
    * Judgemental criticism
    * Disobedience
    * Comfort
    * Bitterness/unforgiveness
    * “Rights”/title/position."
I loved how the Pastor talked about Mindsets, Beliefs and Attitudes that slow us down and trip us up, and the importance of Perseverence.  I just love that the language that is used at the Church is in line with my life and my Beliefs and my Coaching.  I just love these words in one of the Pastor's Blog "The exciting thing in all of this is the goal … which is greater FREEDOM. Imagine for a minute what it would be like to be totally free … free from ‘every weight’ that slows you down, hinders your relationships, distracts your purpose, hampers your development, obstructs your growth and holds you back from being the extraordinary person God wants you to be for Him and His kingdom … NOW. The more we can get rid of these burdens, weights and loads from our life, the better and more effective we will be …  and the more fun we will have together."

I feel very Inspired to become more involved in this Community.  Whenever I go to Church I feel Inspired to Volunteer and now I feel Inspired to offer up my Gift of Coaching.  I am not sure in what form I will be involved - I would be happy to offer some Workshops and Coaching and I am Excited that I spoke with one of the Team Leaders last Sunday and will meet her for a cuppa and see if I can be of Service.  I was also very interested to hear about the Youth Programme the Church is running and may be able to offer Coaching to one of the teenagers.  I was amazed to hear that of the Youth going to a Youth Group on a Friday night, only 20% are from Families who go to the Church, 80% of the Youth are coming on their own, perhaps connecting to a sense of Spirituality for the first time.

I am Excited to have found a Community that I love.

I am also very interested in joining in the Community of Coaches that is being led by the Vision of one of my friends from College.  We are meeting in a few weeks and I am looking forward to hearing more about the Vision and Mission of this Community.  My wish is that I can combine my interest in being involved in the Community of Coaches with my desire to be more involved in my local Community.

What I love about my Church Community is that they are Local and offer so many great Programs for the Local Community, and they are also very Conscious and Connected to the Global Community.  And I love the music, I love the music - it is a chance to rejoice and be Grateful.  Here are some of the songs from last Sunday that I loved singing
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MKAzYJcWSY
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UJtuyY8v1g (very Inspired by the words of this song)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79055I6o-NQ

When I was a Member of my Running Club, I loved seeing friends week in and week out, being caring and supporting each other, being of Service in the Community as Club Captain, and also being of Service for the greater good (as we raised money for different charities).  My wish for my Self is that I become a true Member of a Community again, and I feel I am taking steps in the right direction.

Letting Go Of My Past

In the last few weeks, probably in the last few months, I have been very Conscious of wanting to be in the Now and Letting Go Of My Past.  There are many life experiences in my Past that have led me to my Present moment and yet these life experiences and relationships do come up in conversation and take up my mental energy.  I also had concerns about storing pain from my Past in my body, that I was carrying emotions that are causing aches in my back and a heaviness on my shoulders.  

I am so Grateful that I was blessed with a happy childhood, with the Abundance of Love.  From my Past I carry these Gifts of Love, Joy, Gratitude and a Positive Attitude.  

And I have also carried the sorrow and sadness of the last 8-10 years.  I have carried the pain and darkness and black memories of marriage and divorce and times of depression.  I have carried the feelings of rejection by others and also by myself.  I have carried the burden of wearing masks, searching for love and acceptance, searching for love and acceptance and happiness outside of myself.  I have carried guilt and regret.  I have made bad decisions.  I have carried stress and pressure in my Career when I have been working in areas that do not make my heart sing.  Many times I have not listened to my Intuition when I have been at the crossroads.

And yet all is different for me now.  And I am Grateful for my Path and my Journey.  I Trust all of my life experiences have served me.  The experience of getting married and divorced taught me the importance of being in my Heart and following my Intuition.  It has also served to remind me of the importance of Divine Love and Divine Union.  My experiences of being in depression, down in the dark, black hole taught me so much about the blackness.  In my blackness, I am so Grateful that my Mum and some very kind friends sat with me - they didn't try to pull or push me, they just sat with me.  When I found my way back to the Light, I felt Inspired to work and help people, to work in Service.  My Past experiences Inspired me to become a Coach, to catch people who may be about to fall into a black hole or to work with people so that they find their own Light and Love of Self and Create a Life they Love.  As a Coach I also have deep empathy and compassion for all others, and I also feel that I can see the signs as possible check-ins around support and care if people are in distress.  I have also been Grateful for the many relationships that have served me to better understand myself and others.  It was only when I decided last year what I deserved and wrote a list of everything I deserved in an intimate relationship that my Man appeared in my life.  The 4 years before then, I question my own level of self-worth, where I often settled for less than what I deserved.  In my work as a Coach I am Inspired to help Clients realise their own Love of Self, their Uniqueness and Greatness and also work with them to be clear about their Heart's desires and put their Dreams into ACTION.  

I am Grateful for my Past and all of these lessons will serve me in my Lifework as a Coach.  And yet I also want to let go of the heaviness and the pain.  I feel like all of these life experiences in the last decade are chapters in a book and I am putting the book on the bookshelf - the book is closed.  By closing the book, I can be truly and absolutely Present in my new book.

