Letting Go Of My Past

In the last few weeks, probably in the last few months, I have been very Conscious of wanting to be in the Now and Letting Go Of My Past.  There are many life experiences in my Past that have led me to my Present moment and yet these life experiences and relationships do come up in conversation and take up my mental energy.  I also had concerns about storing pain from my Past in my body, that I was carrying emotions that are causing aches in my back and a heaviness on my shoulders.  

I am so Grateful that I was blessed with a happy childhood, with the Abundance of Love.  From my Past I carry these Gifts of Love, Joy, Gratitude and a Positive Attitude.  

And I have also carried the sorrow and sadness of the last 8-10 years.  I have carried the pain and darkness and black memories of marriage and divorce and times of depression.  I have carried the feelings of rejection by others and also by myself.  I have carried the burden of wearing masks, searching for love and acceptance, searching for love and acceptance and happiness outside of myself.  I have carried guilt and regret.  I have made bad decisions.  I have carried stress and pressure in my Career when I have been working in areas that do not make my heart sing.  Many times I have not listened to my Intuition when I have been at the crossroads.

And yet all is different for me now.  And I am Grateful for my Path and my Journey.  I Trust all of my life experiences have served me.  The experience of getting married and divorced taught me the importance of being in my Heart and following my Intuition.  It has also served to remind me of the importance of Divine Love and Divine Union.  My experiences of being in depression, down in the dark, black hole taught me so much about the blackness.  In my blackness, I am so Grateful that my Mum and some very kind friends sat with me - they didn't try to pull or push me, they just sat with me.  When I found my way back to the Light, I felt Inspired to work and help people, to work in Service.  My Past experiences Inspired me to become a Coach, to catch people who may be about to fall into a black hole or to work with people so that they find their own Light and Love of Self and Create a Life they Love.  As a Coach I also have deep empathy and compassion for all others, and I also feel that I can see the signs as possible check-ins around support and care if people are in distress.  I have also been Grateful for the many relationships that have served me to better understand myself and others.  It was only when I decided last year what I deserved and wrote a list of everything I deserved in an intimate relationship that my Man appeared in my life.  The 4 years before then, I question my own level of self-worth, where I often settled for less than what I deserved.  In my work as a Coach I am Inspired to help Clients realise their own Love of Self, their Uniqueness and Greatness and also work with them to be clear about their Heart's desires and put their Dreams into ACTION.  

I am Grateful for my Past and all of these lessons will serve me in my Lifework as a Coach.  And yet I also want to let go of the heaviness and the pain.  I feel like all of these life experiences in the last decade are chapters in a book and I am putting the book on the bookshelf - the book is closed.  By closing the book, I can be truly and absolutely Present in my new book.

I definitely see the benefits of looking back on the Past to acknowledge the lessons and Gifts.  There are also benefits to seeing the Jewels of the Past - perhaps activities or adventures that I loved - the Gems that brought me Aliveness and Joy. I am able to look back over my Career and this has given me clues for my Purpose of Spread The Yellow.  For me I also recently remembered how much I loved sewing and I can't wait to sew again.  I also always remember how much I love Running and yet for now this is in my Past.  Even today when I caught a sight of the 'City To Surf'' I remembered how much I loved Running.  And yet I do not want to waste my mental energy or even conversation around what I "used to do" - instead I can Trust that I will run again and for NOW I will enjoy Walking and Yoga and weekend resting.  I will enjoy NOW.

Last weekend I enjoyed the 'Life Quality and Design' Course and it was wonderful to Create a Vision  Board for my Life that involves: Love ever after, loving being a Mum, Connection with Friends, Balance, Health and Self-Care, Space and Calm at Home, Space for my Coaching, Community Service, Space for Creativity of Sewing, Craft, Writing, Photography.  At the Centre is My Yellow Heart - Love, Light, Truth and Peace. 

Over the weekend I also realised that there was a Part in me that has been keeping me stuck in the Past.  A Part of me that was trying to Protect me.  This Part of me has been around a long time, probably about 10 years and was always the Part that was searching for more, searching and curious and always wanting to do something different, always collecting ideas and thinking and thinking and thinking.  This Part of me creates clutter in my home, office, mind.  And yet I have realised that I can release this Part of me, as I am now very clear about my Life Design and can be more organised and focused - I can live in simplicity and with Space.

I have been talking to my own Coach about a Letting Go Of My Past ritual, and yet it now seems ironic, as by talking about my Past I have been still keeping it alive.  Now that I have a clear Life Design, and the Vision is so clear, I do not want to waste energy.  I want to be focused and I also want to allow Space for the rising of my Spirit.  At the end of the Course, I realised that the ritual for me was about walking out the door and leaving the Past behind me, the charge associated with my Past, the time wasted talking or thinking about my Past.  It was a decision and a Commitment.  I do believe - as one door closes, another door opens.

As I walked out the door of my classroom I felt light and free.  And it made me laugh when I was driving home and saw the number plate "BE FREE" - the Universe is in full support of me.

In Letting Go Of My Past I can enjoy the NOW.  I enjoy Peace.  I feel free in my mind and live in My Yellow Heart.  I enjoy being in the moment with my Man.  Last Saturday night was a year since my Man and I enjoyed our first date and he surprised me with "Terrific Tapas" and we enjoyed a great night.

I am Grateful for the Gifts each day, the surprises and delights.  Just today when I was getting ready to begin my day, I was invited by a Friend to join her and her two children on a trip to see the whales at Kurnell.  I only had 5 minutes to get ready and I embraced the opportunity and loved being out in the sunshine and catching up with my Friend.  And then today I enjoyed a lunch with my Man's Mum and Friends and I was able to just relax and be Present.

Letting Go Of My Past means that I AM NOW FREE.  I make the Commitment to Honour NOW and Trust in my Future.  I make the Commitment to not waste my energy in my mind or in ACTION.  I am Grateful for the Gift of my Life.  I Honour My Self.