Choice and Commitment

I've been having a lot of Dreams lately - they seem so real that I wake up in a daze.

The other night I had this Dream that I was getting married and I was trying to do this dance routine, like a show, and I wasn't marrying My Man.  The Dream was just on me, I did not see the groom in the Dream - and yet I had such a strong feeling of sadness that My Man wasn't the groom.  In the Dream I just wanted to be slow dancing with My Man.  When I woke up, I was so relieved to see that it was a Dream and that My Man was sleeping next to me.  Phew!!!

This morning I had another strange Dream that was very confusing.  I had a very restless night, I was up and down all night, feeling very sick in the stomach.  When I finally did get to sleep I had this Dream that I was going to ring up sick and in the Dream I couldn't work out who I had to call.  I couldn't work out if I was at school, I thought I was in Year 7 and that I had to ring a Teacher, then I had this fear in my stomach that I was in Year 12 and better start studying for the HSC, and then I realised I was working and I couldn't work out where I worked and who was my boss that I needed to call.  No wonder I have had a headache today.

I always love the words of wisdom and quotes that I receive every morning and yesterday I received these quotes
- “Take the world as it is, not as it ought to be." – German Proverb –
- "Instead of trying to change the world into what it ought to be, accept it as it is, instead of trying to change who you are into who you ought to be, accept yourself as you are. Then you will realise that the parts of your life and yourself that you had been trying to change into what they ought to be were only the parts of yourself that you had not yet loved the way you ought to love.  The UNIVERSE"

These quotes allow me the freedom to be okay with not feeling 120%.  Today in feeling at about 60%, I allowed myself the opportunity for Self-Care.  I gave my Self permission to have a sick day off work and rang my Boss.  I take the Commitment of my work seriously and yet when it comes to Choice and Commitment for today, I choose to Honour my Self.  I enjoyed the opportunity to crawl back into bed and slept for a few hours.  I feel so much better after sleeping.

And then I had another Dream.  My Soul is definitely sending me messages.  I had a Dream that My Man and I had a disagreement and then he left and then I called him only to find that he didn't pick up the phone, he must have bumped the phone and so I could just hear him in the background.  In the background he was buying an airline ticket and I didn't know where he was going and he couldn't hear me, and I was yelling out and he still couldn't hear me.  I was also relieved to wake up from that Dream by My Man ringing me to see how I was feeling.

I'm still feeling less than 100% and I'm okay to just be real with how I am today.  I am also learning to be in relationship and in love in the everyday and in the realness.  We had such a fantastic day on our engagement and I am a woman in love and I can also say that this is a Choice and Commitment that I choose to Honour, even on the days when we are both feeling less than 100%.

I have baggage from my Past, given that I have been married before and engaged another time.  I have had almost had a fear of whether I could take this big step again.  And yet when I have uneasy feelings of my Past, I see an image of boxes that are all packed up and I remind myself that I can leave the boxes closed.

This is my chance to Design my Life.  And I am glad that My Man is the one in my life, the one in my everyday.  I'm glad that my recent Dreams are not Dreams come true - if anything they made me feel terrible at the prospect of not having my Man in my life.

It was great when My Man got home from work.  It was great to go for a walk outside together.  I love being outside.  This is my medicine.  I love walking out by the beach and we are delighted to see the moon over the ocean - what a beautiful sight - the sky is a pinky blue colour.  At this time I wished I had my camera to capture the beauty.  We take a moment and capture the beauty in our mind's eye.  By the time we get home, the sun has set and we look back and see the glow of the full moon.  I just love being outside.

Another positive part of my evening was also running to an old friend from school - he is now married and due to have his first child any day now.  One of my favourite parts of living where we do, is running into people around the local Community.  I love being in Connection and Conversations.

As I reflect on today I wonder what Archetypes naturally came into my world today.  I definitely felt my Sage this morning when I made the decision regarding Self-Care.   I love having my Sage as a Resource.

My Sage activated my Caregiver Archetype - choosing to give Care to my Self.

I also reflect on the questions - What has changed?  What I am consciously applying in my day?  I feel that I am bringing myself back to the Present moment and out of my mind by consciously bringing in the image of my Yellow Heart.  If I am triggered to go into my Past, I am able to bring in the image of boxes that are packed up and this brings me back to the Present moment, rather than wasting mental or emotional energy on my Past.  I am also able to be Present and Real to what is, in my own feelings and in my relationship.  This is allowing me the opportunity to sit still in the moment.

I am happy to love and be loved at a deep level - to feel the bond at a deep level.  In my Heart, I have such a strong sense that there is nowhere else I would rather be - I have a sense of being at Home with My Man.  And it is also a Choice and Commitment that I make on a daily basis, in the sunshine, in the rain, on cloudy days, when flowers are blooming.  My Mum and Dad have been married 42 years and I have such great role models of Marriage and Commitment.  I am Grateful for my Man and I am very glad that we can both be real.  I especially love holding hands with My Man - it is the small things that are the BIG things.

Today I am Grateful to be able to go out walking with my Man, I am Grateful for extra sleep, I am Grateful for peppermint tea, I am Grateful for My Man making me dinner, I am Grateful to enjoy the beautiful sight of the full moon.  I am very Grateful that my Dad came home from hospital.  And I am Grateful that I can sit in the Space of not feeling 100% Fantastic.   And I am Grateful that I am learning to hold the Paradox of Dark and Light.