I definitely see the benefits of looking back on the Past to acknowledge the lessons and Gifts.  There are also benefits to seeing the Jewels of the Past - perhaps activities or adventures that I loved - the Gems that brought me Aliveness and Joy. I am able to look back over my Career and this has given me clues for my Purpose of Spread The Yellow.  For me I also recently remembered how much I loved sewing and I can't wait to sew again.  I also always remember how much I love Running and yet for now this is in my Past.  Even today when I caught a sight of the 'City To Surf'' I remembered how much I loved Running.  And yet I do not want to waste my mental energy or even conversation around what I "used to do" - instead I can Trust that I will run again and for NOW I will enjoy Walking and Yoga and weekend resting.  I will enjoy NOW.

Last weekend I enjoyed the 'Life Quality and Design' Course and it was wonderful to Create a Vision  Board for my Life that involves: Love ever after, loving being a Mum, Connection with Friends, Balance, Health and Self-Care, Space and Calm at Home, Space for my Coaching, Community Service, Space for Creativity of Sewing, Craft, Writing, Photography.  At the Centre is My Yellow Heart - Love, Light, Truth and Peace. 

Over the weekend I also realised that there was a Part in me that has been keeping me stuck in the Past.  A Part of me that was trying to Protect me.  This Part of me has been around a long time, probably about 10 years and was always the Part that was searching for more, searching and curious and always wanting to do something different, always collecting ideas and thinking and thinking and thinking.  This Part of me creates clutter in my home, office, mind.  And yet I have realised that I can release this Part of me, as I am now very clear about my Life Design and can be more organised and focused - I can live in simplicity and with Space.

I have been talking to my own Coach about a Letting Go Of My Past ritual, and yet it now seems ironic, as by talking about my Past I have been still keeping it alive.  Now that I have a clear Life Design, and the Vision is so clear, I do not want to waste energy.  I want to be focused and I also want to allow Space for the rising of my Spirit.  At the end of the Course, I realised that the ritual for me was about walking out the door and leaving the Past behind me, the charge associated with my Past, the time wasted talking or thinking about my Past.  It was a decision and a Commitment.  I do believe - as one door closes, another door opens.

As I walked out the door of my classroom I felt light and free.  And it made me laugh when I was driving home and saw the number plate "BE FREE" - the Universe is in full support of me.

In Letting Go Of My Past I can enjoy the NOW.  I enjoy Peace.  I feel free in my mind and live in My Yellow Heart.  I enjoy being in the moment with my Man.  Last Saturday night was a year since my Man and I enjoyed our first date and he surprised me with "Terrific Tapas" and we enjoyed a great night.

I am Grateful for the Gifts each day, the surprises and delights.  Just today when I was getting ready to begin my day, I was invited by a Friend to join her and her two children on a trip to see the whales at Kurnell.  I only had 5 minutes to get ready and I embraced the opportunity and loved being out in the sunshine and catching up with my Friend.  And then today I enjoyed a lunch with my Man's Mum and Friends and I was able to just relax and be Present.

Letting Go Of My Past means that I AM NOW FREE.  I make the Commitment to Honour NOW and Trust in my Future.  I make the Commitment to not waste my energy in my mind or in ACTION.  I am Grateful for the Gift of my Life.  I Honour My Self.

New Way Of Being

I just love Wattle Trees.  Today when I was getting out of my car, just about to rush out in the rain, I noticed a beautiful Wattle Tree bush next to my car - and for a few seconds, my Soul felt alive, soaking in the beauty of the Yellow Wattle Tree.  And everyone knows how much I LOVE Yellow.

I am Consciously shifting to a New Way Of Being.  In My New Way Of Being I am Totally Present and more in my Body.  In my Other Way Of Being I can get stuck in Thinking or Overthinking or in the Shadow of Worrying, or be swept away with my Feelings.  In this New Way Of Being I notice the Yellow Wattle Trees and I love to hear the Kookaburras singing.  Very important to me is spending time in Nature and enjoying smelling the roses (literally).

  
I love that I am a Transformational Life Coach and I am very Passionate about working with my Clients when they are working at embracing a New Way Of Being, discovering and exploring their Inner Journeys.  And I am Passionate about my own Journey.  For me my New Way Of Being is about being "Present and Warm To What Is", it is about being Real and Authentic, it is about Being in the Now.

In this New Way Of Being I am Totally Present in my Relationships, I am not in a rush or having to be somewhere else, I enjoy the Present Moment.  I am Grateful for my Man and my Family.  The image of this New Way Of Being for me is My Yellow Heart – where I am relaxed and at Peace and there is purity in my Love and Connection for all.  In this New Way Of Being there is Joy and Happiness and Gratitude for Beauty and Simplicity.

