How Are You?

I always find it interesting that people say - How Are You? - Especially people who do not know you or do not care or do not really want to hear the truth from the question - How Are You? Or people who are just racing past and have 30 seconds to hear your quick response - or in some cases, do not hear your response as they have already walked on past. 

And I do know that it is just a courtesy statement.

And I do know that it is polite and has beome an automatic reply to just say the usual "good, thanks".

And I do know that this is the expected and acceptable response - certainly the person asking the question, often does not have time to hear or explore a different answer.  Of course, unless the person asking the question is a partner, family, friend or someone in the healing industry, such as a physiotherapist, a counsellor, a coach.

And if you were asked the question How Are You? and you were to answer the question in an honest way - would you respond based on how that week has been so far for you, or based on the emotions of the day, or would you simply capture the essence of your feelings in that moment?

And based on my experience, the feelings of the day, can change moment to moment.  I was reading on the Internet that we can have thousands of emotions in one day.  I love at College when we have a check-in, where we go around the room and ask How Are You? in this moment - just one word - just one word to get a sense of what is real for everyone (as individuals) in that moment. 

Today as an experiment I decided to regularly check in with my feelings, and write them down on a piece of paper - of course when anyone asked me How Are You? I certainly didn't tell them the truth - I said the polite and acceptable response of "Great, thanks".  I did not reveal what was going on in my Inner world - in the Outer World I maintained my Happy, Smiley Self with my Bright, Happy tone of voice as I talked to Customers on the phone.  Interesting how our Outer World can disguise the Inner World so easily.  I am actually amazed at how quickly my emotions shift and how many emotions I feel during every hour, during every day.

As I regularly checked in with myself how I was feeling, I came up with 1 word at a time, 1 word, in that moment that would best describe the emotion - here is my list from 6am to 8pm - 14 hours:

6-7am - Excited, Creative, Shocked (after watching a controversial clip on Internet), Inspired (after watching the ending of the same clip)

7-8am - Meditative, Tired

8-9am - Hungry, Opinionated (after seeing story on Sunrise about children in a beauty pageant)

9-10am - Excited, Cold, Determined, Disappointed, Thirsty, Relaxed, Unsure

10-11am - Positive, Hopeful, Intuitive, Focused, Competitive, Defeated, Flat, Unmotivated, Assertive, Committed, Celebratory

11am-12pm - Stressed, Confused, Hungry, Calm, Happy, Content

12-1pm - Relaxed, Tired, Hungry

1-2pm - Honest, Truthful, Relieved, Happy, Distracted, Indecisive, Active

2-3pm - Tired, Bored, Decisive, Active

3-4pm - Successful, Happy, Inspired, Friendly, Curious, Playful, Sick, Connected (enjoyed having a walk and watching a lady beetle walking along a leaf), Productive, Joy (hearing that a Customer had just had a baby), Glowing (lady is 42), Interested, Happy, Proud, Helpful, Proactive, Motivated, Focused

4-5pm - Open, Ambitious, Discreet, Humble, Determined, Thankful, Excited (1 hour to go)

4.30-5.30pm - Focused, Glad, Happy, Conscious

5.30-6pm - Happy, Neutral, Glad, Grateful

6-7pm - Happy, Thankful, Certain, Productive, Happy, Relieved, Confident, Upset, Cranky, Quiet, Loving, Caring, Forgiving, Happy, Fulfilled (love writing), Shocked (by TV segment where neighbours try to kill a dog), Neutral, Natural, Glad, Romantic, Hungry, Unimpressed (seeing again the story of the children's beauty pageant - unimpressed that children are being judged on beauty, wearing lipstick, swimming constumes)

7-8pm - Relaxed, Celebratory, Peaceful, Sad (seeing a World Vision Advertisement), Motivated, Neutral, Interested (tv show about 'Life After Man'), Attentive, In the Moment, Tired.

Tonight I Google Emotions and click on Images - I love this function on Google - and I love all the Images - that illustrate the range of emotions that we all experience, at different times.

In my Management roles, I have encouraged Staff to NOT ask How Are You? as a rapport builder (unless of course they have a history of talking to the Customer, and they are genuinely interested).  Yet, when I moved into a new job, I actually started saying to people on the phone (people I had never spoken to on a previous occasion) How Are You?  It is a good rapport builder and it is polite - yet now I have done this experiment on myself, I realise that How Are You?  may not be the most appropriate question, unless it is asked in a genuine way, with the space to allow a genuine response.

Of course How Are You? is a good question to ask my boyfriend when I get home from work, when I am genuinely interested in how he is feeling - and we both make sure to allow space, with a genuine interest, to allow the truth and stories to unfold.  This is important to me - part of a Spread The Yellow to each other.  It is my belief that it is important to have the space and a caring, committed listener to ask the question How Are You? - with the genuine intent to really know, allowing the space to be true and real and authentic and explore how you are really feeling.

Of course, if we opened every conversation, inparticular in a work setting where we are talking to Customers on the phone, with the How Are You? question and everyone just took 10 minutes to answer, and you took 10 minutes to reflect and show empathy and support, then this would not be productive or effective in terms of work objectives.  So perhaps it is not the best question to use at work with Customers over the phone - or is it - it is up to everyone to decide what is right for them, their approach.

Yet I do believe that asking How Are You?  is a great question to ask when there is the space and time to allow someone to be real and open with how they are feeling.  There may not be enough time to ask Customers on the phone How Are You? to allow time for a genuine response - but I like at my work, in our even paced work environment, that there is the time to say a friendly, meaningful How Are You? to work team members - this allows a happy, cheery, Spread The Yellow culture.  And in my life and in my life work I am committed and caring to want to allow space and time for people to be true in revealing their emotions.

I really like this quote - "Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf." Jonatan Mårtensson - And this has been my experience today - although I experienced so many emotions - my choice has been to maintain a positive and happy attitude, to work hard and give my best at work, to be friendly and enthusiastic to Customers.  Even, when I was home and experienced various emotions, I can choose to react or not - I can choose my next actions.  I love that we have a choice of how we want to act or react.

I also love that we can be a witness to, and check in on, our own emotions - and it is important to be aware - so that we can honour our feelings through observation and make choices of what we need. I also love that as we observe our emotions, we can observe the changes and the shifts that naturally occur - showing us that these feelings will naturally shift to a new feeling - giving us hope.

So I ask myself - How Are You?  Hmm... I am feeling tired... I need to do some College work and then get into bed early...