Not Yellow At First Glance

"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill (???),
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to reframe from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war (???),
And a time of peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I woke up high of life - I was in the middle of a dream and woke up to my boyfriend trying to get the iron out of the cupboard - and then we chatted and laughed - and I got up and was singing and dancing around, singing and dancing around naked - just so happy to be alive.

I then went and said goodbye to my home (no longer naked) - the place I used to call my home - the apartment I own.  I thought it would be hard letting go, yet surprisingly, miraculously, I do not feel attached - which is a nice relief and realisation - I actually feel comfortable with the letting go and the change.  It's also surprising that the words that came up a few weeks ago when I was meditating in my home and the process of letting go, were the words sadness and loneliness - and yet today I also enjoyed the time of reflection - with a feeling that this had been home to me, and I had felt very comfortable just being in my home.  Yet I had, very often, found myself, being so comfortable that I closed myself in from the world - now it was time for me to venture out and spread my wings.  Just before I walked out the door, I chose to let go and I Spread The Yellow, sending good intentions in my heart to the woman who will be renting out my unit - wishing her joy and happiness.  And then I walked upstairs back to my new home - the home I now have with my boyfriend - and he is definitely home to me.  Yes, for those who don't know my story, I met my fabulous boyfriend in my own apartment block - and he has been a lovely surprise!

I had such great ambition and intention for the day - Spread The Yellow - bright, happy, positive.  Of course, how can we ever know exactly what we can expect, or what is in store for us.

Mid-morning I was blessed to visit my close friend and her beautiful baby, baby Leah - she is so precious - I love that my friend says "Aunty Kath is here to visit'.  In those moments I have the sense of Spread The Yellow to me - just spending time together means so much to me.  And I was gifted with a few beautiful photos of her smiling - joy!!

The day looked like it was going to be perfect - that was the plan - a lot of beautiful time with my family and then a date tonight with my spunky boyfriend.

But out of the blue someone I love, and believe in, was given some bad news, out of the blue, quite unexpected - in those moments it was not bright and cheery and definitely not an obvious colour Yellow - it was heartbreaking - my heart ached as I felt the pain of this person (who shall remain nameless) - he said he "felt like he had been shot" - I felt like he could drown.  So we sat.  And I listened.  And he spoke from the heart.  And I said I believed in him.  And from my heart I am so proud of him and I have to trust that he will find his way through this maze.  In my heart I carry love and will be there for him.  I know that he is wise - my wish is that he taps into his Inner Voice and trusts himself, and finds the blessings and opportunities as doors are closing - he did refer to a poem 'The Road Not Taken' that he says makes so much sense for his journey - and I hope he remembers how brave he has already been to walk his walk.

Robert Frost (1874–1963) - The Road Not Taken
"TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Hmm... makes me stop and reflect reading those words...

In the afternoon the energy shifted, spending time with my three beautiful nieces, who are forever bringing joy to my heart - they definitely Spread The Yellow to me.  I picked up Ashley from school and she drew me a picture and then wrote 'I Love You' - how blessed I am.  And Olivia and Brooke are precious and moments with them are Yellow - cuddles, kisses, giggles, just being in their presence.

Perhaps Yellow is about being Present to "what is" - as the verse from the bible tells, there is a time for everything - and today is very true of the mixed emotions, the highs and lows.  For me, Yellow is also about being ever aware of the Yellow, the moments of joy and happiness, despite the dark clouds that are present. I know Yellow today was certainly about sitting in the darkness with another and waiting for a glimmer of hope or a ray of light to Shine. In these moments perhaps all you can do is sit and through words and presence communicate to another "I Am Here".  Yellow to me is also about trusting and having faith that all will serve our greater good - although at the time, the hardship may seem so dark and grey.  Yellow, is also about believing that we always have choices and options - we just have to feel into our felt sense and sense what is within our sphere of control and what is needed - we often need to make decisions on the way forward and be brave enough to take a step towards our Vision - even if we are adjusting our sails along the way.

That's the theory.  And it is easy when you are looking on the outside in.  Perhaps that is when we are able to 'helicopter up', check into a new perspective.  I do not have all the answers.  I am just a student of life.  I am on my own journey.  And I am very conscious that life for some is not always Yellow - not Yellow at first glance, and perhaps for some it is so hard to find the Yellow - how can I possibly know about somone else's journey - all I can offer is Compassion.

I do know that my own life is not always Yellow - not Yellow at first glance - sometimes I have a sore neck or my back aches or I am worried, or those I love are in distress or are sick or are worried, sometimes I need to sit in my own times of shades of grey or pain or darkness and wait for the light - other times I need to change my focus.

Yet my commitment is that I want to be forever positive and hopeful and definitely forever grateful for the Yellow in my life.  My commitment is to be always grateful for the beauty and the love and the sunshine.  I also want to acknowledge and be thankful to beautiful souls I am blessed to meet on my journey.  I am always very thankful to my boyfriend for his love and support (and for taking me out for dinner and conversation tonight - thank you for our date nights - and for always laughing together).  I would also, very importantly, like to make a special mention to Christie, a soul sister, who has a beautiful blog 'Follow Your Bliss' and is a woman of inspiration, living her Vision, so true to herself, so real and authentic, and so supportive and inspiring to me - a big THANK YOU for being so supportive of my Vision to Spread The Ye llow.  Thank you for being you - you have Spread The Yellow to me.  I love the photo you emailed me of the sunflower that was blooming in a vegetable garden - thank you for sharing with me.

It is 11.50pm, - tomorrow is almost here - and I am hopeful that no matter what the day brings I will wear Yellow in my heart.  I will embrace the Yellow in my life.