In this New Way Of Being where I am Totally Present and in tune with my Body, I am able to decide my ACTION.  Both of my Parents are not well at the moment and I today I felt a sense of being uncomfortable in my Body.  My Mum said that they were okay and that I should just be at work today, and yet it was an easy decision to talk to my Manager and advise him that I needed to leave within the next few hours.  My Values came into this decision today, an easy decision for me, where Family and Love are my biggest Priorities.  I am just so happy that my lifestyle and my work allow me the flexibility, where I can leave work to look after my Mum and Dad.  I knew that I needed to see my Mum and Dad and once I was with them, at their Home, that still feels Home to me, I felt relaxed and calm and Grounded in my Body. 

Rather than worrying about what may or may not happen, which is my Other Way Of Being, I am able to rest and relax now that I am at Home, knowing that I have been Present to my Mum and Dad.

Of course, I sometimes need reminders to keep me on track in this New Way Of Being, to bring me back to being Present in the Now. Sometimes I remind myself when I catch myself worrying about what I cannot control - I say "Stop" and this moves me out of my Thinking and back to the Present.   Other times, like this afternoon, when I was driving Home from my Parents, I was lost in Thinking about my Brother and what I wish could be different, and then I see a car number plate, I feel it is a message from the Universe for me - "I AM I".  This reminds me of my Counselling Courses where we are trained to recognise that "I Am I... You Are You", and from this place I bring myself back to the Present Moment and not take on all the worry and responsibility.

 This can be challenging when it involves the people that I love.  Today I feel myself stepping into my Caregiver Archetype, which comes naturally for me. 

And yet the Shadow of this can be when I go into worry.  My Man is also sick, and it would be easy for me to create all of these possible scenarios about what this means and the fear of test results, and yet my worry will not serve us - instead I can be in the Present and approach day by day.

Being Present in the Now for me is about letting go of my Past.  I love the quote that hangs in our living area "Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a Gift."  Stories from my Past often come up for me - when I was married, my divorce, other relationships from my Past, jobs and careers from my Past,  when I was a Manager, when I was a runner.  And the Past can be great in terms of leading us to where we are Now and lessons that help us on our path - for me, my failed marriage and deep dark depression and then my career in working as a Manager has led me to become a Coach – and this is my Lifework and I love that I now have my Coaching Business. 

And the Past can also be wonderful as a source of reflection where we are able to tune into times when we felt alive in our career or in our hobbies as indicators of our Passion and Purpose.  I have recently remembered how much I loved sewing and making clothes, and I am very Excited by the opportunity to start sewing again where I have been loving just walking through Lincraft and I feel my Soul alive when I see all of the beautiful material.  My Creator Archetype is all ready to start creating and yet I know that I need to bring in my Organiser Archetype and Destroyer Archetype to clear clutter and find space to bring this new hobby back into life.  I have a strong sense of my Organiser Archetype which shows up a lot more when I am in my New Way Of Being as I let my Body and Intuition guide me - where I have a sense that I need to Organise at Home or get moving on some "to do" list items for my Coaching Business or Colllege.

I am also gaining a sense of My Creator Archetype, where the other night I enjoyed making Cards to use as a Resource for Coaching Children.  I loved sourcing images and cutting and laminating the set of Cards.  I was Totally Present and in the Moment and loved being in Creation.  I am very Excited about bringing my Creator Archetype more on the stage in my life through sewing, photography, cooking, art.  I am looking forward to my Yin and Yang working together – tuning into my Intuition to be Inspired and then enjoying the process of Creation. 

From my Past, I also have such a love of Running and I often remember how much I love and miss Running.  I always notice runners when they run past me and when I hear my friends talk about Running, I always wish that I was also out there Running.  And yet for me I am choosing not to run right now where I am choosing to enjoy Walking while my body becomes stronger, since my main priority is to have a Baby within the next 12 months, this is my greatest desire.   When I am asked the question, the same question I use on my Coaching Flyer - Ask yourself from the heart, if I could be, do or have absolutely anything, I would  definitely ___________be a Mum.  As I tune into my Body and I am just Present in my day to day life, I am always drawn to the stories of Mums and love seeing and being around Babies and Children.  I am ready to be a Mum.  Every part of me feels this Call.

For me I feel that I am Creating a New Story – there is a New Book beginning for me.  While I Value my Past, where there are many Books and Chapters and so many wonderful life experiences and lessons, I have started a New Book.  The other Books are on the Bookshelf and I am closing these Books now, no need to tell stories from my Past or worry about my Past.  NOW, I can just be Present in my New Story.  And when I am Totally Present, I am also not caught up thinking about the Future, worrying about the Future - I can enjoy the NOW.  I can still dream about the Future and have Goals, and I can be unattached to the outcome and enjoy every day, the Gift of each day.
 
In my New Way Of Being I am in the flow, there is space for spontaneity and adventure.  I do not know what tomorrow will bring and yet I feel that when I am Grounded and Centred in my Body and Totally Present, I can feel into my Intuition.  I also have all of my Strengths and Resources of my Archetypes.  The key for me in this New Way Of Being is to press the Pause Button when needed, just Pause and Breathe Deeply and ask for Guidance from my Sage Archetype, who I believe is Inspired by God and supported by the Love and Light of the Universe and my Angels.  I am Loved.  I am Love.

And in Love I can Spread The Yellow.

Commitment

'Commitment' is the word that has been coming up for me in the last few days - just the sense of Naming my Commitments and Honouring my Commitments.

Yesterday and today my Organiser Archetype has been in Action, with my To Do Lists, getting things done. And by being in Yang ACTION mode I do feel good about myself, I feel a sense of Achievement.  I have been organising my tax, health appointments and an Advertisement for my Coaching Business.  I have made a Commitment to get more Organised, so that I feel more Empowered in my Life.  

This morning, as I was lying in bed, I had a look at my Values on the wall and Commitment is one of my Values.  I love having my Values on my wall - they guide me for my day and for my life.

As I was lying in bed and enjoying lying in bed, I see the words Commitment and Health.  I am choosing to Name and Honour my Commitment to my Health.  Recently I was shocked to complete a Wheel Of Life Activity and have a sense that my Health is only at a 2 out of 10.  I was looking at my Wheel Of Life on 1 July 2010, knowing that I still had 6 months left of 2010, I wanted to put my own Dreams into ACTION.  I am SO HAPPY that I am now going to Yoga - I have a Commitment to go to Yoga at least once a week - and I love it.  I love the feeling of stretching and strengthening my body, I just love it!!!  After Yoga, I was very relaxed sitting at home on the couch and I was very very tempted to have some chocolate - and yet I have made a Commitment to not eat sweets during the week.  I am not sure what changed for me, I never used to eat chocolate, sweets, cakes.  I am glad that I am more relaxed and yet I need to Balance this with my Commitment to my Best Health. 

Thanks to my Commitment to Yoga, the last two Thursday nights I have slept so well, sleeping through the whole night.  Getting enough sleep is also important to me.

Nature is also on my list of Values, and while I could have stayed in bed longer, I felt Inspired to get up and go for a walk.  By having a Commitment to my Health, it is easy to make a decision to get moving and get active.  

As I go for a walk, I see some runners pass me and I always have the same response, a feeling of 'I wish I was Running'.  Every time I see a runner or hear a story about Running from a friend, this feeling is always present for me.  I love Running.  I have tried other activities such as Paddling and love the idea of Swimming - and yet I always come back to my love of Running.  And yet I have made a Commitment that starting a family within the next 6-12 months is a Priority for me and so I have decided to just enjoy Walking so that I can be painfree in my back and neck.  I know that I will be Running again one day and so for now I enjoy Walking.  I love the sense of peace that comes with Walking, especially when I am in Nature.

I love Gunnamatta Park, it is one of my favourite places.  My Soul feels at home here.  I just love the Trees and the quiet.  I love being outdoors, especially at Gunnamatta Park.  I feel a sense of Connection with Nature.  I love feeling a sense of Connection with Trees.  I am drawn to a tall tree and I have a sense of the Tree's Wisdom.  I put my hand on the Tree and listen to the whisper of the words that I feel inside of me.  I wait.  I have a sense of the following words - "Be", "You are here", "You are here!!!", "Follow the signs".

I feel a sense of stillness.  These words speak to me.  I have a sense that due to the nature of Coaching and the moving forward, I am often looking forward and setting Goals and wanting to take the Next Steps and in  hearing these words "You are here" I have a feeling of Relief, Peace, Rejoice, Celebration - "I AM HERE" - WOW!!!  I say to myself "Wow, I AM HERE, look where I AM".  I have so much to be Grateful for right now - after years and years of being unhappy in my Career and wanting to work with people and be a helper and healer - I AM HERE - I am a Coach now.  This is a new Journey and I am still learning and growing and yet I Am Here - I can be happy with where I am right now.  Yes, I want to grow my Business and work with more Clients and be more Active in running Workshops and Group Coaching and today I also have a sense of being a Teacher and speaking at Seminars - and these are all possibilities and opportunities.  And this will come.  And I have reassurance in the words "Follow the signs".  I also have a sense of "I AM HERE" in the area of my love relationship - for years and years I have put so much energy into the wrong relationships and this has been my Soul Path and now I AM HERE in a loving relationship - my Man is Home to me - it is a wonderful feeling.  I have a strong Commitment to my relationship with my Man.

I love being in Nature.  I have a strong sense that I want to do outdoor Coaching that may involve Nature Walking and picnic rug style Coaching as well as Group Coaching at Sunrise and also Sunset.  These are just ideas that feel right for me, and my Organiser Archetype has scheduled 2 hours next week to put these and more of my other ideas into writing.  I definitely have a Commitment to grow my Coaching Business.  I love Coaching and working with Clients.  I also have a Commitment to Spread The Yellow in my daily living, in my Coaching and also through my Business.

I also have a Commitment to be in Community and so I enjoy being at the Bookstore today where there are some lovely woman and I love being able to talk about our Spiritual Journeys.  I really enjoying sharing time with them and enjoy a sense of Connection.  I also enjoyed a Meditation at the Bookstore today, guided by one of the healers.  This is the second time I have come to this Mediation Group and I am really enjoying this opportunity.

I always love the opportunity to just connect and relax within.  I have a feeling that I am within my Soul's Home, my Yellow Heart, which is a place of Love and Light, and I am just being "Present and Warm To What Is" - it is really nice to just take time for Meditation.

I love the image above and it captures the sense of my Yellow Heart filled with Light and the rays of Light coming from my Heart.  And I also have a strong sense in my Meditation of rays of Light coming from the Heavens - from God, the Universe, my Angels.

During the Meditation I have a sense of the words "I Am Here" (again here are these words).  And I also have a visual of a Yellow Path, that I will be guided and I just have to "Follow the signs" (these are also the words from my Nature walk this morning).  I love the visual of a Yellow pathway and I hear the words "Trust", "Trust".

I have a Commitment to my Soul Purpose to Spread The Yellow and I am asking for Guidance to show me the signs of my Next Steps.  I do not want to be so in Yang that I am not in tune with my Yin - I want Spirit to speak to me through my Yin and for my Yin to then direct my Yang.

As I Name and Honour my Commitments of my Health, my Man, my Coaching Business and my Purpose to Spread The Yellow, I believe that this will open up more doors and ways for me.  I have a sense that I have to "Be" and "Listen" and "Trust".

I love the following quotes about Commitment -
- “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” Tom Robbins

- “There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.”

- “Commitment unlocks the doors of imagination, allows vision, and gives us the "right stuff" to turn our dreams into reality.” James Womack

- "When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” - this is how I feel about my Coaching and being in a place of Spread The Yellow - I feel like I am definitely on my Yellow Path, I AM HERE!!!  And as I say these words I am Excited and Delighted, I feel a lightness, a brightness - I AM HERE!!!  And I have a Commitment to follow my Path, even if it is not always Yellow, even if it takes me through the forest or down into the Valleys, I have a sense that my Light will carry and support me on my Journey...

And this afternoon my Man is doing a cleanup and finds some beautiful Christmas decorations that we bought last November and that we had forgotten to display at Christmas.  He brings them out and I love that there is an Angel with a Yellow Heart and also a Golden Butterfly.  They are beautiful and have so much meaning for me.  I decide to bring them into my everyday, rather than just packing them away for Christmas.  I feel the Angel with the Yellow Heart is there to remind me of my Soul Purpose - that my Yellow Heart, at the centre of my being, is filled with Love and Light and is a Gift from God.  This is why I am here, to Spread The Yellow, and God, the Universe and Angels are here to support me.

And the Golden Butterfly also speaks to me - the Butterfly is such a strong symbol of Tranformation.  As I look at the picture of the Golden Butterfly, the Light has created a Shadow - a reminder to me that Life is Light and Dark, Day and Night, Summer and Winter and a reminder to me that I am also Light and Dark.  And as I live in the Light and Upper World, I can make Space to Witness my Shadow and be open to all emotions and open to the messages of my Unconscious... this is my Commitment.

Different Parts Of Me

Today I am Grateful for my day.

When the alarm goes off this morning I feel tired and I would have been happy to stay in bed a little longer, a lot longer - I stay a little longer.  I feel my Athlete Archetype wanting to come on stage.  Last night I read about the Athlete Archetype in 'Sacred Contracts' by Caroline Myss - "This Archetype represents the ultimate expression of the strength of the human spirit as represented in the power and magnificence of the human body."  I have been Walking rather than Running - and I have enjoyed Walking - and yet I love Running.  This morning I felt Inspired to go Running and it felt wonderful to be Running.  I only ran for 8 minutes and it was slow - and yet it was just for me.  I remember the days when I would be out Training every morning, Running, Racing, Competing, Sprinting - and it was an incredible feeling when I was Racing and it was amazing crossing the finish line and winning Races.  And there may come a day when I Race again.  And yet for today and for now, I am happy to just Run.  I am glad my Athlete Archetype came through for me this morning.

When I reach the Park I am happy to be in Nature.  I love being in Nature.  In the Park I have a sense of the words "I Am Health, I Am Beauty, I See Beauty".  I could stay in Nature all day.  I love being in the Park, I love looking out at the ocean, I love watching the seagulls.

On my way to work I am delighted that I see a beautiful Kookaburra - I love Kookaburras.  The Kookaburra is sitting in our backyard, peacefully sitting on the wooden outdoor setting.  I am running a bit behind time, and yet I love Kookaburras and so I walk up and say hello - not being too close - just close enough for me and enough space for the Kookaburra not to be scared.  Seeing Kookaburras brings back wonderful memories for me of when I was a child and would be away with my Family and we would feed the Kookaburras on the balcony.  I look up Google Images and yet I cannot find a photo that would capture the picture in my mind's eye.  I love having my camera on hand to capture images and yet I very much love just being in the moment to capture the moments in my heart and mind's eye.  When I am in the Park, in Nature, spending time with the Kookaburra I feel I am in my Yin Goddess Part of me - my Goddess Part that I have affectionately called Rose.

In 'Sacred Contracts' I read about the Child of Nature Archetype - I find information on this website
- http://www.goddess-guide.com/archetypes.html
"This Goddess Archetype feels most at home in the outside bonding and communicating with the forces of nature. The Child of Nature is often emotionally very sensitive and prefers solace and the company of animals to being with people. They are often independent and physically fit... To have this particular stereotype you need more than a love of nature. Your health and well-being is affected if you are unable to spend time outside working with animals, plants and other nature spirits. Your idea of hell is likely to be working in a busy office in the centre of town."

I love being in Nature.  And when I am in Nature, I wish I could stay there all day.  When I am at work in the office, I love getting out, at every chance I get - just to be out in the fresh air, enjoy the Trees and Flowers and hear the Birds singing.

I am really enjoying getting to know the Different Parts Of Me and then I love reading about the Archetypes.

Peak Moments In Time for me involved me being in Connection with others.  I love being in Connection, enjoying Conversations with others.  Today I loved listening with interest to the stories of some of the ladies from work, I really enjoyed sharing a sacred space, just for a few minutes.  This weekend at College I have been reminded of the power of listening, attentive silence, reflection - the power of being totally present.  I feel that when I am in Connection with others and when I genuinely offer an acknowledgement from my heart, I feel that this is my Gift to Spread The Yellow.

I am happy to receive some beautiful Flowers from my Man - we have been together for 10 months today. My Man is so important to me and I am very important to me - and so I am now Consciously choosing to find the Balance.

I am happy to be in love and there is so much else going on for me.  I feel that I am overloaded with so much information and yet there is also so much simplicity - therein lies the paradox.  My Mentor and Teacher used this word "paradox" on the weekend and I feel that this word and reality resonates with me.  I am joyful and I also have a sense of sadness.  There is so much and yet it is so simple.

I feel that there are some big learning opportunities for me.  I feel that I carry a lot of heaviness on my shoulders.  I feel my Caregiver Archetype is strong and yet the Shadow of the Caregiver is that it wants to take care of everyone.  I feel that I sometimes worry about what is not within my control - and yet the opportunity for my growth is to allow others to take responsibility for their own lives and not feel that I have to worry or give advice or even place judgement or step into a Parent shadow.

All of this Self-Reflection can put myself at risk of turning into Overthinking or Analysis - and I really just want to smell the roses and be in Connection.  And yet I feel that this work is valuable and helps me be in Connection with me.

Self-Reflection offers me the opportunity to get to know the Different Parts Of Me and how they play out in my life.  Through Self-Reflection there is the opportunity for me to Consciously make Choices in my life.  I love that I have now made the choice to not put the TV on until after dinner - instead tonight I put on music and enjoyed dancing, I felt my Goddess dancing around the loungeroom and then I enjoyed creating dinner for my Man.

I listen to one of my Shania Twain CDs and I love this song - I feel like I am singing this to my Self  "Wanna Get To Know You That Good" - I also love this clip - Shania Twain is a beautiful Goddess -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iJvLdcvbis&feature=related

As I get to know the Different Parts Of Me, I learn to love the Different Parts Of Me.  I learn to love that I have all these Strengths and Resources within me.

And I love that I Am A Coach and I love that I can help my Clients discover their Beauty, their Self.  This is my greatest desire - to help my Clients Love Self and Love Life...

I Can't Wait

My Artwork of Values is now in my Bedroom, it is great to see these Words first thing in the morning.

I look at the word Health and I know that this is very important to me.  And I am not feeling very Healthy right now - probably because I ate chocolate last night, which always makes me feel sick (and yes, I eat it anyway - yes, I am so not perfect).  I also know that I have nothing in the cupboard for breakfast - we have eaten all the fruit and I have not replaced my cereal.  If I was to put on a Scale how I feel in relation to my Ideal Health between 1 and 10 with 10 being the Ideal - I would probably be at a 2 or 3.

I have a sleep in - I feel like I am getting enough  in terms of hours of sleep and yet I still wake up tired - I feel like my night of dreams, where I always remember the adventure or drama, leave me exhausted.  I put on some Meditation music - this is a perfect way to start my day.

In my Mediation, I feel myself going deeper and deeper into a relaxed state.  The image of me lying on a picnic rug with a Baby and my Man nearby comes to my mind's eye - this is our Baby - it is a beautiful image.  In the Meditation I have a sense that I must prepare now, I must make Health a Priority - prepare my body for having our Baby.  When I come out of the meditative state, I feel at peace.  Having a baby is my greatest heart's desire - and this is a great motivation to look after myself.  I Google 'Preparing to have a baby' and I see that it is important to prepare my body 3-12 months in advance - folate seems a Priority - and the importance of not being underweight or overweight, and not eating certain foods such as raw fish.  I am very interested to learn more.  I even go to the library and look up books to find out what I should and shouldn't be eating.  I have had some Health concerns over the last 10 years - and I have a strong sense that I will be a Mum - and I know I have to do everything I can to make this dream come true.

I have a lovely day with my Family.  I enjoy time with my Mum and Dad - we enjoy a walk around Cronulla, along the beach and enjoy lunch at Cronulla RSL - I just love spending time with my Parents.

While walking with my Parents, I am continually, constantly, so consciously looking at Babies and Children.  I always love seeing Children with their Parents - I just Love Children.  I Can't Wait to have my own Baby - I Can't Wait.  In Coaching, there is a question about - What do you ache for?  For me the answer is obvious - I Can't Wait until I have a Baby - this will be my Greatest Wish, my Greatest Gift.

After lunch we walk to the park where I am very Excited to see my Gorgeous Nieces.  Little Brooke (who is turning 2 years old in September) is with my Dad and she runs over - I love seeing my Dad with my Nieces, his Granddaughters.  My Mum just loves spending time with Brooke - probably because the day Brooke was born was the day that Mum found out she had a brain tumor - miraculously, thank God, Mum is enjoying wonderful times with Brooke - who makes us smile.

I then love seeing my Nieces Ashley (7 in August) and Olivia (4 in July) run towards me.  My Nieces bring me so much Joy.  I love my Nieces - I can't imagine loving more - and yet I Can't Wait until I become a Mum.  And I Can't Wait to look at my Baby, our Baby - I love the feeling of having a Baby with my Man.

I love the day with my Family and I love that my Brother and Sister-In-Law and my Nieces call over to our Home and we have fun playing computer games and dancing - my Nieces are so beautiful.

 
I Love them.  I Can't Wait to introduce them to their Cousin when we have our Baby.

I am 39 years old in 4 months from next Tuesday - and so I decide that I have to make some changes.  I have to move my 2-3 on my Health Scale to a 10.  I am doing my Research and feeling into my Intuition as to what feels right.  I decide that I will put a hold on my Running until after I have a Baby as I know my Running has in the past affected my cycle - and so I will continue to enjoy my Walking.  I am also DEFINITELY planning to start Yoga - I have been talking about Yoga for over a year - my Commitment is to have been to at least 1 Yoga Class in the next 2 weeks.

I am also planning to be more serious about my diet - I have started buying Organic Fruit and Vegetables - and my preference is Vegetarian and even though I love Animals, I am now wanting a Baby and so I need to continue to educate myself on the best Choices for myself.

I Can't Wait to have a Baby.  I Can't Wait!!!  I am so Grateful that I have a Wonderful Man to share my life and I look forward to the day when we hold our Baby in our arms.

I Love Words

I Love Words. 

I Love to read Quotes or Words from a Book first thing in the morning - just taking a few minutes to pick a page of one of my Favourite Books by random (or so it seems).  I love 'Goddess' by Toni Carmine Salerno - LOVE the images and LOVE the words.  I choose a page - the words (and image) are perfect as always -

"Create
For it is in creation that you exist
In this world full of wonder 

Through love and hatred
Joy and sadness
Laughter and tears

The unknown awaits you
Step into the void
With courage and strength

Allow your inner light to unfold
Like a budding rose
Searching for the sun

Go where love leads you
Keep your pockets full of dreams
And allow them to be your guide."

I Love Words.  I Love these Words "The unknown awaits you   Step into the void   With courage and strength" - perfect for my day of going out into Community to build my Coaching Business.

I go outside to Exercise - and it feels great - I allow myself to enjoy Running for 10 minutes to the beach and then I enjoy Walking - it feels great to be alive.  I spend some time enjoying housework when I get Home, so that my Man and I can put our energy into other Priorities this weekend.

I love being in my Coaching room - I love setting up my room and getting ready for Clients.  I lay out my Angel Cards and pick two cards that speak to me 

- Astara - "You deserve the best!  Reach for the stars with your dreams and desires, and don't compromise" 

- Archangel Ariel - "Prosperity - Your material needs are provided as you follow your intuition and manifest your dreams into reality"

I enjoy a Meditation, I really love just sinking in my chair and enjoying the quiet, the peace.  I have a sense of me rolling down a hill and that I am like a ball of wool that becomes bigger and gathers momentum.   In my Meditation, I also get a sense of a mirror and that it is most important how I see myself - that when I look in the mirror I have Self-Love.

I have a sense that Self-Care is very important to me - and that I must look after myself.  I also see an image of me in Gunnamatta Bay - one of my favourite places - I am in the park and I am just relaxing, enjoying Nature.  And then other people come to the park and relax in Nature.  I have a sense that I should combine my love of Nature, Walking and Coaching - Inspiring Medicine Walks and then time for Reflection (WOW -  I LOVE this insight).

In my Meditation I ask - "What can I do to move my business forward?" - the Word TRUST comes to me.   My Meditation ends when I get a sense of the words "Do It Now", "Do It Now", "Do It Now".  I am Inspired by these Words.  So I ring a potential Client and I am Excited that he is interested and mid next week we are going to organise a time for next Friday.  With Confidence (and my Yin and Yang in Commitment to work together) I walk (with no fear) into two of the doctor's clinics in Cronulla and make appointments for next week.  I am so Passionate about helping people - THIS MATTERS TO ME - I am Delighted that I have times in their diary so that I can explain Coaching and that they can then refer people to me that may need Support and help to move forward in their life.

I also enjoy a trip to the library - wow - I had forgotten how great it is to visit a library.  I follow my Intuition and I am guided towards a book 'Now Is The Time' by Patrick Lindsay.  I read some great Quotes that really speak to me.

"Now Is The Time To...

Focus Your Energy

We are constantly faced with competing demands,

And easily distracted by the noise and the interruptions.

To be effective in our lives and work, we must focus.

We must decide on our priorities.

We must channel energy and attend to the task before us."

"Now Is The Time To...

Commit Yourself

Those who succeed set themselves apart by their commitment.

Most of us make an effort.

We prepare; we try; but then we hope.

If you really want to achieve something,

You must be prepared to stretch yourself.

You must distil your energy and focus all your efforts.

You must give of yourself."

"If you're not actively involved in getting what you want, you don't really want it."

"Now Is The Time To...

Show Your True Colours

If you believe passionately that something is right,

Fight for it with all your might.

Dig deep in your Soul and refuse to give ground.

Even when the odds seem overwhelming, keep fighting.

You'll be amazed how often persistence wins the day."

"Now Is The Time To...

Follow Your Heart

Never underestimate the power of your heart.

We are Passionate about someone, or something,

Few obstacles can defeat us,

Our hearts can inspire Greatness,

Sweep aside adversity,

Break new ground

And draw others along with us."

I Love Words.  I Love Books.  I am happy that I joined the library and borrowed two books that I was drawn to - 'Law of Attraction' and 'The Everything Self-Esteem Book' - books and information and Words that may help me in my work with Clients.  While I have studied so much and love what I have studied, I love that I can constantly read and learn Self-Development books that will help me on my own Journey and in my walk with my Clients.  While having lunch I flick through 'The Everything Self-Esteem Book' and there are three pieces of information / paragraphs/ Words that catch my Interest:

- "Research shows that people spend less than thirty hours over their entire lifetime thinking about and researching their career choices.  If you begin work at twenty years of age, work forty hours per week, and retire at sixty-five, you will have worked 93,600 hours in a job that may not have been your Calling."

- "Your Uniqueness - If you try to place a value (worth) on your life based on other people, you are denying your uniqueness, your rareness.  You are saying to yourself, 'It is of no importance to have qualities that belong exclusively to me.  You are saying to yourself, I am not a miracle.  I am not a marvel.  I have no specific purpose for being here.'  Think of the tragedy in those statements.  Think about your life at this very moment.  What is your miracle?"

- "Dr. Wright made the following statement: 'What you think about me is none of my business.' Let me give that to you again. 'What you think about me is none of my business.'  Profound.  When you think about Dr. Wright's statement, you realise just how brave that statement is and how much self-esteem one has to have to ever think it, much less say it out loud.  He went on to discuss the fact that the students present did not know him as a private citizen, as a son, a brother, a partner, an uncle, or a friend.  When you think about it, how many people know us in every capacity?  Dr. Wright's statement is prophetic.  He was right.  Others' opinions of you are none of your business, because they don't really know you."

WOW.  I Love Words - Words that Inspire.  I am so glad that I am a Life Coach.  I AM A LIFE COACH!!  I Love saying these Words.  Not from a position of Ego or Arrogance - instead from a position of loving what I do and being proud that I am making my dreams come true.

Written Words are wonderful - and I also love Words spoken from the heart.  Tonight I am so Grateful that a Family Friend came out in the rain on a Friday night to fix our hot water system - and I kept telling him how Grateful I am - he is a really nice man - and his act of kindness has definitely Spread The Yellow to me.  I am so Excited that I will be able to enjoy a hot bath tonight and read a book.  I love reading in the bath.  After reading so many Words from Self-Development books, I think tonight I will enjoy a chapter or two from a Love Story.  I was saying today that I would like to enjoy more Fiction books - while I have about 5 Non-Fiction Books on the go - I do love a good Story - just a chance to relax.

Time to relax...

... Or so I thought - after I had already Published this Post - I ran my bath, all set for a hot bath and to my surprise the lovely hot water that first comes out of the pipes, very quickly becomes cold - oh no, the hot water is gone again.  I boil water for a while and yet it does not boil fast enough to keep me warm.  And I realise that this is not very relaxing.  Just as I find myself getting disappointed, I find myself being Grateful that I have a Home, warm clothes, a heater and water - whereas I think of families living in Poverty who do not even have these basic needs being met.  I am so fortunate.

I am so Grateful and so fortunate and yet I still have a disappointment that my Friday night is not going so well - especially since my Man is locked away trying to fix his computer and now the hot water system.  I Love Words and yet right now we need some Silence and Distance - my Man is not very happy after working long hours all week.  And now he tells me to watch the DVD on my own.  And I am not very happy that he is not very happy and that we are spending the night apart, rather than relaxing together.  After my bath, I put out a fresh towel for my Man and the towel that I first pick up is the Yellow towel I bought for him for Christmas with the words "My Mr Wonderful" - of course (despite my disappointment) my Man is My Mr Wonderful ... 

I wish I could find the right Words to make my Man feel better - and yet I will just give him Space.  And  I am choosing right now to enjoy my night and enjoy a movie, relaxing on the couch...